The Science of Relationship

Today we're talking about the recent findings of an 85-year-old study called "The Harvard Study of Adult Development" which shows the #1 characteristics of adults who experience the happiest, most fulfilling lives. As the oldest ongoing study in history, it's discovery on what makes the healthiest and happiest people is mind-blowing. Spoiler alert - it has something to do with relationships! 

Tune in and find out. 

Transcript

Okay, so today we're talking about the science of relationship. Now we did a, uh, we did an eight part series on the neuroscience of relationship and how, um, you know, science has, uh, has shown us now the, the power of our brains and the effect of relationships on our brains. But what Tori and I wanna look at today specifically, Tori, is she's been researching this, this really cool study.

Done by Harvard. Mm-hmm. It's called the Harvard Study of Adult Development, and it's an 85 year old study. It's the longest lasting research project done on the same people group ever. At least it's believed so long as they believe. Yeah. So long as they know. Yeah, and, and it basically has looked at a people group over 85 years to find out one simple thing, what makes them healthy.

And so they observe. They observe their health, their longevity, like everything, everything is on the table. Mm-hmm. From what they're eating to their exercise routine, to everything, you know, their meditation, their religious affiliation, all of it. And, uh, over 85 years, they've discovered one thing that has helped more than anything in terms of becoming a healthy adult and having longevity in your life.

And, uh, I'm not gonna tell you what that is yet, because Tori first wants to introduce. A song one that we really love. Okay. We've talked about how much we love Father of the Bride, one and two. Oh yeah. We, there's a debate in our home. Which one's the better one? Um, I'm, I'm team father of Bride one. Yeah.

What are you, I think you gotta stick with one. I think so too. Lundy's team two. It's one of the rare movies though, that where the sequel is, is actually good at the beginning. It's like Home Alone, one and two. Mm-hmm. Both of those are pretty good. And so this song comes from Father The Ride Two, and it's a song by Steve Tyrell.

Give Me The Simple Life. I think it goes along really well with what we're talking about today too. That's perfect.

I never was cut out two step and out. Give me the.

Have you ever eaten pheasant?

Give me The Simple Life. That's a great song I love. That's such a good song. Give me The Simple Life. Because when you think about relationship, if, if you get all complicated and you wrap ambition, you know, into your life, and it's like, I want to conquer the world. Yeah, I want to go out there and. And save the world.

Mm-hmm. I want to do all these great things. Well, chances are you're probably gonna leave your key relationships in the dust. Yeah. But if you do think I'm, I want the simple life. Yeah. If God chooses to use me in some great way in terms of the number of people that are affected by my influence, then great.

But you know what? What I really want is the simple life. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That's the way to think about relationship. Yeah. I totally agree. My dad, Um, he always says keep the main thing, the main thing. That's like something you'll hear him say over and over again. He just did a, a message on it recently, um, at church and it's, it's so true.

And for, for the message that he gave was just all about keeping relationships intact. That that's the most important thing. You've got your relationship with God and your relationship with your family is the most imp important thing, and it's, it's not complicated. It's actually pretty simple, but it, it gets.

It gets tricky sometimes. Right. You know, it's great because, uh, we, we have lunch at Tori's parents' house probably two, two or three Sundays a month. Mm-hmm. So we're always going over there and, and the whole family, all extended family. Everybody's invited. And Tori a couple years ago, found this great plaque that they have up right up right over where their dinner table is, where everybody eats and it says, we were together.

I forget the rest. Yeah, it's so good. That's the song because there's absolute chaos. Sometimes there're, you know, it's, it's not like this perfect right family where everyone just gets along and everything's easy. But we were together. I forget the, I forget the rest. It's just, who cares about the rest?

Yeah, you just, we keep coming back to it. I mean, how many times have you heard the, the, the, the dude who accomplishes something great in business or even in sport or whatever, or let's just take Tom Brady for example, you know, where he, here's a guy who's got a wife and kids and he leaves them to go to the NFL and do the stuff in the nfl.

And he even was caught on camera and with audio where, uh, he was loose and I think to the Cleveland Browns or something. Mm-hmm. And he's like, I didn't give up my wife and kids so we could lose to the effing Cleveland Browns. Wow. And it's like, wow, you've got to be kidding me. That's a dude who has totally lost his, his rocker, man.

