Beauty in Battle Podcast

Spending TIME Together

April 18, 2023 Episode 64
Spending TIME Together
Beauty in Battle Podcast
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Beauty in Battle Podcast
Spending TIME Together
Apr 18, 2023 Episode 64

Time is not just a way to discover the hour of the day, it's also a way to bond you closely in marriage.  We often thing quality time is the most important. While it's true, it also holds that quantity time is just as vital if you want a thriving relationship.

In today's episode, we're diving into the 5th installment of our series on the Neuroscience of Connection to focus on the value of TIME in marriage. We'll look at six keys to spending quality time together and how we can make sure our "special" time together is maximized to the fullest.


P.S. If you haven't taken our free 5-day marriage challenge, jump in HERE

Show Notes Transcript

Time is not just a way to discover the hour of the day, it's also a way to bond you closely in marriage.  We often thing quality time is the most important. While it's true, it also holds that quantity time is just as vital if you want a thriving relationship.

In today's episode, we're diving into the 5th installment of our series on the Neuroscience of Connection to focus on the value of TIME in marriage. We'll look at six keys to spending quality time together and how we can make sure our "special" time together is maximized to the fullest.


P.S. If you haven't taken our free 5-day marriage challenge, jump in HERE

So we're in our fifth installment of the Neuroscience of Connection based on the book by Dr. Amen. And we are talking today about time and how important quality time is and quantity time. So, uh, real quick, just to recap, we are answering the question, um, in Dr. A Amen's book, am I reinforcing the behaviors I like or dislike in my spouse?

And because of that, he's got this acronym relat. And it stands for responsibility, empathy, listening, assertiveness. We talked about assertiveness last, last week. Time inquiry, noticing and grace. Grace with forgiveness. Mm. And today we are focusing in on the aspect of time, so I'm excited about it. Such an important part of relationship time after time.

You, you know, who sang that song? Who? Madonna. Really Time after. You're definitely an eighties guy. Yeah. Now do you have a song for us? I do. Okay. So I took the kids, uh, the younger kids to the beach this week and you had to go on a trip. And so I was by myself listening to a lot of love songs thinking about you.

And this one, um, I had to, uh, send it to you cause I was like, this is a good one. We're gonna use this on the podcast next week. Oh, heck yeah. So you were actually thinking of me on the beach. No, on the ride home. Oh, okay. Not on the beach. On the ride home. I get it. It's called Slow Dance by AJ Mitchell. Oh, I've heard that.

Slow dance. She was so good. Slow. Let's slow dance. Let's slow dance, can we? But can you slow dance to that song? Yeah, kind of. But just hug. Tori and I have always thrown the best Valentine's parties known a man. We haven't done one in a few years, but we did probably. So fun. How many of those do you think we did?

Six or seven? Probably more than that. Valentine's. And we would always do a dance party mm-hmm. In my living room. And I would, Tori and I would pick out a couple really good slow songs and just let couples dance together. Mm-hmm. And then of course we would break out into whatever, some fun songs. Some fun songs.

Mm-hmm. A little dance action I think we did one year. Um, what was it when everybody was doing. The funny stuff. Oh, well what was the song that we did? We made a video of it. It was really funny. Um, yeah. Oh gosh, I forget what it is. But everybody was doing it like in their offices and stuff, and then they were filming it.

Yes. It wasn't what the, what does the Fox say? Wasn't, was it? No. Wasn't I, I actually was thinking of that same one. I think we just had played it that year. Um, I can't remember the song. Yeah. But it was really fun. Anyway, so we did that at our, at Valentine's Party. Anyway, so we're all about the dance stuff.

So if you ever go to one of our, um, marriage retreats that we. Or marriage seminars. Even when we do it at other churches and stuff, if the church lets us, we do slow dancing on Friday night, you know, to a couple songs. Mm-hmm. Or one song, and it's just, it's just so many couples are like, oh my word. I haven't danced with my spouse since our wedding night.

Like, we hear that over and over and over again, and it's special. Maybe this isn't, this is the start of something new. Yeah. It's special. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So today we're talking about time. Now this is good because when Tori and I first got. You know, I was your typical dude. I got two love languages. Number one is physical touch.

