Beauty in Battle Podcast

How To Bring Out The Best In Each Other

August 30, 2023 Episode 81
How To Bring Out The Best In Each Other
Beauty in Battle Podcast
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Beauty in Battle Podcast
How To Bring Out The Best In Each Other
Aug 30, 2023 Episode 81

When you were dating you probably heard someone say, "You guys bring out the best in each other." But what does that really mean? And how do you know if you're actually doing it? 

That's what this episode is all about. Building off a marriage blog we recently read, we're going to share 8 ways that reveal you are bringing the best out of each other. 


Show Notes Transcript

When you were dating you probably heard someone say, "You guys bring out the best in each other." But what does that really mean? And how do you know if you're actually doing it? 

That's what this episode is all about. Building off a marriage blog we recently read, we're going to share 8 ways that reveal you are bringing the best out of each other. 


Okay, so today we have a fun one. We're gonna talk about eight signs that you bring out the best in each other. How do you know if you're bringing out the best in your spouse? Well, we're gonna give you eight signs, and I got this from a blog that I read, um, from Prepare and Rich. So thank you folks over there at Prepare and Rich, and we're gonna talk about how you know that you're bringing out the best in each other.

So probably when you guys dated, you heard that phrase, oh, they bring out the best in each other. Mm-hmm. And it's a compliment, right? But what does it mean? Yeah. It's such a good thing to start thinking about if you haven't thought about it in a while. Yeah. And, and how do we know that we're doing it? So we're gonna give you eight signs.

Um, but before that, Tori picked out a really fun song. Yes. We were working out a CrossFit yesterday and this song, there was a remix to the song. We can't find the remix, but it is a good, solid song by Mason Ramsey. And I think he, he first came out with it when he was like 12 years old, and it was so cute.

Yeah. Yeah. I think he was insta-famous pretty quick. It's little 12 year old guy. It's old country song. If I'm gonna be famous for loving, I'm gonna be famous for loving you. His accent, it's just, he's adorable. It's cute. Listen to this pretty.

See. That's cool. I like that little accent. So cute. What is it about country music that has the, I think country music has the best love songs they do other than the decade of the eighties. That's true. And you know, Jason is the one who first introduced me to country music. Never listened to it. Oh yeah.

Except for a little bit at my grandmother's house. Um, George Strait, she sometimes listened to George Strait. Ooh, that's the king of country. Mm-hmm. Wow. So if I was, I, I would clean her house with her and we'd listen to some George Strait, but that was that. Then you introduced me to Who's the girl? Dina Carter.

Yeah. And I was, I was hooked. She's good hooked. That was it. Yeah. Yep. You like some Dina Carter? Uh, you know, it's interesting 'cause my kids, they're all into eighties music now. 'cause we got them into eighties music, but they're into old country, like nineties country. Mm-hmm. Obviously George Strait is eighties and nineties country, but Garth Brooks, I mean, he's incredible.

My kids love George Strait. They love listening to the George Strait box set. And I'm just, it does my heart so well, growing up in Texas, George Strait was the king. Yes, he was the guy. Alright, so this isn't about country music, this is about your relationship. So now let's talk about eight signs that you bring out the best in each other.

Okay. Sign number one. You have a healthy level of self-confidence. This is so true. Isn't it a, a, um, a sign that you bring out the best in each other is that you have a healthy level of self-confidence? Yeah. Um, and I think that it's a question you need to ask, like in your, when you're looking at your spouse, do you see his or her self-confidence get decreasing or increasing?

Yeah, that's, it's something that you need to be asking on a regular basis. And I think another really important, as I, I was thinking about this, something that's really important when it comes to self-confidence. Is taking responsibility. Mm-hmm. Yes. Your spouse has a level of responsibility in bringing that out of you, but ultimately responsibility falls on you first.

Yes. Because, um, I remember very, this reminded me so much of a season in my life where I was feeling such a lack of confidence as a mom, as a wife. Mm-hmm. Just pretty much every area of life I just felt. Insecure. Like I just didn't feel like I was measuring up. Yeah. And I remember, um, I, I think I've shared this before, um, probably even on the podcast.

I know I've shared it before, but I think I've shared it a few times. I've even on the podcast, because this was such a pivotal moment in my life, but I was listening to Jesus' Storybook with the kids. Mm-hmm. And there was like a CD where you could listen to the, um, the author narrating Yeah. And. The kids were sitting on the couch and he said, he was talking about how God created Adam and Eve, and then he said, and they were lovely because God loved them.