He is off his rocker. And, uh, but you, you elevate relationships. Mm-hmm. And then you'll have fulfillment like Tom Brady. There's no way he can experience true and total fulfillment in his life. Yep. Without. Core relationships that are intact and healthy. Yeah, it's so true. So I stumbled upon, upon this study and it's just completely fascinated me.

Yeah. Um, it's a, it's called the Harvard Study of Adult Development. It's a research project that started in 1938 and it's ongoing. Wow. 1938. 1938. And it's still open. Yep. So they are on the, the third, or I think it's the fourth and fifth. President of this study. Wow. Or director rather. And it started with 724 men.

Yeah. Um, from half of them were from, or 19 year old boys from Harvard. And then the other half were, um, 12 and up. Okay. Boys from, um, from Boston. From all different, yeah. Different walks of life. Okay. And they followed these boys in their spouses and their children. Yeah. So now it's grown. To a huge number of people, um, for the past 85 years, and they're just trying to figure out what makes 'em healthy, what makes 'em live long.

Yeah. They're just watching them, asking them questions and seeing who lives the longest, seeing who's the healthiest, who are the happiest. This is so interesting. So after studying this people group for over 85 years, um, they're going over all the notes and kind of what they're, they're coming to the conclusion of Yeah.

Is that they believe that relationships are at the top tier of health and longevity above food and exercise. Wow. That's great. So as they study the these people group, It's their relationships and the health of their relationships that is giving them life. Yeah. So this is longer life, longer longevity.

This is the study of adult development, talking about what makes people healthy and allows you to live the longest. And they're coming up with, and they came up with a conclusion and, and it's still open, it's still ongoing. Mm-hmm. Over 85 years that at the top tier, the one thing that's at the top is healthy relationships.

Mm-hmm. That makes you a healthy person. Yeah. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, like all of it. If your relationships are intact, obviously you can still struggle physically in some other areas. Mm-hmm. But if your relationships are fully intact and there's that bilateral communication where you feel loved and you're giving love, that is the number one key.

Yeah, exactly. I love that. So interesting. And what they are finding is that, um, That loneliness increases our risk of death in, in comparable ways as smoking and obesity. Wow. Let think about that. Wow. In loneliness increases our risk of death in, in comparable ways to smoking and obesity. Wow. And I just think that's so eyeopening to so many people.

You know, you, you, when you can actually see that there is that direct effect of loneliness mm-hmm. Um, in. The UK now there's this ministry of loneliness that they've, they've taken up and they're, that's crazy. They're starting to really, because they're be beginning to see like, wow, the, the, the risks are really, really high.

Mm-hmm. And we need to do something about it. And, um, and so there's actually like proactive ministries out there to help people who are struggling with loneliness because they're, they're recognizing. How much it's affecting their health. And um, that's crazy that it's actu that it's an actual governmental agency.

Yes. Yeah, exactly. In England, just like there was this huge push to, you know, for smoking back in, what was it, the seventies? Oh yeah, yeah. You know, there's this huge pu push for loneliness. Mm-hmm. And what's crazy is that's amidst more connection than we've ever had in terms of technology. Yeah. But so, and, and what we're seeing with social, uh, social media and online interaction is there's way more interaction.

But less connection. Right. So you feel as though you're connected, but you're not, yeah. You're just interacting with people, but you're not really connecting with people. Yes. And you just can't connect with people on through social media in terms of having a deep emotional connection. It's got to be.

You've got to be physically present. Yeah, exactly. And they, they are making that tie that there really is, um, an issue with social media that people are looking online to feel connected and they're not finding it. Yeah. It's not working. And, um, which only exacerbates the loneliness because if you're already lonely and then you go to a place that says, Hey, essentially, you know, in social media, you won't be lonely anymore.

Right. If you come here and join this group or whatever. And then your expectation is high. Yes. But disappointment is the gap between expectation and reality. Yeah. So you go on to social media thinking that you're, you're, you're connecting with people when in reality you're going the opposite direction.

Yeah. And you've got this growing disappointment. Because of the expectation and it just makes it even worse. Exactly. Um, one of the quotes they, they mentioned was, you can't compare someone's outside with your insides. Mm-hmm. And so there's just this huge level of comparison happening that you're looking online and you, it, you can't help but compare, oh, I'm, I, I haven't done anything special with my spouse this week.