Number two is words of affirmation. Mm-hmm. You know, it's like, let's just do those two things and we are good to go. Quality time was my least. Yeah. That was my number one. Quality time was Tory's number one. Love language. But here's the beauty of God, not just being your father, but also your father-in-law.

Is that when you treat his son or daughter, uh, in the way that they receive love, the best God partners with you and he transforms you. So as I began to spend quality time with Tori, the next thing you know, my love language started to change. Mm-hmm. And several months ago I took the the five love languages test, which everybody should do.

Gary Chapman, five Love Languages. I took that test and my number one love language was quality time. That's so cool. Spending time with Tori. So that's what the Lord can do, is he can t. Yep. And it just shows you the, the, the value of practicing things, right? Yeah. Like we talk about that all the time. How important it is to practice the things that you're not good at.

Like, when I first started CrossFit, I hated it. There were certain things, I hated it. But the more I did them, the better I became at them. And now I don't really mind doing them, cuz. I've practiced them. And it's the same thing in relationships. Sometimes there are things that don't come natural. There are things you don't wanna do, but then you practice them, you become better at them and they become a, a good, healthy marriage habit.

Yeah, and I love that. And so in this book by Dr. Amen, he gives us, um, six tips for what we can do as married couples. And he calls it, uh, special. And as a married couple, what you need to do is invest special time and what special time is just between the two of you. Now it's quality time for you guys to spend time with your kids and to do all sorts of stuff and go to get togethers or dinners with friends and all that.

You need all that. But he said, you have to make sure that you're spending special time with each other, and that's just the two of you. Mm-hmm. And you know, as I was thinking about time and how important it is, um, in relationships, I thought about the verse in Matthew six that says, do not store up for yourself treasures on earth.

Where moths in vermin destroy where thiefs break in and steel, but store up for yourself's treasure in heaven. Where moths and vermin do not destroy and thiefs do not break in and steal for where your treasure is. There, your heart will be also. And that's Matthew, um, six 19 through 21. And it's just, it's so important that we do value relationship cuz we're your treasures.

Your heart will be. Yeah. And if you don't value relationship, um, it's gonna be really hard for you to move towards time together. Right. Yeah. Because just think about all the way what, what fills up your time now. Yeah. Right. It's so important to kind of evaluate where you are with those things. Like what are the things, because that is where your treasure is.

Where your time is. Yeah, that's right. Cuz your time is your most valued Yeah. Asset. Right. You know, it's, it's not just a money thing, it's your time thing. Right. So where are you spending your time? That shows you what you're, what you value the most. Mm-hmm. And so he, uh, the doctor Amen. Gives us six time tips for married couples.

And these are all simple. Yeah. They're very easy. But Tori and I just wanna talk through 'em. Yep. Let's do it. Tip number one. Okay. Tip number one, make a date. Make a date. Mm-hmm. And I love this and his story and I were talking through this. She brought up the greatest point. And I'll let you tell that four letter words.

You said the beauty of knowing that a date is coming and that it's something you put on the schedule. Mm-hmm. Is that it gives you hope. Yep. I remember when the kids were really young, we made it our practice to go on a date on Friday nights. Yeah, it was. It was on the calendar no matter what. Friday night was date night, even when we weren't making much money.

Date night was at Panera Bread where we would split. And then go walk in the park. So we, and we always had this kind of like competitive youness in us that were like, how little can we spend? And it felt good to be like, we got out of there for 9 49 or something. I'm so thankful that we're past that stage.

Yeah. Well we made it fun. You know, you can make things fun. And that's, Panera was the way that we were able to eat on a budget and. We just kept going back for those baguettes, those free baguettes. Oh my gosh. With put the butter and the honey on Toasted with butter and honey. Oh my gosh. That's bad. Um, but yeah, we were just, we were talking about that and how, what was it that that made those dates so special was the hope that it gave Mm.

A lot of times Jason was traveling or just life was really stressful. Yeah. And I just remember, think. Get to Friday. Just get to Friday. Uhhuh, we're gonna go on a date. Something to look forward to. Yep. Something to look forward to. And it just, it really bonded us because it was something that we looked forward to together.

