Three Signs You Have A Strong Bond

Join us in this fun episode where we dive into three research-backed signs that reveal you have a strong marriage. These three relational traits ensure that your friendship is deep and your bond is strong. You'll like this one. 

And if you haven't purchased a copy of our newest book, Marriage A To Z, you can pick up a copy HERE. It's a 30-Day devotional designed to strengthen your connection with your spouse. 

Transcript

This is a fun one today. We're talking about the three signs of a strong bond. And I know we've done one like this. I think we've actually done several where we learn something that's research backed that shows whether or not your relationship is any good. Yeah. I always think it's so interesting when we find these articles that, you know, they're a research base and that they've studied different couples to see, you know, the ones that have the strongest bonds, what are the common denominators?

Yeah. So my favorite two researchers, they're believers, it's Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. No joke, that's their name. Like, Les and Leslie. Say, yeah, Les is married to Les. I'd say more or less. Les is more. That's kind of weird. But anyway. But they, they have the greatest research and so I'm on their newsletter and they, they, uh, they've got this really cool thing, this research base that, that gives us three signs that can tell you if you have a strong bond.

But these are all fun. These are three really fun signs. And, uh, and we're going to dive into that. So, um, but before we do, Tori found a really good song that she wants to play. Yeah, I was, well, we didn't want to do another Christmas one. We didn't want to country. I've been here. I want country. Jason just wants country, but I'm hearing from some of you guys that not everyone loves country.

We'll get over it. Like country music is awesome. Especially slow country music. Okay. So I will be playing some Garth Brooks in the future. So you can just fast forward if you want, but that's not today. Today, we're going to do something the opposite of country. Justin Bieber. You got to love some Justin Bieber.

He's got some good love songs. Yeah. Tori and I are not like teeny bopper type people, but Bieber's got a really great voice. And when he sings a love song, it's like really good. So I just have to hand it to Justin here. Uh, this song is called off my face and talks about off my face in love with you.

That's so good. Listen.

I'm forever ruined by you, Tor. So good. Jeez. That's good. It is a good one. That's good music. I like that. Whenever Christmas is over. Yeah. It's, by the time Christmas is over, we are done with Christmas music because we go hard and heavy. Yeah. Like, right when, when, um, October hits, or not October, but Halloween, pretty much.

Yeah. We go really strong with Christmas music. I'm already kind of getting tired of it. I'm starting to get a little bit tired of it too. And it's a week before Christmas. I'm not there yet though. I, I can, I can go strong for another week for sure. You can? Yeah, I can do it. I know I can. I'm ready for some Celine Dion.

But you're, but as soon as it's over, I'm ready for like. Oh, yeah. Usually countries might go to right after Christmas. That'd be actually a really good question to ask people. What music do you listen to the day after Christmas? Yeah. Don't tell me Christmas music. It's, it's 100 percent illegal. You know, the December 26th.

They've got to stop playing Christmas music. It's not Christmas. Right? But you go to malls. I think they play it through the new year. Yeah, I think so too. It's a little annoying because then listening to silver bells on December 26th is like depressing. It's like scratching your fingers on fingernails on a chalkboard.

Everyone's sad that Christmas is over. Christmas Day is kind of like halfway through the day. You start, I start to feel it. I'm like, It's about to be over. Anticlimactic, right? That's typically when Tori and I are burning our Christmas tree on Christmas night. Yeah. Some people call us Scrooge. No, but we, we really celebrate hard up until Christmas afternoon.

Go hard or go home, but once Christmas afternoon happens, then you've, you already are regretting what you've eaten. You're already feeling like crazy bloated. You're like, I need to get a workout or something, but I don't really want to. And there's trash everywhere. Yes. It's a, the house is an absolute disaster.

And when our kids were younger, you had to go through the stockings and there's like a gajillion pieces that were in their stock. And it's just, okay. Yeah, I'm, I'm done with complaining about Christmas, do love Christmas, but now let's jump back into this tour. So three signs of a strong bond bond, all research backed.

Um, and let me give you a number one. This is really good. Okay. If, if you want to know if you have a strong bond, number one, you have your own language. Yeah, this was a really interesting. We were, we were thinking about it. We're like, do we have our own language? Yeah, because, and you guys will have time to, to think about this.

So Tori and I, obviously we've thought through some of this, so you might not know right off hand, but then as you and your spouse, hopefully you guys listen to this and you can talk about what, what is your made up language? So it's like made up phrases, um, facial gestures, code words, nicknames, all ways of communicating with each other that, that, um, It actually draws you close.

