Three Components of Romantic Love

Did you know that you can grow the romantic aspect of your relationship?  In this episode we're going to dive into the three aspects of romantic love and how you can grow in each. 

We'll also explore how to unlock your five senses to get the most out of your relationship. Spoiler alert - it may mean you need to stop wearing cologne/perfume!!!

Enjoy!

Transcript

Okay, so today we're talking about the three components of romantic love. Kind of piggybacking off of last week, right? Yeah. Last week we did the six types of love and um, and maybe, maybe I'll give you the six types of love real quick. You need to go back and listen to that podcast. That was fun. And yes, I am losing my voice so.

I even told Tori, I said, Hey, we gotta knock a podcast out like right now because I'm probably gonna wake up in the morning and not have a voice. Mm-hmm. So lemme give you these six types of love that we talked about last week. You need to go back and listen to this cuz that was really fun. Eros. Uh, this was all given to us by the Greeks.

By the way. Eros love. That's the sexual passion and desire. Uh, philia love. That's deep friendship. There's the luda love, that's playful love. Um, there's agape love. That's selfless love. There's pragma. That's the longstanding love. And then last, there's Phil Philia, that's self-love. And what the Greeks believed and what we know is true is that you can grow in each one of those.

And the more you grow in those, the better husband or wife you're gonna be. So grow in your love. Oh, and there goes Tori. She's playing our song. Just press stop. You can't jump the gun on that. What are you doing? I didn't mean to, that was a mistake. I'm sorry. Yeah. Okay, so let's wait on that because that that does, that's a great intro for, for the song.

Do you wanna play the song or you want me to play the song? No, I'll play it in a second. Sorry guys. Push play a little too early. Keep going. That's awesome. See, most podcasters would actually delete that out, but we don't wanna do that. We're gonna leave it in. You can have it. Um, yeah. What is our song anyway?

Well, we have to kind of set it up because have we not had the most incredible summer of all times? Yeah. As it relates to weather. It has been so cool outside. Yes. Like, it's like 60 degrees in June. When has that ever happened in North Carolina? Yeah. It's incredible. I feel like I'm back in Torrington, Connecticut.

Yeah. And we're in, we're in Charlotte. Actually next week we're going to Baja Ba Main. Mm-hmm. To eat some, we're so excited. Lobster rolls. We loved go to New England, especially this time of year, just to get away from the heat. But we're actually not getting away from the heat cuz it's been absolutely gorgeous here.

It's been so cool. It just had some thunderstorms and it's overcast and there's a song it's called I Would Never Fall in Love Again by Steven Sanchez. And it's just the right vibe for the For the weather. Don't you think? I think the name of the song, cuz I'm looking at it on Apple is Until I Found You by Steven Sanchez.

Okay. All right. You play it or I can play it. Okay. Okay. Here, hold on. I got you. I got you. I got you right here. Ready? Well, I was gonna go on it. Check this out.

That's a cool sound. It is.

This is good. It's a perfect summer song.

Wait for it.

There you go. That's it. I love, it's so good. That's, that's a really good song. I feel like we need to like have a little barbecue outside and listen to that. Yeah, I like that a lot. Okay, so let's get into the three components of romantic love. You wanna know what the first one is? Yes, I do. Let me take a drink of water first.

Uh, the first component of romantic love is passion. So that's the first. Okay. I'm gonna give you the second and the third, and then we're gonna dive into each of these. Okay. Ready, passion, intimacy and commitment. So three components of romantic love. Like all of us as, uh, husbands and wives need to grow in our relationship and we need to grow in romance.

When I'm talking about romance, I'm talking about like that. That emotion that you feel. Mm-hmm. Like all through your body and soul. Mm-hmm. Like we can grow in that love. We can. And God wants it wants us to grow in that love. And if you've read our book, you see how Tori and I won back our romantic flame that we lost and how God gave it, gave me the three step process through Revelation two.