I'm like, can't wait to go to some, you know, where are we gonna go? And as we began, you know, as life. Um, you know, went on and you started to make some money. We then it was like even more exciting cuz there's like, let's try this new place, Uhhuh, or, you know, ease became my favorite. Yeah. Kind of go-to, I was like, I cannot wait to sit down at ease and have that firecracker roll.

Oh yeah. With my jasmine hot tea and honey. Yeah. Like, I'm, I'm just looking forward to that all week long. Yeah. If you ever, if any of you ever come in for one of our, uh, marriage intensives, then we might end up taking you to. And you guys will love it. If, if you're a sushi lover, you don't get any better.

It's blow your hair back. Good. Um, and, and so we love the, the idea of making that date and what, when we talk about that, it gives you hope. It allows you to project power into the future mm-hmm. Which cures anxiety. Yeah. So when you have scheduled something and, you know, every Friday night for the most part mm-hmm.

I mean, obviously things come up right. Every Friday. We're gonna go on this date and it gives you something to look forward to. And that's projecting power into the future. Yeah. That's what gives you hope and anxiety is projecting powerlessness into the future. Right. It's like, you know, so we're struggling with something, we've tried to talk about it, but the kids keep jumping in our way or whatever.

But if we know two days from now we've got our date night Right. And we're gonna get this thing resolved. Exactly. You know, we're gonna talk about. And so it's, it's just a powerful thing. So that's, that's what the, the beauty of just simply having date night and we would say once a week minimum. Right? You can help it.

And, and if you are in a rut with your date night right now, then pick something. Where you guys can start doing it together. Like, um, we're gonna try all the different sushi restaurants in our metro area, you know, or we're gonna be barbecue people. Mm-hmm. Or we're gonna go find, you know, Tori and I have done this and it's so fun the the little off the beaten path trail that nobody knows about.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. And we're gonna go find it and we're gonna hike it. And when you do that, you know what it does. Whenever you're pursuing something, it doesn't matter what the thing is when you're pursuing, so, That's fun. And you're doing it with somebody, it releases dopamine in your brain. Right? So your brain releases dopamine, it goes throughout your body, and it's a feelgood chemical.

Mm-hmm. Because dopamine is tied to pursuit. Yep. That's why young kids that play video games aren't pursuing girls, young boys. Mm-hmm. They're not pursuing girls because they're, dopamine is getting released in the video game. Right. They're pursuing something. Mm-hmm. And then they got no energy to pursue a young girl.

Right. Right. Now, when I was growing up, we didn't have that. I mean, we, Nintendo and Sega Genesis had just. And my dad was like, no, you ain't playing that, that's gonna make you a stupid kid. And I'm like, uh, okay. So I, I didn't play it. Yeah. So pursuing girls wasn't really an issue. Actually, I didn't pursue 'em.

They pursued me. Right. Yeah. Whatever. Okay. But anyway, so, but the other interesting thing about dopamine is it, it's also the chemical that makes you want more of the thing that you get. Yes, sir. So the thing that you pursue, you want more, this is. You know, dopamine is also released when you take drugs and you mm-hmm.

And alcohol and it makes you think, oh my goodness, that felt so good. I want more. Well, it's the same with relationships. When that dopamine is released, it puts you on this perpetual train of, oh, that felt good. Let's do that again. Let's do it again. Take It gets you on a, a healthy cycle. A healthy relational cycle.

Yeah. And that's why it's so important that we do, do things that mm-hmm. That release, that healthy dopamine that God gave us. Get us back to that spot again. Yeah, so pick something that you guys can do together and that you can pursue together and have fun. It doesn't matter what it is. All right. So number one, make a date, time tip number two.

Go outside. Go outside. You know, being in nature, it is so powerful. You know why? Cuz God created the trees. He created the grass, he created this, the, the stars and the sun and the moon and, and the sky and the clouds and the rain and the birds. Yep. Created all that stuff. So when you are outside, you are also God's creation.

Mm-hmm. So it's God's creation is spending time with God's. And then when you're doing it together, it connects you to each other. Do you know there was a research project done that said that looking at trees blowing in the wind relieves stress. Isn't that cool? Ever since I've heard that, I can testify.