Or Yeah. Or in another relationship, you know, with. With people's kids and you're like, oh my goodness. We don't have that type of relationship. But you're comparing something outward with something inward. That's right. And you can never do that. Yeah. It's not fair. It's not a fair comparison. It's, it's so true because when you're looking at social media, I mean, how many of us have been in the middle of a hard work day and you happen to take a break and jump on social media and see something, and then your buddy, or your friend is, you know, in Greece or.

You know, uh, somewhere in Italy having the time of their life, and then you're like, ah, crap. Like, geez, I wish I were there. Well, you didn't, you wouldn't have had that feeling had you not gone on social media at that point, you know? Yeah, exactly. And, and who knows, you know, all the work that they had to do to get to that point, and, and you'll have your time, but that, it's that subconscious comparison.

Yeah. It's just wrecking people. Yeah. When they get on social media and it's, it's destroying relationships. Yeah. Another point that they brought up, and I thought it was a really good one, is that you need to be mindful that you're actively connecting and not passively consuming. Mm-hmm. So if you're online and you're just passively consuming information and consuming what everybody's doing, but you're not actively connecting, then yeah, you probably shouldn't be online.

Huh. That makes sense. Yeah. And I remember Allie did a, a research project on this in school last year, and she's, and she was talking about how important it is if you're gonna be on, then connect with people, actually respond and let them respond to you. Otherwise just don't be online. Yeah. Like otherwise just have real connection with people in real time.

Right. Yeah. But if you're online and you're not going back and forth and, and having a connection, then, then that's not. That's not helpful to you. Right. Yeah. And that's a good point because there is a, there is a level of connection that you can have mm-hmm. Online, of course, it's not the deepest connection, but you can, you know, and, and it's really good.

And what I love about social media is that it's, um, it's, it's open for, it's opened up dialogue mm-hmm. Where people can have conversations. Now, unfortunately, you know, you get the thought mafia out there that's getting rid of people who represent, you know, biblical values, but still to be able to reach out to somebody and, and have a conversation.

Right. You know, that can ultimately lead to some deeper connection. That's good. Yeah. So it's just good to be mindful to not be an active consumer. Yeah. That's good. Now, what's the, what's the, you had mentioned something earlier about, um, that there were two things that they said that you needed when it came to relationship, the healthiest relationships.

Well, they bring, they, they talk about a man in the book. Oh, actually there, there is a book that is out. I've not read the book. Yeah. I've just been doing research on it online and, um, listened to some podcasts. But, um, what's the book called? Do you know? I do. Well, you do. Okay. We'll get back to you on the book title.

Okay. A good li um, the Good Life, how to Live It Now. I don't even know that I would recommend Yeah. Reading the book cause I haven't read it yet. But it's the, the. The book is written by these two, um, professors from Harvard that are now, um, the directors of that study. They're yeah, the fourth and fifth directors, you know?

Mm-hmm. And, um, they wrote a book together about what they found. Um, but, so it's called The Good Life now, um, how to Live It. Lessons from the longest, uh, from the world's longest study. Um, but I haven't read the book, but I've just been doing research and, and kind of what Yeah. The main points of what are they're extracting from, from this study.

And, um, so one of the guys that they, that they, this kind of an honorable mention in, in this study is Leo DeMarco. Okay. And apparently out of everyone, they, everyone has decided that he's the, the healthiest, most happy person, okay. In this study. And I wonder how old he is. Yeah, I don't know even know if he's still alive, but, um, just sounds like, you know, really remarkable man and very healthy.

And so they kind of were, were getting to what, what is it about Leo DeMarco that made him, and they talked to a lot of the people that were closest to him. Okay. And everyone agreed that he had this really unique ability to be. Interested and attentive. Yeah. In his relationship. Wow. So he had really strong, it wasn't, you know, it wasn't so much of what he ate and how he exercised.

It was very much tied to his relationships, that he had really strong relationships. People really felt connected to him. He felt really connected to people. And what made him feel connected were those two qualities and those two qualities. Stood out or that he was very interested and attentive in his relationships.

Well, isn't that interesting? Yes. I think that we, I think we did a podcast on this at some point about curiosity as connection, that if you really want to connect with somebody, then you gotta be curious about them. I mean, how many times have you had a conversation with someone and you, you, uh, asked all the questions and they answered all of your questions.