Yeah, that's unique to, to you as a couple. And I will say like when we first read this, we're like, Oh, we don't do that. But then as we started talking it through, we're like, Oh yeah, we do. We totally do. Yeah. Cause the more time you spend with somebody, the more defined your language becomes. So, um, Tori and I, one of our very first languages and Tori had to teach it to me and this is, this is a legit different language like Elvish, but not really, um, gibberish.

What's Elvish? Elvish is like, you know, what they speak on Lord of the Rings, where they start using that different language. Okay. The Elves. Yes. So, when I was in high school, um, our volleyball coaches taught, they were sisters. Yeah. And, um, they taught us gibberish so that we could communicate to each other.

You know, against the team, we thought we were pretty big time. It is pretty cool, though. Tori taught it to me when we were dating. Uh huh. So then I taught Jason. And then when our kids were young, it was awesome. Because we could talk to each other about whatever. Without the kids understanding. And then our kids are too smart and they figured it out.

So, so let's do, let's do a gibberish phrase. Like, um, ask me, what do I want for Christmas? The gut did the goo, the goo with the gum for the go or the gr malus, uh, the guy into the, into the goat. Do the goat, the go . Jason can understand it better than he can speak it. I can speak it . So it, it's like the second syllable.

You use thug gut. Yeah. For you replace with thug for every syllable you. Um, you put in the g Yeah, so like, for my name Tori, to the gore ee and the next sy syllable ee to the gore ee. Yeah. You're adding t, HE, the and G. Mm-Hmm. G it's to the syllable. . It took me a long time to figure it out. You have to write it down.

To understand it. Once you start writing out words, you're like, Oh, that's actually it's once you just like understand what you're doing, it comes pretty natural. Yeah. Okay. So that's a very far fetching language. And so that when, when I'm talking about like, you've got your own language, we're not talking, we're not talking about that.

Although that is kind of one of that's just one of our things if you got young kids You might want to look into a gibberish, but one of our languages we borrow lines from movies. Yeah like um one of our favorites mall cop 2 when He was gonna eat myrtle was down in the basement and he was gonna eat Uh, rotten banana and then Paul Blart's like, you're going to eat that.

So Tori and I, whenever there's something like we don't want to eat, we say, are you going to eat that, you know, or, uh, finding Nemo. Finding Nemo when he was, uh, his dad thought he was hurt. He's like, do you feel any rushing fluids? Overprotective dad. Yes. We, Jason says that to me all the time. Cause I'm more of the overprotective parent in with, with the two of us.

So he'll like. You know, I'm going to check on somebody's like, do you feel do you feel any rushing fluids as if I'm being a little relaxed chick? So that's the thing about you have your own language where you can say little funny things and your spouse knows what you're talking about okay. So whatever it is for you, if you want to know if you have a strong bond, it's one.

Number one is you have your own language. Okay. Number two. You have little rituals and stick to them. Okay, so, let me just say, I was reading this research and Tori and I literally busted out laughing. Okay, so, I'm going to read to you. This is really funny, you guys. The very beginning of this. It almost made me not want to use this research backed information.

Yeah. I was like, oh, you've got to be kidding. Okay, so, anyways, here's the first. Two sentences from this. It says maybe you always brush your teeth together before bed, okay? That's normal, right? Or you have a choreographed dance that you do before the opening theme of your favorite show. Oh, no, uh uh. Before the opening theme of your favorite show, you guys do a dance together.

You break out and dance? We can't be friends in the world. Is this about if that's you don't ever listen to our podcast again. Just playing. No, but I did. I was like, okay, no, really. Does anybody do that? I really hope not. Like it would be kind of fun though. Let's do it. So yeah, I don't know what show we really liked.

I don't know that at the end of the day, us watching our favorite show, I'm in the mood to break out and dance. I'm like ready to wind down. But you know what, you do you. If you want to dance, you can dance if you want to. You can leave your friends behind. If they don't dance. Cause if your friends don't dance and if they don't dance, well they're No friends of mine.

Now that was a choreographed little thing we did there. Uh, we just didn't get up and boogie. But, so whatever it is, yeah, that's, that's a little cheesy, but you know, it doesn't matter. Honestly, if it draws you and your husband, you and your wife together, then do it, you know, or do you end phone calls with silly nicknames for each other?

Uh, either way, research has shown that relationship rituals have an overwhelmingly positive effect on marriage. They're bonding, bonding agents for your relationship. It says specifically that they create and nurture connection and a sense of stability in your bond and they act as. Constant relational touch points, which I love that.