It's true. I love going out in our hammock, it just looking up at the trees, it literally relaxes me like nothing else. And when you're, when you're in that relaxed state and your stress is being relieved and you're holding the hand of your. It, it just bonds you. Mm-hmm. For Tori and I, we walk, we walk a lot now.

Mm-hmm. Um, and we've discovered the neuroscience behind, what, what does it do at Sunset? Well, it sets your circadian rhythm if you are outside, when the sun is, um, setting, setting and rising. Circadian rhythm. Mm-hmm. And what that means is that if you get that light into your eyes, you'll actually be able to fall asleep at the time that your body is supposed to fall asleep.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. There's all this science behind it. It, it's really, really interesting. And they've even done, you know, studies to see, oh, well what if you're driving and there's a glass in front of you? It doesn't, it's not the same. Yeah. It's just so interesting how, you know, God, God's design is, but when you are actually outside without any filters mm-hmm.

And you are looking at the sun as or not. Looking at the sun when you're outside walking, or you don't have to look at the sun, but you are taking in that light. Yeah. People are like, I'm blind after I can't see anything. Your dad gum podcast blinded me. Um, but you know, during, it's like during that hour of sunrise and sunset, it's setting your body.

Up for sleep. Yeah, for the right sleep cycle. Yeah. It's really cool. So that's number two. Go outside and do it together. Number. Yeah. And you know, he talks about just how important it is to get away from distractions and oftentimes in your home, there's just a lot of distractions. I know as a mom, this is true for me.

If I'm inside, I'm, there's. Constantly something that needs to be done, laundry, dishes, pick up this, you know, whatever it may be. But when I get outside, it takes away those distractions. Yeah. And I'm, my, my head space is clear for you and I to talk and it's funny and to be less distracted. It's funny because the whole distraction thing carries through several of his points.

Mm-hmm. So point number three is be present. Yep. And obviously to be fully present, you can't be distracted, but there's real power in present. You wanna know what the power is in presence? It's that it shows your spouse priority. Right? The, the number one thing that you need to do to communicate love is priority.

Mm-hmm. Your spouse needs to feel as though they are your priority, and if you're not present mm-hmm. You can't communicate priority to them. And if they don't feel like they're the priority, then they're not connected to you. Mm-hmm. Totally like the reason why presence is so powerful. Now, you, you all know the Psalm 100, Tori, and I've said it a lot, wrote it in our book, in order to get the presence of your spouse.

Mm-hmm. You do it the same way you do it with God. When God says, enter my gates with thanksgiving and my courts with praise, thanksgiving and praise, thank them for what they do. Praise them for who they are, and you get their presence. Wow. Okay. But now to be fully present, you also have to have the practical.

Go outside, make a date, and some of these other points that we'll talk about in a minute. And another aspect of presence is not numbing out. Wow. You know, there are people at night that have to have some alcohol or some pill or something to calm themselves down mm-hmm. And numb out. But when you take that, you're not fully present.

Mm. You're not. You can't be. Now you might be able to settle down just a little. You know? Right. But in reality, what you want to do is the same thing Jesus did when he was on the cross. Remember, he is on the cross. He's in agony, he's in pain. He's looking around, he sees the people there, he prays and says, God forgive them.

So he's paying attention to who's around him. And then they offered him that, that sponge with like vinegar and, and apparently a concoction on there that would've alleviated his pain. Mm-hmm. But he refused to. So they offered it to him and he on the cross, he refused to take it. Why? Because he wasn't gonna numb out.

Mm-hmm. When he needed to stay fully present. Now I got a chance to see what this looked like with my mom when she was in the hospital. Days before she died. They said, we're gonna give you morphine because you know it's gonna get painful. She's like, no, no morphine. Mm-hmm. You know, she could barely breathe.

At this point, it was like she was running on a treadmill, breathing through a straw. Cause she had pulmonary fibrosis, which is scarring of the. So it was hard for her to breathe. Mm-hmm. But she wanted to be fully present for her family. Yeah. When we were all coming in and gathering around and she had friends from all over the country flying in.