Mm-hmm. But then they didn't return that and ask you anything right about yourself. Right? Yeah. Well, is there any connection there? No, but the people that you truly appreciate those two qualities and I, I think about implying that in marriage. Mm-hmm. Attentiveness and what was the other one? Uh, uh, interest being interested and attentive cur curiosity.

Like it goes a long way in relationships. It really does. Actually. We were with a couple last night. Yeah. And Jason and Shannon RayBan. Mm-hmm. And I've, we've known these people for 20 years and they were with us in our living room. And just last night, uh, they, they left and when they were done, I was talking with Tori and I was like, they're such amazing people.

Mm-hmm. Because all they do is ask questions. Yeah. And then they're answering questions, and then we ask them questions, and then they ask us questions, and then they're interested in what our kids are doing. We're interested in what their kids are doing, and, and they're attentive. Mm-hmm. You know, uh, Jason, you know, he's a, he's an entrepreneur like me, and he's very attentive.

To, to stuff like whenever I'm, you know, uh, uh, in the middle of dinner eating or whatever, he is like, okay, so what, what'd you think about that? Was that good? Okay. How about this? Hey, you need to try this. I think you would like this. Well, he's, that's, mm-hmm. That's called attentiveness. Yeah. Like, he's paying attention.

Yeah. You know, and then the, and then the curiosity, the, the, um, being, uh, I can't believe I keep forgetting the word. Attentive. Attentive and interested. Attentive and interested. Yeah. Yes. Being interested in what we're doing. Mm-hmm. The number of folks that. Don't do that. Mm-hmm. It is alarming that there are that many grown adults who, one aren't attentive.

Mm-hmm. You know, maybe it's because of insecurity. Maybe it's because of a threat. Maybe it's because of their own issues. It could be selflessness, selfishness, or whatever, but then the whole interest piece. Mm-hmm. It's like I'm, I'm here to answer all of your questions about what I'm doing. Mm-hmm. I have no intention on asking you anything.

Mm-hmm. You know, but it's just, I mean, you don't feel connected nearly as connected to those people. You just never will. Right. But think about the people that you feel most connected with. They show so much interest and they're attentive and it's, it's a two-way street. It's back and forth. I wanna know about you, you wanna know about me.

There's curiosity. And that's, you know, and that was, you know, last night with Shannon and, and Jason, both you and Jason have experienced some loss in the last several years. Yeah. You know, you lost your mom. He lost his mom and his dad. And so that conversation came up and it was like you both were asking each other questions about that and what that, what ha that has been like for you Yeah.

And what that's been like for him. And, um, there was just like this genuine interest and your, an instant connection because of that. Yeah. And you know, in marriage, What interest looks like. I mean, you think, well, I don't need to ask my spouse any questions, cuz I mean, I already know everything about my No.

Well listen then move it into the realm of emotions. Yeah. How did you feel? Yeah, I re Yeah, go ahead. Sorry. I mean interrupt. But in the Connection code book, that's something, that's one of the things that they talk a lot about. Is the question, how was that for you? Yeah. How was that for you? What did that feel like for you?

How, you know, whatever, whatever it is. Like, how was that for you? Is a great question. Um, yeah. With your spouse to constantly be asking cuz you're interested on, on how. All the things in life, all the things, all of the, you know, there's so much that we just sometimes skirt over and we don't really get into.

Yeah. That it's just a simple, how was that for you? Yeah. And, and the simple, like coming together at the end of the day, after you're both done with work or whatever, it's like, okay, so how was your day? Mm-hmm. And actually genuinely wanting to hear. And then the spouse who's answering the question genuinely needs to open up and say, okay, so I did this today.

This today. Oh, this thing happened. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I didn't really like that. You know, whatever. Mm-hmm. And you guys just open up. It's not, I'm so tired. My spouse just said, how's your day? And I need to say, oh, it's good. Mm-hmm. And they're leaving it at that. Well then that's ultimately, that's failure of communication.

Yep. And so that's where the curiosity comes in in terms of your relationship is it's move, move, not just into the transaction. Like, what did you do today? Yeah. Although that's important, move beyond it. Well, how did you feel like Tori yesterday? Went with a couple of her girlfriends and they did some facials and, and they did a little bit of shopping at this little boutique place.