That's all he said. And tears just started to fall from my eyes and I just started sobbing because it was like a moment where the Lord was like, you're lovely because I love you. Yeah. Not because anything you've done. Yeah. And I think up until that, like. During that season, I was striving so hard mm-hmm.

To become, you know, yeah. The, the woman I wanted so desperately to be, and it was like the Lord was saying, you need to start. With just being loved by me. Yeah. And knowing that that's what makes you lovely. Oh, that's so good. And I feel like my confidence began to grow from that place of believing that I was lovely because God loved me.

I can see that's so imp important for moms, especially ones that stay at home and you know that you're, you're in a thankless job. Mm-hmm. And it, it just feels like you don't really accomplish that much, but you're, you're doing the best job, the number one most important job. On the planet. Yeah. There. And so it's so incredibly important and I think when your focus is so much on what you lack, um, yeah.

Rather than what you have in Christ and being aware, I am, I'm lovely 'cause God loves me. And coming from that place of abundance Yeah. Is just a, a powerful position, you know, versus this powerless position of. I'm screwing up. I can't get it right. Yeah. What? What's wrong with me? Right? Yeah. You have to come from a place of power.

So if you're growing in self-confidence, both of you are, it's a sign that you build each other up, being around each other, builds each other up. Listen, if you're consistently critical or sarcastic, or you make little comments about your spouse, what it does is it easily erodes their confidence. Mm. It, it's just, and, and I, when Tory and I first got married, I was a very sarcastic dude.

Mm-hmm. I picked up on idiosyncrasies, I would mention, and all sorts of stuff, and I, I could see that it kind of did erode some confidence in Tory, and so I made a change. Yeah, you did. I, I made a change and probably 10 or 12 years ago, I was like, man, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna talk like that. I'm not gonna do little jabs at her.

Like I did my buddies in the locker room. Mm-hmm. I'm not gonna do that. And so now, uh, I can see her con confidence blossoming. Of course, I've never really had a problem with confidence, but, uh, compared to David, yeah, David's beaming with confidence. I always was kind of more in the background, but confidence you need to build each other up.

Mm-hmm. If you both feel good about yourselves, then you're doing a good job in the confidence category. Alright, let's move on to number two. Number two, how do you know if you bring out the best in each other? Number two, you help each other grow. Which basically means you value each other's perspectives, right?

Like you value each other's perspectives, you get their perspective on whatever it is that you're doing, whatever it is that you're thinking, and you help each other grow. So you do challenging things together. You do challenging things together as well, so you're challenging each other. You get each other out of each other's comfort zones.

Yeah. That's a lot of each other I just said as I was thinking about this, you know, concept of letting each other grow. I was thinking about my brown thumb, right? Like, yeah. I, I don't let things grow very well when it comes to plants in our home. And I was just thinking about, just on a practical level, what is it that, you know, what, what is it that causes everything living?

Yeah. Um, as far as plans goes die in our home and it's. Consistency. Hmm. Right. Like for, for me, I get all excited and I'm like, okay, you know, I, I'm gonna do all the things. I know what to do. I can do this. I'm excited. Yeah. We're gonna have basil, we're gonna have fresh basil at will. Great idea. And then I start slipping.

I start forgetting to water. I start forgetting to pick. Yeah. I start. So, and it's. I think the biggest thing with growth is that you're consistent. This is, this is a long-term play. Yeah. This is not just, you know, I'm gonna, today I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna be strong. No. This is like a long-term commitment to speaking life and to your spouse.

Loving them well and just being consistent with it. I like that. 'cause you get out of your spouse, what you speak in. Mm-hmm. So you've got to be able to help each other grow like water, those plants. Water 'em. Okay? So you help each other grow. Number three, you can be fully yourselves. You can be fully yourselves.

Listen, if you have to hide a part of yourself, yeah, you're gonna get exhausted. You won't be able to sustain it. You gotta be able to completely let go down your guard. So if there's a part of you that you, that you have to hide yep. Or you know there's a part of your spouse that she or he doesn't feel comfortable, uh, with you, then you, that's a problem, right?