She wanted to be fully present for them. Yeah. Therefore, she had to embrace a little pain mm-hmm. To be present. But on her deathbed, she was able to look at each one of the kids. Yeah. You know, and, and my dad to basically say her goodbye and then she closed her eyes and breathed her last. But if she were on morph, She could have never got that.

Now I'm of the mindset, put me on the morphine. I'm already telling Tori Yeah, if, if, if I'm in pain. I don't know. She, she's a special woman. But it really was the, one of the most special times of our life with nana, with Jason's mom. We call her nana and um, because she was. It was so important to her to be fully present with us.

Yeah. And she showed us the importance of that. She's, she's always been, that's always kind of been her superpower was to be very, very present. Mm-hmm. Like you, yeah. You would go over to her house with the kids and she's just on the floor and she's just all there right there. Right then Uhhuh, it's like she's not thinking about all the things she has to get done, all the things she needs to do.

It was, she was just, she had that superpower and in her death she showed us that superpower once again, and it was just so beautiful to see. Just how important presence was to her. Yeah. When the doctors would come in, I, I really would rather not, I'll let you know if I'm, if I'm in enough pain to where I need something right now, I'm not.

And I really want, don't want anything that's gonna put me to sleep, anything that's gonna take me away from my family. And you know what, that communicated all of us, that we were her priority. Mm-hmm. Okay. So that's the value of being present. So turn off the dad gum phone, put it up, get rid of it. Don't have the game on at the same time, whatever it.

Be fully present. Yes. Especially when you're on your date night. Okay. That's number three. Number four, turn off your cell phone. Turn off your phone. Mm-hmm. As simple as that, you know, and, and when you turn off your phone, you know it's gonna cure two things that kill relationship. There are two things that kill relationships, okay.

If they're not channeled the right way. Number one is distraction. Number two is curiosity. Hmm. Now I'm not talking curiosity in terms of curious about your spouse or anything like that. Distraction and curiosity. Distraction when your phone is off. Mm-hmm. You can concentrate right when your phone is on you.

You think that we can multitask, but you can't. Right. Actually, in reality, let me, let me rephrase that. You can multitask, but you can't multi concentrate. Mm-hmm. So multitasking is, I'm driving my car and I'm talking on the phone. Well, that's two tasks at one time, and I'm doing both of them. Yeah. Now one of them has to be unconscious and one of them has to be conscious.

Mm-hmm. Okay. So because you drive your car unconsciously, You can consciously do the other task, right? So you can multitask, right? You cannot multi concentrate, right? So when you're with your spouse, if your phone is on, and God forbid that you have notifications on, right? You know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Just don't have tear the notifications off or just, just get rid of that all together.

And where I was telling my, um, younger son, I was like, you summon your phone. Mm-hmm. Your phone doesn't summon you. Right. If you allow your phone to summon you, then it's your master. So turn it off. So, and also distraction is a form of anxiety, right? Yeah. Just, I mean, the amount of research that's out on how much anxiety has, has increased since cell phones.

Right. And since crazy, we've had iPhones where we can get information in an instant. Yeah. And we were never meant to, to be processing so much, much information at once. Mm-hmm. And it causes a lot of anxiety. Yeah. And if you turn the phone. Especially during your special time, but even more than that, you're not only gonna cure distraction, but you're also gonna cure curiosity.

Mm-hmm. And this is the thing that the phones give us that we never had, when you and I were growing up tour before we had Right. Technology like this. Yeah. Like if I thought, you know, I'm watching a movie with Tom Hanks and I'm like, I wonder what Tom Hank's net worth is. Yeah. Well I thought of that stuff 30 years ago.

Yeah. But I, you know, what am I gonna do? Go to the library and find that out. But now what do you. You go to, Hey Siri. Mm-hmm. What's Tom Hank's net worth? Right. You know, and then the next thing you know, I just said, Hey Siri. And so she turned on, but, but the next thing you know, you're thinking of other things that you want to ask Siri.

You know, it's like, it's just this rabbit trail. Yeah. It's terrible. So turning off your phone cures distraction and it cures that curiosity. That can pull you away from your spouse when you don't need to really go down that rabbit hole of research and looking up this and this and this and this, and that.

