Beauty in Battle Podcast

Overcoming Negative Thinking

April 25, 2023 Episode 65
Overcoming Negative Thinking
Beauty in Battle Podcast
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Beauty in Battle Podcast
Overcoming Negative Thinking
Apr 25, 2023 Episode 65

How you think determines what you say and how you act. Ultimately, how you think determines how you love. Nothing could be more important in your marriage than cleaning up your thoughts.

In today's episode, we're going to dive into nine different negative thinking patterns that sabotage relationships, along with five keys that will set you free in your mind and bond you to your spouse.

Based on Dr. Amen's best-selling book, "You Happier," this episode will dive deep into the most important component of your marriage - how you "think" about your spouse and relationship.

And if you haven't taken our free 5-day marriage challenge, you can join us HERE

Show Notes Transcript

How you think determines what you say and how you act. Ultimately, how you think determines how you love. Nothing could be more important in your marriage than cleaning up your thoughts.

In today's episode, we're going to dive into nine different negative thinking patterns that sabotage relationships, along with five keys that will set you free in your mind and bond you to your spouse.

Based on Dr. Amen's best-selling book, "You Happier," this episode will dive deep into the most important component of your marriage - how you "think" about your spouse and relationship.

And if you haven't taken our free 5-day marriage challenge, you can join us HERE

So welcome back. We are in our seventh podcast talking about the neuroscience of connection based on the book by Dr. Amen called You Happier. And answering the question, am I reinforcing the behaviors I like or dislike in my spouse? And it's all based on the acronym relating responsibility, empathy, listening, assertiveness time, inquiry, noticing, and grace.

Last week we talked about time. I like that one. That was a good one. That was really good. Mm-hmm. And then this week we're talking about inquiry. Specifically when, and, and I like the way that he puts it, but with inquiry, he's talking about questioning your thoughts and killing the negative ones like so important.

Your thoughts don't just have to be something that you put up with. Mm-hmm. You can question. The bad ones. Exactly. Put 'em to death. Yep. And this just reminds me of something that Joyce Meyer says in her book, battlefield the Mind. Think about what you're thinking about. Yeah. That's what inquiry is. Uhhuh.

And I remember just a couple years into marriage, I read that book and it changed my life because I had never been aware of what I was thinking about. And as I began to think about what I was thinking about, then I was able to manage my thoughts. Yeah, that, that's the first time I ever realized that Tori could think like a guy.

Oh, as if guys think perfectly well, man. No. But even you have admitted that sometimes being able to compartmentalize your thoughts and not get all bent outta shape over certain things that you really shouldn't. Is, is a, is a, a superpower. It is. But yet at the same time, Uh, for a guy to be able to recognize that thoughts and feelings are should, are all connected and you have to connect those things to connect those dots.

And can I say connected again? Connect, connect, connect, connect, connect. Connect. Four. Um, that's a superpower too for a guy to be able to do it. Mm-hmm. So there's balance and everything always said, you know, the woman needs to try to think more like a man and a man needs to try to think more like a woman.

So we're gonna learn some things today that are really gonna help you. We learned them from Dr. Amen. And I just really like this cuz I, Tori and I have talked a lot about thoughts. We cover it in our book. We have the biblical foundation for thinking and taking thoughts captive and all of that. But I like the perspective that he gives.

So specifically we're gonna cover the nine types of negative thoughts that we have, how to get rid of those thoughts. And then in marriage, we're gonna give you five keys on how to change negative thinking towards your spouse. Okay? So that's what we're gonna do and we're gonna end with our, with I say our, our recipe.

Eat the recipe. Yeah. Today's gonna be a tip, A very simple tip that is life-changing, life changing tip for food. But before we do, okay, so here's our new favorite song. Okay? It's called Favorite song by a dude named, it is so catchy. Catchy. Our, what was it, Lundy or Ally that played it for us first? I don't know, but we, we are stuck on it.