If you haven't read our book, go read it and you'll get that process. I'm not gonna give it to you. You gotta get the book. Just do it or die. But God wants us to grow in our romantic loves. Mm-hmm. And so, I was reading this blog by the fi, the Five Love Languages, uh, Gary Chapman, and he was talking about these three components.

I was like, oh, I like this, so I wanna use these. So I got these three from Gary Chapman. He's well versed, well studied, um, better researcher than I am, and he said three components of romantic love, passion, intimacy, and commitment. So the passion, passion is the biological component. Intimacy is the emotional component, and commitment is the logical component.

Okay, good. So let's look at. Passion first. Okay. And what I've seen with the biological component, this is our bodies, okay? Mm-hmm. We need to wake our bodies up. Yep. We gotta wake our bodies up. Now, obviously, I, let's stay in shape. Okay? Let's, let's do something. Stay healthy. I'm not saying everybody's gotta be all trim and cut and all that kinda stuff.

No. But get your heart rate up a little bit. Mm-hmm. A little bit every day. Even if it's just a walk. Stay healthy. You know, don't, don't eat processed foods and fried foods and all that kind of stuff, you know, if you're gonna do that, just do it on a cheat day. Once a week so you can enjoy some of those things you love.

But stay healthy because if you're not feeling healthy right, then you're not gonna be all there for your spouse. Yeah, it's so true. I mean, just look. Go Google what happens inside your body when you drink a can of Coke, right? Yeah. Drink a can of Coke and then just go look at all the things that happen inside your body after that happens.

Now ma'am, when it's going down, there is nothing that tastes better. But if you make it a habit to where you're sucking down Coke or Mountain Dew or any type of soda for that matter, then you're not gonna be healthy. So first, stay healthy, but then I wanna look into something that's a little bit deep deeper when it comes to passion, the biological component.

I wanna talk about awakening the five senses. So if you want to grow in passion, the biological component, you gotta wake up the five senses. Sight, touch, smell, taste, sound. So let's think about this tour sight. Site's important, right? Like, you need to look good for your spouse. Mm-hmm. Like what, what can you wear that your spouse likes?

Mm-hmm. Now I'm not just talking about women wearing something, you know, at night for your husband or whatever. Yeah. I mean, that's a part of it. You know, if that's you, you're you young enough to be into that, but then it's like just the regular clothes you wear. Mm-hmm. Like what is your spouse like? Yeah.

Wear that. Yeah. It's so true. I, you know, the kids, a lot of times when you'll go outta town and you're coming back, they haven't been around for a while, and I'll go put on some makeup and kind of get ready. They're like, where, where are we going? I'm like, no, we're just dad's coming home. Yeah. And I don't wanna look like I got hit by a truck because I feel good when I look good.

And I know that you like it and. So it's just something to keep on your radar and it's something that's important, right? Yeah. Because you, the, the fact of the matter is, is how you, you behave off of what you feel like. And if you feel the point, feel like frumpy and gross and disgusting, then you behave like that, right?

Like, yeah, that's good. But I remember we grew up in, um, in. A private school where everybody wear uniforms and that was the thing that they always like made a big deal about, is like, we want you to look presentable, we want you to look together because that's how you'll behave and whenev when there's no discipline and there's just, you know, you can just wear whatever you want.

Yeah. Then it's, you know, you tend to act more, you know, chaotic and. I just remember them explaining that to me. Like, oh, whatever. Like, just, it's true. I don't wanna wear a uniform, but it is true. It really is true. Like how you dress is important. Yeah. And you know, whenever I come in from a road trip or whatever, and Tori is wearing that, like, I like it.

I literally, I see it, I notice it, and I'm like, okay, this is cool. Like, I, I, it feels good to me. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, two stories on that real, real quick that are funny. When David and I were in spring training before Tori and I got married, David was married for a year. And I showed up, this was in 19, I think he got married in 98.