Curiosity is actually pulling you away from your spouse. Mm-hmm. Right. That's a bad thing. So that's turning off your phone. Number five. You got it. To do something you both enjoy. I like it. Yeah. That's so good. Let's do that. Because when we do things that we enjoy, what does it do? Makes you wanna do more.

This is, these are healthy marriage habits. When you begin to do things together that you love to do and you have fun doing it and it bonds you. Yeah. You know, shared activity is the foundation for friendship. Hmm. So it is, I mean, how do you become friends with somebody? Well, just think about it. Whenever you were back in school, it's like, now you, you're in class, there's.

All these new kids that you didn't know, there's a few that you did know. And then by the end of the year, after field trips and after lunches and after sporting events and all that kind of stuff, at the end of the year, guess what? You're friends with the kids in your class? Mm-hmm. Well, how did that happen?

Shared activity. Yep. Yeah. It's just an English class. But you shared it together. Right? So now your friends, right? Uh, what's that quote? Best friend's, best married. Mm-hmm. Shared experience. Yeah. Locked you into relat. That's why you have to both pick something that you enjoy and do it together. Yeah. You know, we've had friends and I'm telling you, it does not work.

We've had friends. In their marriage where they're both very siloed. Mm-hmm. She likes to do this, he likes to do that, and neither one of them have shared activities together. Mm-hmm. And they're like, you know, so long as he's happy doing his thing and I'm happy doing my thing, we're, we're fine. No, no, you're not fine.

It really doesn't work. It really doesn't work. I mean, we've seen this, we're so many couples that come and they're like, we just, we just kind of have our own things. It's like, well, you're gonna have to get some things together. You. If you just have your own things and you're always separate, it's not going to going to grow you together.

Yeah. And yeah, and it's been sad to see the relationships that haven't been willing mm-hmm. To figure those things out that they both enjoy doing and start making those healthy marriage habits together. And some of them, you know, we've watched Fall apart because they just weren't willing to do some hard things, um, and make hard decisions that this is actually, no, I'm not gonna go do this and this all by myself year after year.

No. Now we're gonna change and we're gonna make decisions together and do things together. Yeah. And you know, sometimes it depends on your stage in life. If you've got young kids doing something together could look like our good. Tanner and Britney Hoyt mm-hmm. Who are, uh, they're in our marriage mentorship program and Britney has discovered Pickleball.

Pickleball. And she goes out and plays against the geriatric crowd. You know, the, the, the man who can barely walk so awesome at the country club. Yeah. And they've got two small kids and so Tanner has taken up, he watches the kids, he watches the kids, they go and watch mom play pickleball. And I just, I think it's amazing just to see like they've, they've kind of figured out something that, that Britney loves and Tanner loves and he's like, thinks it's so fun to watch.

Yeah. Well, okay, so I gotta be honest. So Tanner and Britney, both college athletes, so they're, they're like crazy athletes. And Britney's not playing the geriatric crowd, although we make fun of her for doing that, that she's playing against men and women whose teeth are like stars. They come out at night.


Okay. So anyway, um, find something that you guys can do together. Whatever your stage in life is, just do it together and it'll bond you. Okay? Number six, the last one, what is it? Tour. Make time to get romantic. Ooh. And they're talking about physical intimacy, how important that is. Should we just stop the podcast now and make some time?

What, what? I can't believe you just said that. What in the world? So you can go back and we were, you know, we kind of were talking about this before that we did a podcast on this that really talks about the importance of that. Um, do you remember what the name of the podcast is that we talk specifically about?

This? About What? About intimacy? Oh, see, she doesn't wanna say sex. She's like, uh, the S word, NS and X. Um, we've got like three. Let's talk about sex Parts one and two, and then Keys to Great Sex is another one. Mm-hmm. But that was like, I don't know, maybe 10, 10 podcast go or something like that. But we did, we talk about how the neurochemicals that are released during intimacy.

Yeah. I like the word intimacy better. Oxytocin and dopamine. Mm-hmm. Releases like crazy and in a man's, uh, body. That the, what happens to him right after sex? There's more oxytocin than will ever be released at any other time for him. Mm-hmm. You know, I think for a mother it's just after, what is it? Just after you give birth you and the baby.

