Beauty in Battle Podcast

Becoming An Active Listener

April 04, 2023 Episode 62
Becoming An Active Listener
Beauty in Battle Podcast
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Beauty in Battle Podcast
Becoming An Active Listener
Apr 04, 2023 Episode 62

We're in week three of our deep dive into the Neuroscience of Connection, and today we'll be talking about the power of communication. 

We've heard it said that "in the absence of communication, negativity fills the void." In marriage, the lack of communication is the death-bell for your relationship.  So today, we'll be talking about the number one characteristic of good communication:

Becoming an active listener!

We're going to show you the eight typical bad habits of poor communicators, as well as the seven keys to becoming an active listener to strengthen communication.

You guys will like this one!  Enjoy.

If you haven't taken our 5-Day marriage challenge, or grabbed a copy of our book, you can do both by clicking HERE

Show Notes Transcript

We're in week three of our deep dive into the Neuroscience of Connection, and today we'll be talking about the power of communication. 

We've heard it said that "in the absence of communication, negativity fills the void." In marriage, the lack of communication is the death-bell for your relationship.  So today, we'll be talking about the number one characteristic of good communication:

Becoming an active listener!

We're going to show you the eight typical bad habits of poor communicators, as well as the seven keys to becoming an active listener to strengthen communication.

You guys will like this one!  Enjoy.

If you haven't taken our 5-Day marriage challenge, or grabbed a copy of our book, you can do both by clicking HERE

So we're back. We're talking the neuroscience of connection. Today specifically, we're talking about listening, which is all about good communication. Um, and if you remember, we're we're taking, uh, the la the, the next, I don't know how many more weeks we got left, but it's like eight parts. Um, to talk about the neuroscience of connection based on a book by Dr.

Amen. Right? You Happier. And the, the overall question is, am I reinforcing the behaviors I like or dislike in my. Now the whole book is about doing it in others, but this dude's also a marriage counselor, marriage coach or whatever, and it uses that neuroscience. So we're going to give that to you. And this awesome word relating mm-hmm.

Is it is our acronym, right? Responsibility, empathy, listening, which we're gonna talk about today. Assertiveness time, time spent together inquiry, which is recognizing negative thought patterns, patterns, uh, notice. What you like more than what you don't like. And grace, if you exercise those eight things according to neuroscience, you're actually gonna have a good relationship.

I love it. Which is powerful. Yep. So good. So before we dive into that though, Tori and I picked out a song you guys are gonna like. Now this one is one of my faves. I've been listening to this since I was about 16 years old, and I actually went to one of his concerts. But this song actually has no words, and you guys will all recognize it from my favorite.

Kenny G. Forever in Love. Here you go.

That is so good.

Wait for it. Wait for it.

So good. That's a relaxing song. Oh my gosh. And what's great is our kids, cuz I've been, I've played that so much over the years, that our kids, I walk up into the room and they're listening to Kenny G to go to sleep. I love it. They do all the time. It's, it cracks me up cuz I never even heard of Kenny G before you.

And now it's like a staple in our house and it just, it really does relax everybody. It is so awesome. Which is a really good quality in the Benham home. Mm, yeah. A little bit of calm, it's so funny. A little bit of calm. We'll do ya drink the tea, the calm tea. Okay, so Torah today we're talking.

Communication, but specifically listening, cuz that's what Dr. Amen talks about. Now listen, you know the problem with communication, I heard this quote. The problem with communication is the illusion that it's taking place. Mm-hmm. And we think about, it's so true. We think about communication is just about talking.

Right. Talking is good, but the best communication is about listening. It's so good. I just think about, um, James one nine or one 19. Yeah. Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. The Bible is very clear. Slow to speak, speak quick to listen. Mm. You know, um, so if listening is the biggest part of communication Yep.

But active listening, cuz we're gonna talk about how to be, you know, Dr. Aman gives seven strategies for how to be an active listen. And we're gonna talk about that here in just a minute. But if listening is the biggest part of communication, being an active listener in the absence of com communication, I heard this great quote by John Wagner.