I showed up in spring training of 99 and he was wearing male capri pants. Oh, okay. And this, it went, it was a, it was crazy because I remember seeing those same Capri pants on a mannequin in Gap uhhuh like a week earlier. And I remember thinking, what a joke. Those things lasted like two months in terms of like nobody bought 'em.

Right? But David was wearing 'em and I started laughing so hard. I was like, what are you doing? He's like, Lori thinks I look great. And I'm, yeah. I'm like, well, okay. More power to you. You can wear 'em, but don't be around me than those things. You know, buddy wore what his wife liked. I like, I think that's cool.

And then it reminds me, when I was in high school, we had, uh, we had these borrowed uniforms for baseball. Mm-hmm. And, um, one of, we all were putting on these uniforms and so they were all just like, none of them fit right or whatever. And the hats were too big. And this was one outfielder. He literally looked like an absolute loser.

He put his uniform on the shirt was way too big. The pants were way too small. His hat looked like a trucker's hat that was standing straight up. And it looked like Donald Duck, like the flap of it was really long. And he's. You know how you, you, you play how you feel? Yeah. And we're like, yeah. And he goes, well, I, I feel like I look like an effing clown right now.

He said, this is gonna be a long day anyway. Tori's right though. What? You know, like, look good. So that sight awaken, awaken the five senses. So sights first touch. That's next. Listen, touch each other often. Mm-hmm. Like do it a lot. Hold hands a lot. If you're, um, driving in a car and you're next to each other, just one of you reach over and touch the hand of the other, and you guys just kind of hold hands there for a little bit.

Yeah, and I think I mentioned this before, I was not naturally a touchy person, um, at the beginning of our marriage and it's just, you know, something that I had to like just proactively do. And now I actually enjoyed. Touching you and holding you and, um, holding your hand. Because the more you do something and the more you expose yourself to it, and the more you are in, you know, practicing it, the more it becomes second nature.

And you're like, oh, I'm actually a physical touch person now. Yeah. You know, and then you, you guys also have to have an understanding that you hold hands so long as you don't have sweaty palm. And then once you go to sweaty palm, that is a hundred percent true. Let go. Like, if we get hot, then there's no touching.

That's just no touchy. Touchy. I can't, I can't be smoking hot. Hey. Hats off to, um, Tanner and Brittany Hoyt, two folks that we are, that are a part of our marriage mentorship program. This is great. We were talking with them one night and, um, I, I forget how we jumped on that conversation, but I said, you know, Brittany, is there anything that Tanner can do to make you feel more connected or more loved, or whatever?

And she just said so clearly. Yeah, like, I wish. That he would hold my hand more like I wish that he would. We'd have more physical. Yes. Non-sexual touch. Non-sexual, that's how she said it. Mm-hmm. Non-sexual, physical touch. Mm-hmm. And hats off to Tanner. The next time we talk, like a week or two later, he's like, she said he's been doing awesome.

Yeah. We were just asking like how connected they were feeling, and she's just like, That's like outta 10. I'm like, well, tell us about this. And she said, well, Tanner's just been so good at the non-sexual touch. Like he's just been proactive about it. I feel so loved. I love it. And Tanner's like, you know, talk was talking about how like that does not come natural to him.

Yeah. It's not something that he like would typically do, but he's doing it and he's beating her love language and Yeah. And I'm laughing because Tanner told us the reason it doesn't come natural because at Liberty University where they met and they dated, They would have certain people that you could tell that they just started dating or whatever, and they got their arms wrapped around each other walking and it looks like they're trying to help each other down the, the steps and stuff.

Mm-hmm. And he's like, it just annoyed him so bad. Yeah. Well then that made him self conscious. So pda, public display of affection was out. Yeah. He's like, I know I'm never gonna do that. So told Tanner he is gotta get past that. He's gotta repent for all those negative thoughts that he had towards those people.