And so I asked her, you know, so what'd you get? Mm-hmm. Look at it. Let me see it. You know? Yeah. And how was it? Was it fun? How did that feel when you got a facial? She's like, well, my face felt really greasy. And like, oh, that's disgusting. But like that. And then secondly, it's the attentiveness. Mm-hmm. That, that attentive, you know, the other day.

Um, and I don't always do this, but Tori is obviously, you know, I always tell guys, your wife is your relationship coach. Mm-hmm. And wives, you need to pay attention that when your husband does something good compliment him because that's coaching him. Mm-hmm. So the other day, um, it was actually this, it was yesterday.

Tori was gonna go do facials and all this kind of stuff, but Lundy, our youngest daughter mm-hmm. Wasn't settled like in terms of who she was gonna be with, what she was gonna be doing. Mm-hmm. So I simply had an idea. I was like, I'll run, pick Lundy up and then I'll bring her and a friend back to the house or whatever.

And, uh, so I texted Tori, I said, Hey, I'm gonna do this. And then she texted back, it's okay, uh, Lundy's gonna stay with her friend. It's already worked out. And then about an hour later she texts and says, that was really sweet of you. Mm-hmm. To think of. Settling Lundy like that because that wouldn't relax me.

Mm-hmm. So like, I'm, I appreciate you doing that. Well, what she did was she coached me. Mm-hmm. Like I, it was a subconscious thing that I did. Mm-hmm. And I don't always do that. And I think Tori's like, well, I really liked what you just did. Mm-hmm. That was attentive to my needs because you knew I wouldn't relax without Lundy being situated.

Mm-hmm. So you thinking about Lundy in that moment actually was a good thing. Thank you. Yeah. And then I'm like, Well, how else can I be attentive to get in Lundy taken care of? You know? So I think the attentiveness. And that interest. Mm-hmm. I think those are two of the, the key things that, that they took away from this study in terms of building a strong relationship.

Yeah. That really helps people and keeps you healthy. Yeah. That's so true. And I don't know if you remember, but about a week ago I had mentioned to you, um, that I kind of could use some help with think like, if we're doing something, I, I don't wanna be the only one thinking about. Lundy says, oh, yeah. Oh, that's, I had kind of brought it up and, and so that might have been in your subconscious, you didn't even remember.

But that I was like, you know, like I, if we're gonna be, if, if we have plans, I need you to be aware that we still have a 13 year old daughter. Like I can't be the only one thinking about where she's gonna be. How, you know, like Yeah, because our lives are getting a little bit more free cuz our, we have older kids, but we still have Wendy that Yeah.

I'm like, we got a 13 year old, we're free. There was like four or five days in a row of us having lots and plans. Yeah. And I was like, Kind of stressing. I'm like, no, I don't want, like, I don't wanna have to find another thing for lendy to do. Like she, I, I think that we need to, you know, kind of hone in.

Yeah. Anyways, I said that, and then the next, the next week, oh, you took initiative. I didn't put those two things together. Mm-hmm. Maybe, but thanks for coaching me. But that's just the importance of communication. Like Yeah. Um, you know, sometimes you just, sometimes I'll just forget to even have that conversation with you, and then I have these expectations and these frustrations when it could easily just, Talk about it and talk it through, and then you, you know, then also following up with, thank you so much for doing that.

That's, that was really, really helpful that you were actually helping me think through a plan for Lundy so that I could do this. Yeah. And nine outta 10 times though, whoever's listening to this, all of you guys out there, guys, girls, nine out 10 times, the woman is more relationally intelligent than the man.

Therefore, the woman needs to be actively coaching the man. In ways like what Tori just said, like, okay, bring it up. Hey, our 13 year old daughter, she's not ready to actually be on her own yet, so we can't make all these plans and just leave her out of it. Right. That was how Tori coached me. It wasn't like, okay, so you know, step one is this.

Step two is, it's not like you're trying to teach, but, and then the guy be open to your wife's coaching. So wi wives out there, uh, be assertive. Yep. In coaching your husband. Husbands be open to your wives coaching you. Right. And I promise you it will help you. Yeah. So with this study, what they, what they found is that they're, and one of the things so that as they're watching and, and observing all of these people and how the healthiest, healthiest, whoa.

I got a lisp. It was good. I like that. The healthiest, the healthiest ones were those in strong relationships. Yeah. Um, they began to look at, um, the science behind that. Yeah. And they found that there truly is an inflammatory response and an immune response to relationships. Wow. And how. Um, you know, when there's loneliness in social isolation, it produces higher levels of cortisol, chronic inflammation, which breaks down multiple, um, body systems, like, which affects like, uh, the cardiovascular wow.