I, I love this. And, and you know, he's got, I think he's a rapper or something, but he's got that voice, like that rapper voice that typically I, it grates my every nerve. But this song is really cool. You guys should listen to it. I'm gonna play you a little bit. Ready? Here we go. I'm right now. Your favorite song.

You look good. No. No lashes. Even better. When you wake up, uh, I see the look on your face. I see a hot in the head. I see the looking for someone to scoop you right off your feet. You wanna ride in the reef, you wanna go out on dates. You want somebody to come bring your flowers, someone that talks you for hours, watch your back.

Why sit in the shower or someone to tell Beautiful, someone to tell meaning. That was pretty abrupt. Stop. It was, but I had to stop it because once it said somebody to wash your back in the shower, I'm like, how long they been married? You've been married for a while. Your wife's not gonna let you wash her back in the shower.

It's so funny. Yeah. Such a great song. I love it. Um, it's such a 2020 song talking about, um, even with Nova Lashes. Oh yeah. Lashes became so big like 2020. Lashes are a thing. He's saying, I even like you with no lashes. Yeah. So that's, um, favorite song by Tusi. I can't, I, you know what's funny is that song was so good, but whenever I looked it up, I saw all of his other songs and it had the e for explicit next to all of them.

Ooh. Oh. So I'm like, okay, whatever. I'll just listen to this one. Okay. So let's, let's jump into inquiry. Talking about questioning your thoughts and killing the negative ones. Um, our brains naturally gravitate toward negativity. Now they're wired for love as, um, what's, what's her name? Caroline Leaf.

Caroline Leaf says they're wired for love, which means they run on love. It's like your car is created to run on gas. Right. For most of 'em, I mean, maybe a battery, but gas. So if you put anything else inside of it other than gas, it's gonna hurt it. Mm-hmm. So your, your brain, it's wired for love. But it will naturally gravitate toward negativity.

It's like if you cut an apple and you leave it open like that, what's gonna happen? It's gonna get brown. Right? What is that? That's free radicals in the air. Mm-hmm. So an apple needs that sh that shell, that outer skin. Yeah. So our brains need that same type of protective layer as it relates to negativity coming and seeping into our brains to change our lives and change our relationships.

So it's our responsibility. To stop believing every thought that we have. And to direct our minds to what's good. When you're talking about the apple, it just reminded me of an experiment we did years ago in homeschooling. Oh yeah. With the apple. Do you remember this? Yes, I do. Somebody told us that if you speak to an apple, like we, you know, we're wired.

For positivity and for love, and that even anything that's alive, you can see it. And um, so a friend of mine said it's the craziest thing if you leave an apple out and, or a plant or something alive and you speak to it positive positively every day and speak life to it. It will stay alive and it'll stay fresh.

But if you speak death over and you speak hateful words over it, you'll, it will die much quicker. Yeah. And they're like, so take like an apple in one room and speak life over it and take an apple in another room and speak death overactivity. And then you cut into it and you see what has happened to the inside of the apple.

What is that like after 30 days or something? I, I can't remember. This was like how long we did it 10 years ago. And it was the funniest thing. We had the apple in. In the kitchen, the the one we're supposed to speak negative to. Yes. And it was. Lundy every day she would come in, she'd be like, I hate you. No, I think we were walking out of the house one day to like go to church.

And then she's like, oh wait, I forgot I'll be right back. And I watched her go in there and she goes right up to the apple and goes Shut off. And we're like, okay. This, our whole, like the, where our whole kitchen is, is constantly filled with hateful thoughts. We can't do this anymore. We literally had to shut it down cause it was like, So abrupt and ridiculous.

Yeah. And we're like, okay guys, this chill out. Like I remember cutting into the apple though, um, and I think we did it like after two weeks and it didn't really look a lot different than the other one. Maybe a little bit different, but maybe if we'd have done it for 30 days or so. But to be honest, I remember thinking.