But anyway, it is true, like sometimes you do have to kind of figure out the origin of, of those thoughts. Like, why, why do I not like to do this? Oh, I remember watching people and I judged. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So there you go, Tanner. Good job judging, but good job overcoming it. And now good job. Overcoming what's, yeah, there you go.

Now, now you're doing a great job as a husband. So Tanner and Brittany. Bravo. Okay, so that, so that's touch. Um, now smell. Now smell is the strongest of all the senses. Mm-hmm. And it's the strongest of senses to bring back memories. So I think this is interesting note. It's so true, especially when Christmas happens.

Uhhuh, this is when everybody wants to like, smell things. Yeah. Smell candles. And I actually pick up presents and I smell the paper. Mm-hmm. Because just the smell of the paper reminds me, it puts me back when I was eight years old. Yep. Before I, we'd go open presents or whatever and I would smell it. So smell is the most important, important one.

Mm-hmm. This is where you also like light candles. Yeah. In your house. Um. How about this one to chew gum? Yeah, I like that We are firm believers of having gum in like the, our drawers next to our bed at all times. Yeah, because that's really important. Good breath. My dad used to always say, well, what do he say?

I'd rather have bad breath than no breath at all. Yeah. I'd rather have no bad breath and no breath at all. I'm like, well, let's just work on both. And a lot of people think, but here's, here's what's crazy. A lot of people think that means you wear perfume or cologne. Now, I gotta be honest, um, most people can't take that for too long.

Mm-hmm. But the reason why is because our bodies secrete something called pheromones. Mm-hmm. And I never knew this. Yeah. Um, you know, the, the, the dj, maybe if you're old and enough, you'll remember KJ 52. Let's do KJ 52. I'm too young dj. Anyway, we've done a few events with KJ 52 and backstage. He was talking with us about pheromones and, and, uh, somebody was wearing cologne or something.

You know, like if you go like, seriously, there are speakers that have writers, which mean. In their speaker's contract, it says that whoever's picking them up from the airport cannot be wearing perfume or cologne. Mm-hmm. Because it will, it literally like rock their head. Yeah. It'll mess their heads up.

Yeah. And then they can't speak. Mm-hmm. Uh, Chuck. Cause there's a lot of chemicals in a lot of those colognes and a lot of people are sensitive, like you and I both we're. Can't super sensitive to cologne, the chemicals and perfumes and colognes. Although I did find one. That I'll recommend to all of you dime.

D i m e. They don't use any of that bad stuff. And is that gross? It's the only colo, um, perfume that doesn't give me a headache dime, but sorry. You're such a dime. Okay. But anyways, so pheromones, um, and I look this up because I learned about pheromones, but it's your body's natural, natural smell. Mm-hmm.

And it, if you're married, You're in a good position with each other, like you're in a good relationship with each other, then that natural smell of your spouse without anything on top, like without added mm-hmm. Perfumes or colognes draws your spouse to you. So a pheromone is a secreted or excreted chemical factor that triggers a social responsive members of the same species.

So pheromones are chemicals capable of acting like hormones outside the body, and I love that. That's so cool. And what they do. For the secreting individual, it affects the behavior of the one who's receiving it. Hmm. So Tori has a natural scent. Her, her skin has a natural scent. Now, none of y'all have smelled it, but I do cuz I'll go up and hug her, I'll smell her neck, you know, or whatever.

And she doesn't wear per perfume cuz I don't want her to wear perfume, but that natural smell, I love it. And it draws me to her. Well, my natural scent, especially right after a workout draws Tori to me. Maybe not after a workout. Maybe not right after a workout, but it's why, you know, if, if you know, you hear people either die or mm-hmm.

Or a long trip or something, and you go grab one of their shirts. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's like even after it's been through the wash. Yeah. It still smells like them. You gave me a shirt, um, the first summer I met you. Oh, that's right. And it smelled, I mean, it smelled like you for. Like I, I kept it forever and I think we still have it.