Or, uh, or causes cardiovascular disease and arthritis and autoimmune and all these things. They can actually see that it's tied, just like you would see this response with smokers and. In obesity, you're seeing it with people who are just so socially isolated or lonely. Wow. And so that's crazy. Yeah. And so there's, now there's, because of this study, there's so many more studies that are kind of building on it.

Wow. And the, and it's really become. Um, it's really become a thing like we really need to recognize how much relationships play into our health. And it, I mean, that shouldn't be surprising to us at all as believers, as Christians, right. Because we were made for relationship. Mm-hmm. And if our relationships aren't, aren't strong, then everything else is gonna break down.

Yeah. And so this just is one of those studies that is proving that to be true, that there is really something behind relationships and we really need to value, I mean, we really, we value health as a culture, right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Like what were the, the top things that like, I think they did a study of the top things that people value and it's, I think at the top was your health, right?

Yeah. Because you wanna live long and you wanna, um, feel good. Mm-hmm. Well, Now we're recognizing that at the top tier of your health comes relationships even over what you eat and how you, yeah. You take care of your body in a physical way. Wow. That's just strong. I think it's just so important and for us to just, to really take that to heart, to really take that in.

Like I know for you and I. As we've begun to value our relationship more and more and to value it and in such a way that we, we actually think about, you know, think about it in the same terms that we think about what we put into our body. Mm-hmm. And, and you know, our workout routine. But we now kind of look at our relationship a as something of really great value.

Yeah. And that allows us to make decisions. Like going for a walk is not a waste of time together. Going to the grocery store together, it's like you start to think, oh my goodness, this is really healthy for me. This is really good to meet, to connect with the people that I love most. Yeah. It doesn't, I think that so many times, I know at the beginning of our relationship, sometimes those kinds of things could almost feel like a waste of time.

Yeah. But like when you start to, it's not. It's not. And when you start to think of it like, this is really good. This is healthy for me, it, it really does. Change. Yeah. The way that you do life. Yeah. Because you're, because of the value you place on it. Yeah. I love that, man. So this is strong. I'm, I'm really glad you came up with that.

And you, you discovered that, that that study because that, that's, so that's the Harvard study of adult development. Yep. 85 year old study. Yep. The one thing. That's the healthiest for you mm-hmm. Is be good at relationships. Yep. And those two little qualities, and I'm gonna end it with, with this, because I thought this hold, let me, lemme say these two qualities real quick.

Oh, sorry. Otherwise I'll forget 'em. Uh uh, attentiveness and interest. Yes. Those three things. Okay. Now, healthiest for relationship. Um, one of the, the studies that they did is they asked all the female, they always ask them like, at the end of their life, um, what your biggest regret is. Yeah. And for females, the, the greatest, you know, when they kind of compile them together.

For females, the number one thing was they wish they hadn't spent so much time worrying about what people think. Mm-hmm. Which is interesting that it's different for the, for the male, the males was more that they wished that they had spent more time with the people that they loved. Ah. And so that's just some, I thought that was interesting.

And I, I think for women that is more of a, uh, an issue of worrying about what people think. Mm-hmm. Totally. So that was interesting. I love that. Well, that's awesome. Do you have a, uh, recipe for us? Are we doing a recipe today? Yeah, you know what, I'm not gonna do a recipe today just cuz I didn't have time to I get it.

One together, but yeah. Oh, we're gonna be, uh, working on one this week for sure. Mulligan actually, me, me and Allie have an a good idea of, um, and we'll try it. We'll let you know what we think and maybe share that one next week. Oh. Oh, this is good. Thank you. That was, see, I didn't know any of this stuff that Tori was gonna share, so thanks for teaching me on the Science of Relationship tour.

I thought this one was pretty fascinating. Oh, that is fascinating. Keep researching that stuff cuz to me this is the most interesting stuff of, of marriage. So when Tori and I, you know, we obviously don't position ourselves as experts in, in marriage at all. Uh, we've just made a lot of mistakes and don't want you to make the same ones.

But we, we like to study stuff that helps people. Get along better. And so when we discover something good, we'll bring it to you as easy as that. All right, see you guys next week. See? See ya.