Like, we had the, the other apple in another room, and I remember constantly like sh like shushing the kids because there was so much negativity. I'm like, you guys remember we were trying to keep this? Remember the apple, this thing alive? Yes, that is true. Okay, so let's, let's talk about negative thoughts because when, uh, it comes to negative thinking, your relationship with your spouse is determined by the thoughts you think about your spouse and the thoughts you think about your relationship.

Mm-hmm. So if you can clean up your thinking, You're going to clean up your relationship. Your relationship will be as only as healthy as the way that you think about it and the way that you think about your spouse, including the way that you think about yourself. So what I love about this take that Dr.

Amen has is he gives us some real practical things, and one of the things that he did, Was he gives us nine types of negative thoughts, but he calls them ants. Mm-hmm. Like a n t s. Yep. What is an ant? Tori? It's an automatic negative thought. Yeah. And so he, he talks a lot about how it's our job to kill the ants.

Yeah, you go every day. You have to be intentional about killing the ants, and he calls 'em automatic. Mm-hmm. Because negativity will automatically be the default if you're not proactive about keeping yourself positive and keeping your thinking positive. And then he gives nine different types of ants, which are nine different types of negative thoughts and certain bets that people have.

So all of us struggle with these, these nine different. Types of negative thoughts at some point or another, but we all have one or two that we typically lean toward more than another. So as I'm reading through these, and I'll explain 'em, and I got these from Dr. Amen again, which I love because it's all research based.

Um, find yourself in here. I've, I've found myself in a few of these, but I've also found some of my buddies. I'm like, oh yeah. Oh, this is oh, oh, oh. There's Allie. Oh. Oh, okay. I can see Trey struggling with that one. So it's kind of fun. It's like the Enneagram. Interesting. Okay, so the first type of ant, which is the automatic negative thought, is the all or nothing.

Hmm. Um, these are the people that use always and Never Thoughts. And it's, it's, um, when they, when they air to one side or the other, typically it's either they're all up or all down. Like they're right. They're like in the best mood of all and everything is awesome, or they're in the worst mood of all. Hmm.

And nothing is gonna work out. Nothing's good. Um, but there's no balance in between. Mm-hmm. So that's an all or nothing ant Wow. He would say, if that ever happens to you and you wanna say always or never, you have to stop it. Wow. In its track. So that's the first one that you have to be conscious of.

That's the all or nothing. All right. Number two, the less than ant. So that's the negative thought, the less than. It's where you continuously compare yourself to others and you fall short every time. Wow. This is the teenage girl on social media. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And just look at the number of depression cases that, and suicide attempts.

Mm-hmm. And suicide cases for young teenage girls on social media. Because it's just a constant comparison fest. Yep. It's like you're sitting there doing your homework, you're just doing your best. And then you go on Instagram and you look and there's a girl your age at the beach in California having the greatest time of her life and you're like, well, I'm a loser.

Right. Well, that girl has to do homework too. Mm-hmm. Maybe she had the day off or something. I don't know. But so it's the less, they're comparing the highlight of their life with, you know, the worst part of your day. Yeah. So it's the less than, that's that comparison. So, He says these because you're supposed to recognize these and then we're gonna give you his five questions that you asked to make sure that these ants don't come in and take over.

Mm-hmm. Just like ants, you know, in a kitchen. They will literally take over if you don't get rid of 'em. Yeah. And the interesting thing is that comparison will always lead to you either comparing up or down. Either you're gonna be prideful or you're going to feel like you're less than en envious. Mm-hmm.

Yep. So that's the less than an, okay. Here's, here's another one, just the bad. Negative thoughts. Okay. So just the bad, they go out their way to see the bad in every situation. Hmm. Like, um, EOR on Winnie the Poo. Yeah. You know, wow. What a great day it is today. And then EOR goes, it's probably gonna rain, you know?

Mm-hmm. Like, they, they have to go out of their way to see the bad. Right. You know, Tori and I know some people like this. Um, you're not supposed to say that. Oh, I'm not. Mm-hmm. Well, they're not because now, now you're comparing. Am I? Thank you, Toor. That was a great, I, I like 'em. Okay, well let's go to the next one.