And I lured you in. Yeah, it, yeah. Yeah. It's funny how so, so that's strong smells can be. Yep. That sight, touch, smell. Then there's taste. Mm-hmm. Uh, taste. I'm just telling you, if you guys get to where you can be foodies together, it's so important. Food draws everybody together. It, I mean it does everybody.

God created it and Jesus had the last supper. We all such a need. Yeah. We have such a need for it. We. Um, it's just fun. Like, there's so much fun to be had around food. Yeah. And so much pleasure. And when you're having that together, it bonds you. You're like having experience, you're having, you know, you're, you're both enjoying it.

It just bonds you. And, and that's why I've, I've always said that if you guys ever choose to do one of our, um, marriage intensives where you come to our house and you stay in our little suite or whatever, Tori and I pride ourselves on the food aspect. Mm-hmm. So Tory makes food is important, a lot of food.

And then we go to some really nice places. But, so food, so that's taste. And then lastly of the five senses is sound. Mm. I'm telling you, soft music in your house. Yes. So incredibly important. Mm-hmm. It really does set the mood. Um, but not only that, but the way you talk to each other. Mm-hmm. A non-threatening tone.

Yeah. That type of sound. Yeah. Just very relaxing and comforting and peaceful. Yes. So that's, so that's the, the first component of romantic love, passion, that's the biological component. We're talking about awakening the five senses. Let's look at the second component of romantic love. It's intimacy. This is the emotional component.

Mm. Okay. So intimacy is to be fully known and fully accepted. So that's so incredibly important. You gotta be fully known and fully accepted. So let's look at fully known. That means that you and your spouse need to have full disclosure with each other. Nothing's off limits. Mm-hmm. And there are no secrets.

Yeah. Can't be secrets, guys. Mm-hmm. Just full disclosure. But that leads to, uh, fully accepted. So you got fully known and fully accepted 

with fully accepted, you need, uh, emotional safety. Mm-hmm. So if Tori is going to have full disclosure with me, then she needs to feel emotional safety. That, that I'm going to accept her no matter what she says. Yeah. You see? Mm-hmm. Uh, Google did this. Research project. Remember what the right psychological safety they, they called it?

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Tell 'em about that, that research project. So there was a research, um, project done by Google and basically, um, they followed just a bunch of different groups in the company to see who was thriving and who was the most successful. The most successful groups, they narrowed it down to one thing, and it was psychological safety where they could be themselves, where they were free to make mistakes and not to be made fun of, but they could, they could talk openly about things and be vulnerable.

And they, and that was met with compassion and acceptance and like, okay. Like there was no, you know, um, Getting made fun of. Yeah. Or, um, but getting, you know, getting your idea just like knocked down, like, oh, that's stupid. They felt safe. They felt safe to be creative. They felt, felt safe to just, um, try new things.

And, and those were the most successful groups were those who had that safety and, and to create emotional safety so that your spouse can have full disclosure with you. You have to focus on empathy and understanding. Mm. Like it's, it's a hundred percent. Like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take off my shoes for a second.

Mm-hmm. I'm gonna fully listen to you to understand you and I wanna walk in your shoes. Right. You know? And that's what I wanna feel. Because maybe one or both of your spouses is, as a spouse is having a hard time fully disclosing Yeah. Will make it safe for them. Right. In 'em a safe environment. Mm-hmm.

And they can open up. Emotion is an impulse to act. So once you have created this, this environment for emotional safety, and you're both fully known, fully accepted, then you gotta create an environment where you can have good emotions, like the five senses above. So you want to grow in your intimacy. Okay.

To be fully known, fully accepted, and this is where communication and conflict management come in. Mm. Like you gotta make sure that you're communicating. Yeah. You gotta make sure that you're not like you. You can never subscribe to that. Hey, I love you. If anything changes, I'll let you know. I don't know.

Say it all the time. Mm-hmm. And then don't just say it. Tell 'em why you love them. Mm-hmm. You know? And what you like about 'em. Like communicate those things, right? That's why God says, enter my gates with thanksgiving on my courts with praise. Like, you need to tell me these things. Mm-hmm. Thank me for what I've done and praise me for who I am and, and you're gonna get my presence.