Mm-hmm. That's like when the OC one one of the highest dose. Yeah. That's crazy. But yeah, so it's, it's so important and it's, I think, you know, for women it's important for you to look at intimacy as a positive thing, as something that's to be enjoyed to, to, and I think, you know, for years and years, I know growing up, to me, the message I was getting is it's for men and it's not.

That's right. The science even shows just what happens in, in a woman's body. Like it's for you, it's good, it's healthy, it's, it's good. And I think we have to start looking at it that way. And, um, because it, it's important to see things for what they are. If it's good, if God calls, it's good. It's good. Yeah.

And when, uh, both spouses realized that the best sex is when your focus is not on you. Mm-hmm. It's on. It's un pleasing your spouse. And if that's the case, then for the guys, do you realize Yeah, it is. It is a longer burn for the woman. Like you're gonna have to slowly move that direction. So what you need to do is set the mood.

Mm-hmm. Like get some good lighting, get some music going on. You know, she's gotta get relaxed, you know? Obviously if you have young kids, yeah. Then that means you only have a small pocket of time. You know, it definitely can't be like in between her changing diapers and the kids are still up and you're like, Let's do this thing.

Doesn't work like that, but atmosphere mm-hmm. Builds relationships. Right? And so getting your wife into a position to where she can just relax and just chill and not be in a rush, you know, take a bath or whatever it is that she wants to do that helps her relax. Just, you know, she's gotta get to that. And then just, just enjoy your time together and slowly move that direction.

Yep. So good. So that's it. That's it. That's it guys. Can I give this list again? Okay. The six things, it's make a. Go outside, be present, turn off your phone, do something you both enjoy and make time for romance. I love it. And so I wanna share a, a very simple recipe. Um, For those of you who know me, you know, I'm a big tea drinker, I love tea.

And um, we have some friends, uh, Jacob Sab, Sabina Williams, who are from India, and she introduced me to the best. Chai homemade chai tea that you have ever had? I don't honestly don't have like exactly her recipe. I've kind of tweaked it because she uses whole milk and, you know, just trying not to, to do so much milk and dairy.

I've ch changed it just a little bit, but oh my gosh, it's become something that I, it's such a tree, especially in the winter months. Um, something that I crave and it's just fresh ginger, which is so good for you. And, um, Cardman, you get the actual pods, not the spice cardman. Yep. You get the actual pods, you get 'em on Amazon, you get 'em at, like in the international aisle, I believe.

Um, or any kind of like international grocery store. Um, they're little pods and you're gonna need a mortar to like mash the g fresh ginger in the pods and then a mortar. Yeah, that's interesting. It's like a little marble mortar with a, not, not, not to be confused with Mordor. What is that? You don't remember that?

Nobody knows what you're talking about or the rings. Yes, they all do. You don't, everybody knows what I'm talking about. Yeah. Okay. And let's get back to the tea. Okay. Um, the d decaf black tea is the, is what you boil it with. And anyways, uh, you can add honey, and if you're doing keto, you could do heavy cream.

That's like the best way of drinking it, but, or you could do half and half or whatever creamer you want. It's so, so good. It's something that I make quite often and, um, you can make a bunch of it ahead of time if you want, and just kind of reheat it throughout the week. But anyways, I'm gonna share that with you guys, um, on Jason and Tory Instagram.

I'll make a little reel, I'll show you how you, how I make it, but it's, uh, it's a special, special tea. I like it. Well, thanks for hanging out with us. We love talking, especially when it comes to neuroscience of relationship. Like this is really cool. Mm-hmm. I'm kind of excited for us to find. To dive into as well.

But thank you. Uh, if you haven't taken our five day free challenge, take it. You need to do it. And then after that, hey, we've got a, we've got, I think it's a 14 part marriage course. We call it the Beauty and Battle Marriage Bootcamp. That's right. Teaching you how to fight together. Um, and uh, other than that, thanks, we can't wait to see you.

Yep. We'll see you guys next week. Go to Beauty and Battle dot. And we'll see you next week. See ya. Peace.