Yeah. That can help you stay tethered to each other. Ah, that's sweet. And your unique identity as a couple. Mm hmm. So, like, figure out some fun rituals. Like, what is it that you could do? Mm hmm. You know, Tori and I, we have just some Like, what's your thing? Yeah. That's just special to you guys. We listed out a couple things.

Some fun, maybe some not so fun. Post dinner walks. Mm hmm. That's a great ritual. I think that's a great ritual for anybody. It's good for your body, too. Yep. It's really good for you. Anytime that you eat something, if you can walk afterwards, it's really good. So what does it do? It helps with your blood sugar levels.

It evens out your blood sugar levels so they don't spike. I think they say 10 to 15 minute, you know, brisk walk after you eat is like, man, it's, it's a miracle cure. So post dinner walks, Tori and I love doing that. Um, oftentimes when Tori has to go to the grocery store, I just grab my keys and I'm the I'm like her chauffeur.

So while she's in the, in the grocery store, I'm listening to a podcast or something like that. Yeah, it's just like an easy connection point, um, for us. We're like, oh, I'm going to the grocery store. Can you have 10 minutes to drive me? Or it's more than that, but that's what I usually start with. She says 10 minutes, but I know it's going to be longer than that.

Sometimes I'll actually bring my laptop and get work done while I'm sitting there waiting for her. But, you know, it's a little ritual for us where we get a chance to spend time together. Catch up a little bit. Yep. Um, a ritual, another ritual we have, we typically always have, Um, we have some type of book or podcast that we're listening to together, you know, it doesn't mean we have to do it every single day, but we go through a book or, or a podcast series or something like that together, uh, where we listen to it together and we won't, we won't continue listening to it until we're together.

So it's, it's fun to do that. Um, uh, let me just say this, here's the best book that I would say in 2023, Tori and I listened to together, and we can say this on a marriage podcast, the best book. That we listened to was married sex by Gary Thomas and Leta Debra Leta. Yeah. Okay. That's fantastic Marry couples.

I think it was the beginning this year Anyway, that's neither here nor there. We actually did a podcast talking about some of that stuff. Okay Another little ritual Tori loves this one every single morning I set out her coffee cup and her bio coffee and I cut the top because bio coffee comes in these little packets So I cut the top of it and I put it in there and I put a little spoon in there and it just waits for her.

Yes, I do really appreciate that. To dump and then put the hot water in. Yep, I wake up knowing that Jason thought about me. That's a good ritual. Another ritual, um, when we sit and talk, it's really funny. But we'll sit, you know, like on our couch in our master bedroom and we'll sit and talk. And the next thing I know, Tori just kind of props one foot up on me and props another foot.

And my hands just gradually gravitate to her feet and just start rubbing. That's my favorite ritual. No, but that's really, you know, I, I think I've mentioned before, I never thought I was a physical touch person. Um, because you really are. And so, you know, there's kind of, I think been this like, Oh no, that's, that's Jason, not me.

Yeah, but as I've kind of embraced it, I'm like, no, you know what, it feels good. It feels good to be touched. It feels good to be loved in that way and being open to be, to receiving love in that way. I, in, in giving you my feet, yeah, you can rub my feet. Of course. I'm actually more, and I think it's been really good for us.

Yeah. You know, just to, to kind of have that routine of sitting together, talking and touching at the same time. Yeah. Non sexual touch. Yeah. Yeah. We call it NSA. No strings attached. This foot rub has no strings attached. And then typically I'll be like, unless you want the strings attached, because we can attach those strings real fast.

How do you feel about attaching strings? Full strings attached. Okay, so, um, and then, we do another one, like if the kids aren't around, you know, they're at the age where they're really busy and they're off doing things, a lot of times Tori and I will make dinner together, and then we'll go get, like, legit old school TV trays, put it in our master bedroom, and then watch, sit on our couch, and watch a little show together while we eat.

It's fun. Get dinner and a movie. Yeah, dinner and a movie. Right at home. Anyway, it doesn't matter what your ritual is. The fact is, Just things that you do on a normal basis together. That's like your thing. That's our thing. That's what we do. It's fun. I love that. I love having things that are our things.

Yeah. So that's number two. So number one, you have your own language. Number two, you have little rituals and you stick to them. And number three, this is fun. You're able to give each other a hard time. So if you're able to tease each other, Like all in good nature without getting offended or hurting someone's feelings.

It's a great, great, great, great sign. Yep. It's very good. It means shows a lot of security in your relationship. And, and that you're confident with each other and that you also understand each other's triggers and you're not willing to cross. Those boundaries, right? Yeah, exactly. You know each other well enough to know what you can say that would be funny and what you cannot say.