Yeah. So that's intimacy. That's the emotional component. So the first component is passion. That's the biological component. Then intimacy, that's the emotional component. And the third component of romantic love is commitment. That's the logical component. Mm. And this is where romance is a choice. Mm. It really is.

You've gotta understand. Yeah. And the way to do this is you, you've got to be able to move from emotional to transactional. Yeah. So good. Mm-hmm. We were actually just talking to one of, um, one of our coaching clients, um, Zach and Andy today. And they were talking about, she was just talking about how she was moving from, from.

Emotional to transactional and just listening to her, I'm like, wow, this, she is really, really learning this. Like she's really practicing it and it's, it has been blessing their relationship so much because she's able to get from, you know, this emotional, like you working through things emotionally to being reconnected with Zach so quickly.

Yeah. Versus, you know, Where before it was really hard. Like there would, there could be. And you and I, the same exact story. Oh yeah. Like there could have been days and days and days where we just couldn't get past something emotionally, right? Yeah. And then, but just practicing that, okay, you know what, this, this really bothered me.

This was frustrating, but you know what? I'm on your team. You're not my enemy. You're actually my greatest strength. You're my greatest ally, and I'm not willing to forsake that right now. Like I'm, I'm not willing to do that, and so I'm gonna make that shift. And it's just such a blessing to your relationship when you can learn to do that.

Yeah. And Andy seems so happy. It's, yeah. Zach and Andy Wooldridge, they're fantastic at that. They've been on a podcast. I know we talked about Tanner and Brittany earlier. They've been on one of our podcasts, but Andy was so happy. It was. Mm-hmm. It was like I, we were like, Hey, you guys look, Like, you're doing great.

I mean, you seem like you're, she's like, yeah. You know, I just don't take things as personal anymore. Mm-hmm. And I'm just like, oh, this is great. That's exactly what we're getting at here. Yeah. Is you got, well, she's really, she really sees Zach as a teammate and somebody who's for her, and they've, they've got goals together.

They've got things they're moving towards. And anything that would get into the way of that just doesn't make as much sense anymore. Yeah. You know? Well, Zach, Would have to be a good teammate. He was a special operator. Mm-hmm. In the military. So yeah. He's the kind of guy you want on your team. Right. You know?

And so when it comes to commitment, so the first two components of romantic love are passion. That's biological and intimacy. That's emotional. So you got the, you got those really emotional, physical aspects of it, but this commitment mm-hmm. Is that logical component. Listen. You grow close to the people that you're committed to.

Mm-hmm. You really do. Yeah. You know, if, if I'm, if I go into something non-committal, it's not really a big deal. I don't really feel close to you. You know? It's like, okay, you're a parent on the, on the same team. You know, our kids are on the same baseball team. Mm-hmm. You know, like they're committed for one hour a week Yeah.

To play. It's like, okay, there's no commitment, but then all of a sudden, You step up to where you guys are committed into, you know, let, let's just say, you know, like for, for you and me and our commitment, we stood at the altar and said, if the only thing that's gonna separate us is death. Mm-hmm. Like that commitment I gave you my heart.

You gave me your heart. Yeah. That draws. Us close like that is, that's actually really romantic. Yeah. It's like, Hey, I'm never gonna leave you Right. I'm never gonna forsake you like you are my girl. Yeah. Kind of thing. And it's like when you like look back on your life and you see all, I mean, we've been married for 20, what are we coming up on?

23. 23 years. And you look back at all of the adversity that we've been through together, all of the really, really hard times. You're like, we made it through that. Yeah, we can do this. We can do anything. Like we, we've done such hard things together. You make it through the first five years of marriage when you got three kids.