There's the guilt beating ants. So guilt beating, they're wired for should, must, ought, or have to. They have excessive guilt for not measuring up, and they're constantly thinking about their past, present, and future and how they've, they've got regret or there's just some type, they're motivated. Motivated by guilt.

Wow. That's the. Guilt beating ants. So he, Dr. Amen's, saying that's a, that's a negative thought bent that you don't want. Okay, here's the labeling ants. When you call yourself a loser or you label your kids or friends, or you label anybody, including yourself, anything negative, it can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Yeah. So it's this, this is where the whole racist thing comes in. To play where you see, um, if somebody thinks that you're racist mm-hmm. When you're really not, but they think you're racist, they're gonna find something mm-hmm. That you've said or that, or in a way that you've looked at 'em, you might have been surprised that they showed up to something and you looked at 'em and like, see they're racist.

See how they're looking at me like that. I can totally see that whole labeling thing being a big issue, but in marriage, the same can happen. Yeah. You know, we, we talk about that unchecked criticism leads to contempt where the critical thoughts in your mind towards your spouse, it's like he's always late.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well the, you've got the all or nothing aunt, but you've also got the labeling ant, like he's such a blank. Mm-hmm. Or whatever. And those labels can easily become a self-fulfilling pro prophecy because it touches on identity. Mm-hmm. Especially when you're labeling yourself. Right? I'm not, I am this, you talked a lot about that, about how God says I He is.

I am. That's his name. And so anytime that you follow up with I am you, you need to be really, really careful. Yeah. Because you're using the name of God. Anything that follows, I am carries power. Mm. Don't give negativity power because I am is Yahweh. Mm. It's God's name. So anyway. Alright. Now here is the fortune telling ants, they predict the worst in any situation.

Like they see, you know, they see a little discoloration on their shoulder or whatever, and it's like, oh my gosh, I got melanoma. Like I can't, like, it's gonna be the worst, you know. Is just assuming the worst of Yeah. Predicting. It is funny because our son, Jake, can kind of have this, um, thinking process and if he twists his ankle, he's like, I think I snapped it in half.

I think it's, I'm like, well, you know, it's, it's not even really swollen. We ha we have to go get an x-ray. We have to, Tori and I. Yeah. It's like one of those things he has to be really aware of. He is like, oh, you know what? I think it's, yeah. I think, I think I need to get an X-ray. Yeah. And we're like, Jake, remember last time.

We spent $2,000 at urgent care and it, it wasn't, he's like, okay, I'm fine. I'm good. I'm good. I just for them to tell us you had a bruise. But, but if he's convinced mm-hmm. Then we gotta, A lot of time, this comes from past traumas, from different things in our, you know, in our childhood that triggers these f deep fears that we have to overcome.

Yeah. So here, here's another, uh, one of the ants, automatic negative thoughts. Um, mind reading. This is when they think this person can see into someone's mind and know exactly what that other person is thinking about them. And it's always bad. Hmm. Isn't that crazy? I can do that sometimes. Like I know what you're thinking.

Mm-hmm. I know what you're thinking. It's really bad. Yeah. You know, I mean, everybody said that all of us have trauma from when we were, you know, 14 to 17 when we had zits. Mm-hmm. And you go to school and you're like sitting there talking to somebody. And they're looking at you and you're like, stop a Z looking at my zit.

Okay, just quit. They're like, what? You got what? Yeah. It's like, oh, okay. So you weren't looking at my zit? Mm-hmm. Okay. I get it. I think everybody's got teenage trauma from that. That's the, uh, mindreading answer. Okay. Uh, two more if only, and I'll be happier. So if only, and I'll be happier. Mm-hmm. Uh, these are the people that use if only as an excuse or why they don't have the life that they want.