Yeah, and this is where you have to be very careful that you don't border on sarcasm. Sarcasm is basically scarcasm where you can, you can say certain things that are true. But they kind of, they kind of, you know, they prod a little bit, they prick a little bit, and, uh, you're trying to wrap humor around something.

Well, it can be kind of passive aggressive. It's like, oh, I'm going to make it funny just so I can say what I need to say. That's not cool. Yeah. That's not what we're talking about here. So, being able to give each other a hard time is all about being on the same wavelength, being fully in sync with each other's sense of humor.

And what happens is that gives you a very deep sense of connection and you can't do this without emotional safety. Um, we've talked about emotional safety a lot. We have. It's really important. Yeah. And, and, you know, Google did that research, um, um, project that was several million dollars that showed what makes the best teams and the teams that turned out to be the best had what they called psychological safety, which basically means that the people on the team felt comfortable to bring their ideas to the team and didn't feel like that they were going to get squashed or made fun of or anything like that.

They could be themselves safely. And I think that's so important in a relationship is that you can be yourself, you can be quirky, you can be silly, and you can trust that your spouse is going to laugh with you or just be like, Oh, that's just Jason, you know, whatever, roll your eyes if you, you know, whatever it is, but it's not like just this despising.

Yeah. So the spouse for their quirks. Yeah. And this goes two ways. So the first is don't cross your spouse's boundaries. Like, don't, don't you scar sarcasm, you know, sarcasm, don't do or say things that, you know, would ultimately end up hurting your spouse. You don't need to have that kind of heart, but the reverse of it is true as well.

Like you got to be able to handle a little poke, a little prod, like kind of laugh at yourself. Yeah. It's totally okay. Like for instance, one of ours, um, um, And you guys have heard me talk about this on the podcast probably quite a lot, but our fridge or refrigerator experiments You know, where stuff at the back of our refrigerator are growing and it's growing and it's a lie and, uh, you know, sometimes I'll see something back there and I'm like, Hmm, well, I've, I've seen that back there quite a long time.

So I'll pull it out and it'll have an expiration date of, you know, like 1957 and I'll hand it to Tori and be like, Hey, can you, uh, make this for dinner tonight? You know, and used to that was like off limits, but totally about, you know, 15 years ago. Yeah. It got on limits. Well, it became so funny. I'm like, yeah.

Did you eat a lot this week? Well, this is what happens when I cook things pile up. That is true. Yeah. She, she'd come right back at me. But um, You know, and the same is true. Tori's got one on me. What was it that you call me? Oh, I always call you the pokey little puppy. Remember you guys remember that little, what kind of, what kind of book is that called?

No, a pop up book. No, I forget what they're called, but children's book. It's a children's book, but it's like a series. of children's book. I can't remember the name. But anyways, the pokey little puppy was one of my favorites growing up and I call you my pokey little puppy because everything you like to do things right.

Yeah. Like you want the, you want the lights off, you want the bed made before you leave, you want the, the drawers pushed in, you want the bar stools, you know, put back or whatever. Like you just like things the way you like things. Yeah. And so a lot of times when we're in a hurry, You're doing your things the right way and I'm like, okay pokey little puppy.

Let's move or like we're okay with that. I'm okay with it So everyone thinks like I'm I'm the one causing us to be late. No, that's not true. No, it's You're gonna lie right here on our podcast Tori. We're gonna have to like There's a little bit of, there's a little bit of pokeyness happening, pokey little puppy.

Uh, Tori also, she, she knows that I really like to inhale my food. I mean, I, I just can't help it. I don't know. Maybe it's because I was raised with David and he and I are just constantly in competition and I just ate fast. Jason, Jason eats like his food is running from him, but it tastes so good that way.

So good. And then I'm sitting there eating and Tori's like, uh, yeah, here it comes. Here it comes. Next thing you know, I start to hiccup a little bit and I could tell it frustrates her so bad. He literally inhales to the point where he sucks in so much air from the inhalation. Yeah. Inhalation is correct that he starts the hiccup.

So I'm like, he's inhaling. I'm like, here comes the hiccups. You know what causes that mostly is, is hard boiled eggs. That's what I got to figure out. I got to figure out why. Does all that air get in there whenever I'm eating hard boiled eggs? Is that what the most, it is the most? Is it the hard boiled eggs?

Yeah, maybe. Because I feel like it's food in general. Maybe that's when the air gets in as I'm eating it because then the air has to leave after I've eaten it. Okay, moving on. Sorry. Um, but I can say that Tori has a massive problem with overstocking butter, cheese, and tea. We have so many boxes of all of that stuff.