You can make it through anything. You can do anything. Oh, I'm telling you. But so that's, but that's where we look at the logical component. Of romantic love, it's where you just make decisions. Mm-hmm. And, and I do wanna say this and just kinda take this in a different direction just for a minute and then we're gonna close this up.

But, um, it reminds me of, you know, like if it's been a little bit for Tori and I, you know, we've talked to you guys about, Having a rhythm for your intimacy together. Mm-hmm. Like physical intimacy, where you guys talk about a rhythm, you know, you're gonna go once a week, you're gonna go twice a week, you're gonna go every other day.

What are you gonna do? Mm-hmm. Um, get it to a rhythm. So for Tori and I, if it's, you know, we're on the day where we, we typically would come together and be physically intimate. Um, Tori knows how to get herself in the mood. She knows, like, and, and especially when the kids were younger, she's like, okay, honey, you do the kids' bath tonight.

You know, and get, get 'em into bed and all this kinda stuff and you know, and I'll, I'll just relax a little bit and, and then I'll be ready. That is a decision. Mm-hmm. That is a choice, because in that moment, the last thing she wants is me touching her because she's had kids touching her all day long.

Mm-hmm. But she has to make a choice. Yeah. Right? And then I have to make a choice that, okay, I'm gonna jump in, I'm gonna dive in, I'm gonna help out with the kids, and all this kinda stuff. So you're making decisions. Yeah. That's the logical component. That's the commitment part. Yeah. And uh, and when you do that, the next thing you know, The passion awakens.

Right? The intimacy awakens you're feeling emotionally connected to each other. You know, your bodies are connecting and all of that kind of stuff. Right. And romantic love comes back alive. Yeah. Yeah. Because intimacy is one of our commitments to each other. Like, we are going to make time to, to be intimate with each other cuz we know how much, how important that is to our relationship.

Yeah. And God designed it that way. It's, it was meant for that. And so, yeah. So it's, it's making that commitment and when you don't feel like it, Knowing what you can do to get there. Yeah. Right. Like figure out what are the things that you can do. Some of the things for you and for me is for you to really jump in and help.

Mm-hmm. Because I'm, you know, my mind has been Yeah. Kid mode for however many hours, so Yes. Like you understand that, but you also understand that there is reward Yeah. When you jump in and help. And that's something that we've talked to lots of couples about, like mm-hmm. Like especially for women. Women, you can use sex as a reward.

There's nothing wrong with that. Mm-hmm. Now you don't wanna reverse that. And Yeah, there's always, and withhold it, right? If he doesn't have good behavior. Right. But it's like, Hey, help me with this, do this, do this, and then Yeah. Yeah, we can do that. Obviously all those, those things could be used for manipulation and that would not be good.

Yeah. But it doesn't, it's not always manipulation when you use it as reward. And I would also say that if you guys are fighting, if you're not in a good place, relationally, don't put sex on hold. Don't do it. Figure out a way to come back together. Even if you, listen, we've talked about this before and this is so important, but if, you know, like Lundy, when she hurt her eye, she couldn't have surgery until the swelling went down.

Mm-hmm. So sometimes you get into arguments and stuff and you can't really talk through it until. The swelling of your relationship goes down and the one thing you're supposed to do in the meantime is just focus on good marriage habits, right? Like get park that situation for a week or two. Mm-hmm. Or three weeks sometimes.

Or maybe even a month. Park it knowing that you're gonna come back and talk about it. Yeah. In the meantime, focus on healthy marriage habits. And I'm telling you, one of the healthiest marriage habits is being physically intimate with each other on a regular basis. So don't park that just because you guys are arguing, if you do that, you open each other up to other people.

Yeah. And you just don't wanna do that. And so, so anyway, there, there we go. Right there. The three components of romantic love, passion, intimacy, commitment, passion's, the biological component, intimacy's the emotional component. Commitment is the logical component and you can grow in all. I love it. So good.