So you have to be able to be fully yourselves. We've talked about this num uh, several times as well. Google launched an investigation. They spent millions of and of dollars investigating the most successful teams in their company. Yeah, millions of dollars. They measured 180 different teams using 35 different statistical models on hundreds of variables.

This was an intense study, and what they found is that the number one contributor was. Psychological safety. Yeah. Which is being able to show and employ oneself without fear of negative consequences. That's right. I just think that's, that's so good, so strong that the strongest teams that in Google and these people spent millions of dollars to figure this out were people who could be themselves.

Mm-hmm. Could fully be themselves without fear of being criticized. Yeah. And you and your spouse are a team. So give each other that safety, that emotional, psychological safety. Let your spouse be themself. And how do you do that? Well, number four, we'll help you do that. Um, number four is you laugh and have fun together.

Like laughter is a superpower. It is, it's a reset button. It's like a, it's like, you know, I forget exactly the technical. Medical term for what a sneeze does, but when you sneeze it like it, it like releases all sorts of stuff. Yeah. And it like resets your right. I don't know what it resets, but it does some type of reset.

Laughter's the same way having a good belly laugh with each other. It's a reset button. Yeah. And listen, if you're feeling unhappy or criticized in your relationship, then that authentic sense of joy is gonna be difficult to fake. Yeah. You won't be able to laugh. So if you're not laughing together, With each other.

That's a sign that you're not bringing out the best in each other. So if you are laughing, laughing together, that is a sign that you are Yeah. You don't have to take life so serious. It's, it's something that we have to remind ourselves often. Yeah. And I was reminded of this just this week. Our son, Trey is home from college.

He's coming home on the weekends and, um, he has just been so much fun. Yeah. Like when he comes home, he's just ready to have some fun. He's laughing, he's. Um, smiling and it just, it reminded me so much of the kid that he was growing up. Yeah. He's just, he's a cutup. This is Trey. But there, we kinda lost that for a little bit 'cause life got really serious.

His, his having this goal to play division one basketball and going after it with such passion and commitment, you know? And then last year he had a tough year. Mm-hmm. And he lost some of that joy. Yeah. And he, um, and I asked him, Just this weekend, uh, he was just having so much fun. I'm like, what is, I'm like, you're, you're totally like you're a different person.

Yeah. And he said that he had been talking to a mentor and spending a lot of time, and that their goal together, and I love this, this is like the body of Christ coming together, was that Trey. Introduced joy back into his life. Yeah. And he's like, I've been super intentional that life is not what I thought it was.

That that life is actually fun. Yeah. And I was starting to lose my joy because I was taking everything so seriously. Yeah. And I'm shifting the mindset and I'm living thankful, and I'm bringing joy back. And it just reminded me of those verses over and over in scripture that says, rejoice. Yeah. Rejoice means to bring back joy back in.

Mm. And I just saw it in a very, very tangible way. And it just gave me hope because I'm like, this is something that this young, you know, Trey, he's 20, what, 21 now? Yeah. He is capable of doing, we can all do this. We can, we can rejoice if we had it before we can bring it back. It's, and sometimes after a really tough season, it's very, it becomes a very intentional thing.

Yeah. And I, and it starts with gratitude. Yes. For him it was like, I'm just be, I'm really slow. So he told me this, he said, I'm slowing down. To take things in and to be grateful for everything. Yeah. So he's like, but it requires me slowing down. 'cause my brain is always going a million miles an hour of what I need to get done.

Yeah. He's like, but when I slow down and start being grateful and taking in the small things, I find joy. And you can do that in your relationship. You can slow down and take each other in. Like literally sit slow down and think of something awesome about your spouse that you love. Yeah. And just take it in.

Right? You know, just whatever that is, take it in. But then you guys laugh together. Listen, laughing together with, so laughing with each other is important, but also laughing at yourselves is important. Being able to laugh at yourself when you do something stupid or you say something stupid, that's a superpower as well.

So that's number four. You laugh and have fun together. Number five, you help each other work through personal issues. Hmm. So you're the person your spouse leans on. To process difficult situations. How do you know that you're bringing out the best in each other? Well, you're the person that your spouse goes to, right?

That's important. Or your spouse is the person you go to. Difficult situation is the first call a mom or a dad, or is the first call your spouse? Yeah. If it's a mom or a dad, you got some work to do. If it's your spouse, then that's, that's aiming you in the right direction. So it's your spouse that you lean on and that you rely on to help you through personal issues.