Um, they think they'd be happier if they had something in the future that they don't have now. Mm-hmm. So these people are for sure people that can ultimately become victims. But that's where we come to the last one. These are blame ants. These, these, these are, these are negative thoughts where you just refuse to take responsibility and you blame everybody else, uh, for the issues that you have in your life.

And this is what the victim mentality looks like. Mm-hmm. And when you have, when you give into these types of negative thoughts, It makes you powerless to change your behavior. Yeah, a hundred percent. Mm-hmm. The only way that you can change your behavior or you can change your relationship for the better, is you have to take responsibility for your part.

Right? If you don't take responsibility for your part, you can never move forward. Mm. It stops right there. It's like you're running to, to run a race, you have to have both legs, um, in a relationship. Both legs moving is both partners taking responsibility, but the minute one of 'em refuses to take responsibility, he's like, no, all our problems are on you.

Right? Then one of your legs has stopped running and it's like the other leg is having to drag, you know, is having to drag the other. So that's, that's the blame. Now those are the nine types of automatic negative thoughts, but then he gives us five questions to ask ourselves so that we can get rid of those thoughts.

Okay, these five questions. Um, number one, is it true. That's the first one. So is it true? So when that negative thought comes in, whatever that negative thought is, Hmm. You know, to Tory doesn't, I don't know. You don't like something about me? I don't know what it could be. First question is, is it true? Um, the second question is, is it true with absolute certainty?

Hmm. Because typically people will say, yeah, it's true. I wouldn't be thinking of, it wasn't true. But now think with absolute certainty, is it true? And I'm gonna give you an example here in a second. Um, the third question is, how do I feel when I believe this thought? So whatever that thought is, how am I feeling as a result of this thought?

Um, number four, how would I feel if I didn't have this thought? So that's a good one cuz it kind of gets you now spinning the right direction. And number five is the opposite of this. True? Hmm. That's the fifth question. So if you are one of those people that's like taking notes right now, lemme give 'em to you again.

Is it true? Question two, is it true without absolute certainty. Question three, how do I feel when I believe this thought? Number four. How, how, uh, how would I feel if I didn't have this thought? And then number five is, is the opposite of this thought. True? So what this looks like is, okay with our kids, this is a good one for your kids.

Kid comes in, nobody likes me. Okay, well, is that true? And they'll say yes. Is that absolutely true? Mm-hmm. You sure nobody likes you? Well, I guess maybe my mom likes me. Mm-hmm. Right? And then that third question, well, how do I feel when I believe this thought? Well, how do I feel when I think about nobody liking me?

I feel sad, afraid? Mm-hmm. That maybe I won't have a lifelong friend, whatever the emotions might be, right? Question four says, well, how would I feel if I didn't have this thought? Well, I'd feel happier if I didn't think that nobody liked me. Um, I'd be more open to meeting new people. Which would probably make me more confident mm-hmm.

To meet new people. Yeah. You know, and be more likable. Right. And then that fifth question is, is the opposite of this thought true? Well, what's the opposite? The opposite of nobody likes me is, well, I do have some people that like me, sometimes I get invited to parties. Uh, this girl at church asked if I could join their Bible study.

Uh, you know, they're like that. Mm-hmm. It's like now all of a sudden you're getting yourself out of this crazy pattern. Right. Of thinking. But that's the individual way to handle ants. Automatic negative thoughts. That's really good. There is a way to do it relationally in marriage. And again, these come from Dr.

Amen. And I, and I like this cuz you can hear me and Tori talk all the time, but I, I love figuring out, and I'm glad Tori is the one reading this book that, um, when you've got research back stuff. Tori and I are bringing you stuff that's actually, it's, it's helping us and it's gonna help you. So in marriage, when it comes to negative thinking about your spouse, he gives us five steps.

Um, here's step number one. I don't know that I've ever done this, but sounds like it would be a good one. Write down your negative thought. Whatever that negative thought is, write it down. Okay, this is thinking about what you're thinking about. There's so many negative thoughts just running rampant in our mind and that we might not even be aware that we're thinking at all.