I think I have the fear. of not having butter. It's like a legit fear. Like it is. So I overstock butter because the thought of not having butter in the house. We have so much butter. Scary one for me. Yeah. And Jason always makes fun of me. He's like, I don't know. One of the stories like don't get butter.

Yeah, please don't get butter. Dear God. We've got, we've got six refrigerators at our house. No joke. We have six of them. All of them are full. Well, I think the one outside by our pool is not. No, it's not full. Oh. The one and the other, there's two of them that aren't full. Those are backup ones for like holidays.

Okay, so we have four fully stocked refrigerators. A couple of them are tiny though. They're like just the little ones in the, you know. She's taking stock with like Kerrygold. You know? It's great. I love butter. Okay. Butter makes everything better. Yeah. That is true. And so does bacon. Okay. So let me give you these three signs again.

This is, this was a fun one. Three signs that you have a strong bond. This is research backed. You have your own language, you have little rituals and stick to them and you're able to give each other a hard time. When you can get there, you've got yourself a, a really strong bond. I love it. How about that?

Some food for thought. Food for thought. Do you have any food to share with us? Oh, speaking of food for thought. What you got? Um, I made a, um, olive oil lemon cake last week. Oh, I it, this is the one I was telling you guys that I was going to tell you about this week because it was so good. And I, It was like a happy accident is who's Rob, uh, Bob Ross, happy accident, happy little accident.

And I stumbled upon, um, a recipe and then I couldn't find it. Like I looked it up and I think I like, I don't even know. I had part of it written down and then I couldn't find it again. And so I found another one and I combined them and, oh my gosh, it turned out so good. So I'll share it with you guys and it was really good.

So I wanted to do, I was really craving something sweet. And, but I didn't want to eat something like super unhealthy and you know, the, the oils are a big deal right now. Right. Yeah. Um, you really don't want to be eating, um, anything but olive oil or avocado oil or coconut oil. Not grapeseed oil? Grapeseed oil is not, no, not the best.

It's not? It's okay, but it's not the best. Those other three are better. So anyways. How about apple oil? There's no such thing. Oh, okay. It's called applesauce. Try to trip you up there. You almost got me. Okay. Um, so olive oil. So I was, I had come across like an olive oil cake and I was like, Oh, that sounds really good.

And it did that really sound good, though, like when I think olive oil cake, I think. disgusting. Those two things aren't supposed to go together. I know. I would have thought the same thing, but it was good. I was really, really hungry and I wanted something sweet and I knew I didn't want to do anything with bad oils.

And so I was like, Oh, let's try the olive oil cake. Nice. Guess what? What did not disappoint? It did not. So good. And it was moist. It was so good. And, um, for the topping instead of doing, um, powdered sugar, it I did, I came across somebody using, um, their own homemade powdered sugar with arrowroot powder and, um, organic sugar.

You put it in the blender together and it makes powdered sugar. It's good. Like a cup of. Sugar to a tablespoon of arrowroot. Put it in the blender and you've got powdered sugar. You guys, this is revolutionary. I thought you were gonna say for your topping and I discovered this great topping. All you have to do is go to your local Cinnabon and buy the white icing.

Yeah, so good. But, um, Trey's girlfriend Bailey came over and she loves the lemon pound cake from Starbucks and she said this tastes better. Oh yeah, it was. It was totally better. And it tastes like a lemon pound cake. It was really, really good, you guys. And I, I'm going to make it today, probably. Yeah. I'm just, and I'll, I'll do a little reel to show you how I did it.

Yeah, you need to do that. And then I'll, I'll eat it. And everybody will feel good about themselves. Yeah. And, you know, I think this time of year we eat so much junk, something about lemon feels healthier. Yeah. Yes. I have eaten so much Tori's Ranger Cookies that I literally can't eat anymore. It's just not going to happen anymore.

Well, I'm not going to be making them and freezing them because they don't last. Ha, ha, ha. Good call. Alright, hey, thanks for hanging out with us. Three signs of a strong bond. It's good to know that we can have our own language together. We can do all these fun things, but thanks for hanging with us. And listen, have a great Christmas.

Don't do anything we wouldn't do. Oh my goodness, yeah. Merry Christmas. It's December, what is it? December 20th. Yeah. Is that? No. No, it's December 18th. That's what today is. Yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah, so we won't talk to you guys till after Christmas. Have the best Christmas with your family, guys. Yeah. All right.

Peace. Talk to you soon.