Now, it doesn't have to just be your spouse, right? Obviously. God puts us in proximity with close friends. Yeah. So then you're gonna be able to work out some things with, with other people, especially counselors, therapists, that kind of stuff. But your spouse is somebody that helps you work through personal issues.

That's a sign that you bring out the best in each other. Yeah, and I think this requires making space for these conversations. I think about the times where we haven't been good about this, and that's when our. Healthy marriage habits we're lacking, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. But when we, we are doing well with our healthy marriage habits, which is making space for each other on a regular basis.

Then we, then we have time for these conversations. Yeah. And so healthy marriage habits are so important because it allows space for these conversations to, to happen. So for like Jason and I, some healthy marriage habits are going for walks that make space for it. Mm-hmm. When we're gonna, if we're gonna run errands, let's just do it together so we have some extra time in the car Yeah.

To talk through some things. Um, we go on hikes, um, and then we work out together. And so, We're in the car on the way there, on the way back, and sometimes we're catching up on things. So it's just making that time for those conversations. Yeah, I love that. Now, number five is linked real close to number six.

So number five is you can help you, you help each other work through personal issues. Number six is you're comfortable bringing up issues. Mm-hmm. So you, you have a healthy level of comfort in actually bringing up some things that are difficult. Like you're, you're not afraid to bring stuff up for fear of a blowout.

Yeah, that's so true. You can share what you want or need from your spouse, and you both can handle constructive criticism. We know relationships where one or both spouses can't bring up certain things because they know that the other spouse can't handle it. Mm-hmm. And then it would just literally ruin.

The week or the month or whatever. It's like, okay. So those things are outta bounds, a healthy relationship mm-hmm. Doesn't have things that are out of bounds Yeah. When it comes to bringing up difficult issues. Yeah. And I was gonna say, let's be honest, that's been us on numerous, in numerous seasons of our life.

Do what, what mad at you for saying that? I think, I think that, um, this requires, Emotional intelligence, right? Yeah. Because emotional intelligence is, is broken down to four qua quadrants. Self-awareness, your awareness of yourself, and what you're feeling, what you're thinking. Self-management, the ability to manage your emotions.

And then social awareness or others, awareness and relationship management. And so to be comfortable bringing up issues is going to require some emotional intelligence. You're going to have to be aware of where your spouse is. Is this a, is this a good time to talk about this? Like, can you read their emotion?

Can you know how they're feeling? And is this a, a good time? That's what, um, emotional or relationship management is, is knowing when. When not to speak. Right? Yeah. There are times where, um, where it's, okay, you know what, this is a great time for us to bring up this issue, but there are times that it is not, and like for you and I in our relationship, I think some of our biggest, um, arguments have come just from bad timing.

So like for you, I know when you are hungry or tired or just coming home from a trip or really just tired or hungry, it's not really going to be the best time because that's the boy. Yeah. All boys, they need, they need energy and they need food. Yeah. And so I have learned, and this is, you know, takes years to learn these things and to learn each other, but that's definitely not gonna be the right time.

To bring up certain issues. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But when you and I are in a good place and you're full and you're rested and we're, we're, we're doing well, then you're going to be more open. Yeah. To complaint, you know, we talk about criticism and complaint uhhuh, but complaint is even, even in complaint, you, you wanna wait for the right timing.

And I know that, you know, some, you know, if I'm grumpy or you know, tired and you know, for me it's hungry too. Huh? I don't, I don't do, well guess everybody. So timing is so important. Yeah. And the, the key there is if, if you feel like you can never bring up mm-hmm. An is a particular issue to your spouse, then that's.

You, you've got some things to work through. Both of you do. Yeah, and that's fine. 'cause every, every couple goes through that. Alright, number seven, you, you're thriving in many areas of life. When you feel confident and secure in your relationship, then you're better equipped to put energy into other areas of life as well.

Like your job, your family, friends, hobbies, interests. Your life feels very well-rounded. Mm-hmm. Um, and you're helping each other maintain a decent work-life balance. Yeah. You know, this is a sign Yeah. That you're thriving in other areas of life. Um, this is a sign that you're bringing out the best in each other, right?