Yeah. Until you write it down and you're like, dang, that, that's just running around over on repeat in my mind. Yeah, that is so true. And that's the value of journaling, you know, so write down, um, what your negative thought is, number two. Ask yourself if it's true. So you can see he's going back to these, these questions.

Not all of them are the exact same. But now ask yourself, is it, is it really true? So what that, what, what is that negative thought that you have? Um, your husband comes home late from work and he was late for dinner, and the negative thought was, he doesn't really care about me and the kids, because if he did, then he would be home on time.

So write that down. Uh, ask yourself, is it really true that your husband doesn't care about you? Like just you sit in that, because what I think you'll start to say, um, is no, I, I think he really does care because he is coming home. Mm-hmm. You know, like he is providing for us. Mm-hmm. Okay. And, and so here's, uh, here's the third key right here.

Ask your spouse what they meant by what they said or did. So this, these five things are when negative thinking is a result of something your spouse said or did. Okay, so number three is you ask your spouse what they meant by what they said or did. Right. Which is really important. Mm-hmm. It's like, okay, so you just said this.

What, what did you mean by that? Mm-hmm. Like, okay, so I might be reading into it a little deeper than I said. What did you mean by that? Okay. You just did this, you know, I reached out to grab your hand. Mm-hmm. And you pulled away. Yeah. What, what did that mean? You know, where you're actually getting to the bottom of what it means.

Right. And then let me get through these next two questions and then, um, to, I think you got an example. Number four. Um, let your spouse know how you initially took what they said or did. Mm-hmm. So you're asking 'em first, what did you mean by that? And they're like, well, I mean, your hands are kind of sweaty, so that's why I pulled my hand away, you know?

Right. It's like it's just a sheer matter of your hands feel hot. Yeah. And I want my hands to be hot. Mm-hmm. Like, oh, okay. Cuz when you pulled away, honestly, I thought like maybe I had done something. You know, it's like you gotta let 'em know how you initially took what they did, right? Because what that does is that coaches your spouse, you know, and if you talk about this openly enough, and it's hard for a guy, To say something like that, like, I thought I had done something and you were, it felt like rejection to me, honestly.

Mm-hmm. That's hard for a dude to say something like that, but what it does is it coaches your spouse, so your spouse knows the next time my husband reaches over to grab my hand, even if his hand is clammy and dirty, I'm gonna grab it and then I'm gonna go. Hey honey, let's get those hands washed first

and then you go wash your hands too. I think this example applies to no one but you. Oh, you shut your mouth. That's so funny. Okay, and then number five, uh, key when it comes to overcoming negative thinking in your marriage, when your spouse is done or said something, is work together to find a solution to help avoid those mis miscues in the future.

Mm-hmm. So that's when you actually talk about. The issue. Mm-hmm. Like something just happened, you said or did something, and your spouse responded the, an improper way, and, and then you responded to it, and then now all of a sudden you guys have to go through this. It's like now, now negative thinking can take over and it could spin outta control.

Now you have an opportunity to actually work on it. And, uh, and make sure that it doesn't happen again. Mm-hmm. It's funny cuz you and I, I had just, I was reading this particular chapter, um, last week and you came in and you, you know, you're up a couple hours before me. Jason's up at like the crack of dawn and I'm, have a really hard time getting up that early.

Tori would like to stay in bed till the crack of noon. I would, I love not possible. I love to sleep. But anyway, so I think it was, you know, like you had been up since like maybe five and it's like six 30 and I'm barely awake trying to wake up and I'm reading I'd done my devotions and then I was reading some of this book and you had already had that time with the Lord.

You had already time, had some time to, to, you know, process. Process some things, respond to some of your emails, some of the things that like you, you like to get done with early in the morning. And so anyways, you came in. And you started to talk to me, but I was like not ready to talk because I was in the middle of doing my morning routine and you were just like talking and it's like, oh, um, can we talk about this later?