What do you got for store? Okay, so I made a roasted cauliflower. That turned out so good. You had it today? Yeah, actually. And you? It was good. Did you like it? Oh, I loved it. Are you kidding? It was so good. It's incredible, especially the little sauce you made. Yeah, it's such a pretty, um, I guess it would be a side dish.

It could easily be like if you're having some girls over for like a lunch or something. It would be like the perfect little appetizer because Yeah, it looks cool. It looks really pretty and all. So basically what you do is you take an entire cauliflower. I had two kind of smaller. Cauliflowers, um, cuz that was all they had at the store where they were kind of on the smaller side.

So I got two of them. And you basically just boil. Um, the head of the cauliflower, you kind of break off the green and then you, you just boil it for like nine minutes and then you put it on a sheet pan with olive oil and a bunch of salt like I did. Um, some coarse salt and just some sea salt on top of that.

Kind of a good bit of olive oil and salt. Yeah. And then you just put, pop it in the oven at 400 for um, like 45 minutes. Then it, it roasts and it looks beautiful. It's like browned on top. Then you take it out. And then I made this, um, tahini yogurt dressing and I'll share it with you guys. And so then I put that at the bottom of a plate, and then I put them, I got this idea off of another, a girl, but it's, it was totally different.

She did it with totally different flavors and I just, it looked way too much work. The way she did it. So I just simplified it and kind of made my own own recipe up, but it turned out so good. Like the, the, um, cauliflower was I. Amazing. Yeah. Like it tasted really buttery. Yeah. Like it did. It was, had no butter in it at all.

It was just olive oil, but it was just like falling apart. And then you, I, I put it on that, um, tahini yogurt dressing, which is basically just tah, um, tahini and Is that how you say it? I don't even know. Tahini. Yeah, that's what I say. Tahini, uhhuh. And then Greek yogurt, garlic, and lemon and salt. That's it.

It was so good and it, and then I just like sprinkled some parsley. If I had fresh parsley, I think that would've been even prettier, but I didn't. I just put some, a little bit of green parsley. Oh my gosh. It was so good. I'm definitely gonna make it. Yeah. Again, it would be like a really fun appetizer to bring like for a girl night too.

There you go. So anyways. Maybe not guy night, but girly. I don't know. I feel like it's more of a girly, it was kind of more of a girly side dish. Um, I loved it though cuz the garlic lemon sauce at the bottom. Oh my gosh. Yeah, that is, it's just so bigoted that you would say girl night. How do you know? You even know what a girl is tor.

Okay. Geez. You hate her bigot. We're not going there. No. Come on. That's always fun to talk about. Maybe we'll talk about that one night. Maybe, maybe not. But anyways, I'll share that with you guys. It was so good and it was so easy. Like it was the easiest thing to throw together. Yeah. And it was very tasty.

It was really tasty. All right guys, thanks for hanging out with us and keep, keep growing in your romantic love. That's our goal is to help you guys do that. And Tori and I love doing this stuff because getting on and doing a podcast actually helps us in our own relationship. It does. It gets us focusing on what we need to be focusing on.

Tori's got some things to work on. That's why we always say like, it's if every, if you can get to a point where you're, you're having couples over and allowing them to like, share with you what's going on. That was the biggest, um, shift in our marriage was when we started having couples in our home. Yeah.

Because we're like, we're actually focusing on. Marriage. Yeah. And it forced us to do that, and it really helped us a lot. Listen, everybody needs an upstream and a downstream. Mm-hmm. You need people pouring into you and you need to be pouring into people. Mm-hmm. You know, so it's, it's just a healthy thing.

So find somebody to pour into and listen to until I. Until I found you by Steven Sanchez. Oh yeah. And uh, what you should do though is find a couple that you can pour into. But what you do have 'em, if you don't have like anything to take 'em through or whatever, do our five day marriage challenge with them.

There you go. You know, it's easy. It'd be e really easy for you, and it'll just give you five very simple things that you can do over five weeks. Mm. So there you go. It's easy enough. All right. All right, we'll see you guys. Check you out next week. See ya.