Because the quality of your life is tied to the quality of your relationships. So this is kind of one of those things that is kind of a no-brainer. Like if your, your relationship is well, then you're most likely gonna be thriving in your. And the other areas of your life. Yeah. And it's just understanding how, how important relationships are so that you value them and you put the work in.

Yeah. That's so true. Number eight is the last one. How do you know that you're bringing out the best in each other? Your personalities strike the right balance. Hmm. So everyone's got both strengths and weaknesses, right. But when you're mentally and emotionally balanced, then you're more likely to draw out the strengths in each other's personalities.

Yeah. You know, the, the positive side's, not the negatives, but when you're stressed or struggling, it's common to see that less desirable side. Right. So if you're both in the sweet spot, most of the time mm-hmm. Of course you're not ever gonna do it all the time, but most of the time, Or you can help each other get back real quick.

Mm-hmm. Then you're bringing out the best in each other. It's a good sign. Yep. That's such a great point that you can get back real quick. Right. Yeah. That's the key. Like, and this just takes time, but I look looking back at our relationship as we're growing and you know, from where we were 15, 20 years ago.

I think the biggest growth that we've had is like getting back quick, so much quicker. Mm-hmm. You know, if there was any kind of conflict or any kind of, um, um, disagreement or it took a long time or feelings right. All those things, it just would take a lot longer to get back. But when you can get back quick, that's a huge sign of.

Growth in your relationship and understanding that your personalities are meant to compliment each other. Yeah. And so is your personality complimenting your spouse? Yeah. It's a good like asking that question. Yeah. I like that. Think about that. Is your personality complimenting your spouse and is their personality complimenting you?

It should be. 'cause that's the way God made it to be. Yeah. If one is not, then let's look at that. Let's talk about that. Yeah. Accept each other for, for your strengths and your weaknesses. So here are the eight signs again. Eight signs that you bring out the best in each other. One, you've got a healthy level of self-confidence.

Two, you help each other grow. Three, you can be fully yourselves. Four, you laugh a lot and have fun together. Five, you help each other work through personal issues. Number six, you're comfortable bringing up those difficult issues. Number seven, you're thriving in many areas of life. And eight, your personalities strike the right balance.

Thank you, prepare and rich for writing that blog. That was fun to go through. I love when Tori and I find little lists like that because I know it's gonna be helpful for you guys. It's helpful for us. So helpful for us because I'm reading through it, so good. Um, okay. Quick little, um, What did we, what did we eat this week that I liked?

I'm not gonna be doing a reel on this 'cause I, I didn't video it. Maybe next time I will, but super simple, high protein and I loved it. Um, I, I think I saw it on Instagram. I have no idea where, but, so I can't give credit. But basically you just ground some, um, grass fed beef in onion and some taco seasoning, so you're just making taco meat.

And then you take cottage cheese and is it, what is the, is it called the good one? I think that's the brand. I'm not sure that's, there's an organic brand. I think it's called, I'm Not the Guy to Ask. I know. I'm sorry. I think it's called, it's good. Maybe the good one. I think it is the good one. And um, it's, or you can get organic and it has a ton of probiotics, prebiotics.

Prebiotics in it. Anyways, you put that at the bottom of your dish, then you. Squirt some sriracha, and then you put your ground beef on top of that, and it is. High protein and so incredibly easy. I've been trying to look for some high protein quick meals, and I came across that one and it was delicious. So you guys give it a try.

Um, I'm, I'm looking at a lot of different cottage cheese with this good one. 'cause since it's organic, it's got the probiotics, um, different recipes 'cause you, because every serving of that cottage cheese is an extra 14 grams of protein. Wow. And so you've got like the ground beef, which is like 30. It's a very high protein meal.

Oh, I love it. Yep. So incredible. It was actually extremely good. Yeah. The sriracha was really working. Anything where you tell me it's healthy and it has protein mm-hmm. That my brain already tells me it tastes good because I think I grew up eating those. Nasty balance bars when they first came out and I had to tell myself they're good.

Yeah. But they were terrible. Your food is very good. You trick, you tricked your brain. Yeah. I didn't have to trick my brain on that one though, that you me just made. Mm-hmm. So there we go. Alright. Alright. Hey, thanks for hanging out with us. Listen, don't forget, rate, review, subscribe. If uh, you like our podcast, share it out.

Let's get some more people, uh, chiming in. So thanks for hanging out with us and we will see you next time. See you guys.