Cause I'm in the middle of actually reading this chapter. Hmm. And you're like, oh, okay. You walked away. Now my natural thing with you is to feel guilty. Yeah. Like, right? Yeah. So my natural thing is as a one, I'm Gram well for me, oh wait, no, no. Yeah, you're a nine. I forgot about that. Is conflict, like was, you know, in subconsciously that was a little confrontational to tell you to shut up.

Yeah. In a really nice way. Yeah. Right. So it was, you know, it was being assertive, like, hey, I don't, I can't talk right now. Yeah. So I'm already feeling like a little bit like, Oh, he's probably upset when you totally weren't upset, but that's just, you know. Right. And so then, um, later on we went for a walk and so now we're catching up and we're talking, and this is where your, your oneness came out.

Jason's very much like, just kind of aware of his surroundings and like if something's not zipped up, if something's not in place, he just naturally fixes it. He's a reformer. And so my, my jacket was unzipped a little bit and you turn towards me and you zipped it. And I was like, what are you doing? Like, I was afraid I was gonna zip my chin up.

And I was like, please don't do that. Like I, I, I wanted it unzipped. Yeah. And you're like, oh, well, I'm sorry. I thought you were cold. Yeah. You're like, it just looked, it looked like it was like, in your way. And I, I'm like, well, if, if it was in my way, I would zip it up. Yeah. Okay. Just, and so I was a little irritated and Jason goes, Are, are you upset?

Like, are you having a hard morning? Or like your reaction was like, geez, you know, kind of thing. Not the best. And, and I immediately think, oh my goodness. He's saying that he was upset with me correcting him this morning that I wasn't able to talk. Yeah. So, and I wasn't even drawing that connection. Not, not at all, but I'm now predicting I'm a mind reader.

I know exactly what's happening. He was upset when I said I can't talk and now he's upset. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like I have all, like all this connection in my brain that I. That he's mad. He was mad. He's still mad. You know, it's just craziness and so it, we just, I had just read this chapter and. And I'm like, we just start talking about it.

I'm like, wait, are you? Yeah, were you And I just point blank asked him. Whereas before I would just kind of assume and we just began to talk about it and he's like, oh no, I wasn't that. That has nothing to do with it. Yeah. But there was like this safety in our conversation that was really, really, um, just.

Made me feel really safe cuz it wasn't like this big, like it wasn't a big deal. We were able to talk through it without getting mad. We were both and because we were, we had been, were reading about, um, these ants. I'm like, wow, this, I'm just reading about this. And it's so natural for me to just go to the negative and to think that I have this whole thing figured out.

And this is really no big deal. Yeah. And we just kind of like got, it wasn't a conflict at all because we kind of knew just what was happening and that we, like, I was, um, overthinking and, and it just quickly were able to resolve it because, There was that safety to talk about it without getting offended.

Yeah. And I would say all of that is on the foundation of what we learned from, um, Emerson and Sarah Erz, who wrote, um, oh shoot, what's With Love and Respect, right. That book. And he said, the best thing that you can do is assume your spouse's best intentions. Like mm-hmm. Assume that they have the best intentions for you.

Yeah, exactly. Just assume it. And, uh, and you assumed. That I had the best intentions for you and I remember that. Mm-hmm. I think it was like three weeks ago that it actually happened, but we were walking and it was cold and you sometimes you don't pay attention to your jacket, jacket being zipped up and you've got like a V-neck shirt and I'm like, her chest has gotta be freezing cold.

Cuz mine always is. Mm-hmm. Like I've got mine zipped all the way up to like right below my chin. So I just reached over and I, I, I broke a boundary. You know, you're not supposed to grab someone's jacket, and Zach could've just said, why don't you zip it up? And, uh, and so I tried to zip it up. But then you, when you, you kind of snapped at me Yeah.

A little bit. Mm-hmm. And then I kind of was like, Whoa, you're an angry elf. Or however I said it. Right. That kind of thing. And I start making all these connections. Yeah. But then when you were able to talk through it, you assumed that I had the best interest for you. Mm-hmm. Like you were like, okay, you know, I get it.

You thought my chest was cold. But in all honesty, honey, yours gets cold. Mine doesn't. I was raised in the north. You weren't? I'm a Texas boy. Yeah. So I'm all into, if it's 50 degrees outside, I got a big ski jacket on, like I'm freezing already. Right. Tori, on the other hand, she gets cold, but I guess that neck of yours can take more cold weather than mine can.

I guess so. But it, it is funny how, just like the silliest things, if you, if you're not careful, you can, your mind just can go crazy. Yeah. So, but all of that to say, the Bible's very specific on how it says we take every thought captive. Why would it say that? Because a captive isn't dead. A captive just is locked up and has no longer any control over what's going on.

Hmm. But he may be in that prison cell of your mind barking. Just don't let that negative thought out. So, It's really important and that's how you can change your life and you can change your relationship. There you go. So good. So I wanted to give you guys a tip on making one of our favorite food bacon.

Oh geez. We do a lot of bacon in our house. I know some people don't eat pork. A lot of pork, and we don't eat a lot of pork. The only pork that we eat is really bacon and when making, we do a lot of breakfast. Like breakfast for dinner. Yeah. BLTs dinner is the best. A lot of things that require bacon. And, um, so anyways, I learned this tip, I don't know how long ago, not long ago, but it has been honestly life-changing because I always burn bacon because I'm always making like, uh, uh, other things.

I'm like scrambling eggs and doing toast and doing this and that at the same time. Yeah. And this is just like the most simple way of making bacon. Okay. Okay. You, you take a big sheet pan. You put um, parchment paper at the bottom and you put your, and you put your bacon on top, boom. One, it's gonna be way less mess, right?

Cuz you got the parchment paper and that is true. That's a good point. And you don't have to use tinfoil tin foils. Apparently we, we got our, uh, blood work done. We have like aluminum in our, in our blood. So we're, we're, we're gonna do, we're, we're not doing aluminum anymore guys. We may make it to a hundred podcasts.

We may not. So we love you. We're on parchment paper now, so we think we're gonna be okay. Um, so you, all you do is you turn the oven onto to 400. Like you don't pre-heat, no pre-heating. This is like, not ha you don't have to think ahead. You put your bacon down, you put your, you set your thing for 400, pop it in for 18 to 25 minutes, depending on how crispy you want it.

Now, a lot of times we do like the thick cut bacon, that's gonna be more like 26, 27 minutes. And that's it. You just put your timer on. The minute that you turn the oven on is the same time that you're setting your timer. So it's like you don't have to think about anything. It's so easy. Timer goes off, your bacon's done.

I like this. And I've gotten this like huge sheep pan, which has also saved my life. I don't even know the size, like maybe like 13 by 11. I don't know if that's it, but like the typical one is like a nine by 12, right? Yeah. This is like way bigger. Changed my life, changed everything. Changes everything. I love it.

So if you wanna have an easy way of making bacon, try it out. Let me know what you think. I like it. Well, that was our s if you really want some good bacon. Yeah. Get the thick cut and put some maple syrup on top. Okay. That's it. Hey, you know I said this was our seventh um, podcast on this. It's actually our sixth.

Really? Yeah, cuz we're gonna do an eight. So, okay. Next week we'll get our seventh, which is noticing notice. Notice what you like more than what you do, more than what you don't like. Mm-hmm. Um, and then after that we're talking Grayson forgiveness. So thanks for hanging out with us. If you haven't taken our five day challenge, take it.

Go to beauty and, get the book, get it for somebody. And in the meantime, when in marriage by waging that war. That's it. That's it. We'll see you guys next week. That was a pretty good close compared to my normal. Yeah, you've kind of been lagging. I have been lagging. Hey, go listen to that song.

Favorite song? Favorite song by Tusi. Tusi. Tussy. Tusi Tussy. Peace you guys.