Mm-hmm. In the absence of communication, negativity always fills the void. And that is just so true. Ever since I heard that quote. It is just so evident that that is exactly what happens. Yeah. Negativity fills the gap. Yep. Like there has been so many times where I'm like, oh my goodness. When there, there's no communication, it just naturally negativity fills that gap.

And, and when it comes to active listening, which is what we're gonna focus on today, Can you imagine talking to somebody who literally is looking at you stone face, or you can tell in their mind they're somewhere else. Yeah. Or they're not even looking at you. Yeah. You know, like all of that. That's the absence of communication, right?

And negativity fills the void. So we don't want that to happen. Now I love this because, um, Dr. Amen, it gives us two lists. We're gonna go over the first list, um, bad listening habit. Some bad listening habits. What? What are some of those? Tour? Okay, so the first one that he brings up, and this is, comes from years of sitting down with couples and doing marriage counseling with them.

He said these are the ones that just keep repeating themselves. Yeah. First one is focusing on what you want to say rather than listening. Oh, I've never done that. Thinking about what you wanna say next and thinking about what's on your heart and what you wanna make sure the points that you wanna make sure come across.

You're doing that while the other person. Is speaking, that's so you're not hear, you're not listening to what they're saying. You're not even hearing what they're saying. You're thinking about what you're gonna say. Yeah. Such a bad habit and such an easy one to fall into. And I think it's because people focus on being understood.

Yes. Being, being heard and being understood rather than understanding. Mm-hmm. And hearing. Right. And I think just as spouses, if you can make that one shift, That you in your own mind, it's like, I am going to listen to everything. You know, for me, it'd be listening to everything that she's. And I'm gonna try to understand the angle she's coming from.

Mm-hmm. Rather than burying myself in my own position and thinking I need to convince her to understand the si, the position that I'm coming from. Don't just, just drop that. Mm-hmm. I mean, we, we all know that the, the foundation for love in the Bible is sacrifice. Right. Right. So in that moment when you're communicating, especially when it's has something to do with conflict, sacrifice your position so that you can seek to understand your spouse's position.

Yeah. And chances are, You may not fully agree with your spouse, but chances are good. You're gonna agree with a few things with your spouse that you wouldn't have agreed with had you not s actually taken the time to, to listen. Yeah. And to seek to understand. Yep. And just, just take a moment, like you will be surprised if you put this into your mind.

Okay, do I do this? Am I doing this? Just become self-aware. Yeah. To know, am I thinking about what I wanna say next, or am I listening? You'll be surprised how much you are thinking about what you wanna say next. Yeah. It's really a practice. Yeah. It's really something you have to first acknowledge you're doing, become aware of it, and then practice.

Mm-hmm. So what's the next one? Next one is interrupting. Oh, hey, I got a knock, knock joke for you. Knock, knock. No, I got the joke. You don't tell the joke tour. Okay, go ahead. Or are you gonna tell. No, go ahead. Knock. Knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting Cal food. Woo.

Okay. That was really funny. All right. Okay, so interrupting. This is something that you and I have experienced in our relationship, right? Because you're a little bit, you're interrupting me like I just interrupted you now. Yeah. Jason is more. To speak, you're just more quick. You have more, um, words that come quickly.

He is filled with words. He is filled with words. Um, but something in our relationship that I've had to become better at is being more assertive in this area. Yes. That, and you have, um, also just had to understand and, and not be sensitive to the fact that, babe, you're interrupting me. Yes. Um, and just being aware that you're doing it and being.

When I'm like, babe, and you're like, oh, I'm so sorry. Yeah. You don't get offended. You're like, oh my gosh, I'm doing it again. Yeah. And that is so good for couples to understand because chances are one of the, one of the partners in the marriage mm-hmm. Is gonna be more wordy, is gonna be more vocal, is gonna be more forthright and kind of abrasive.

If, if the other partner recognizes the best thing that you can do in that moment when they interrupt you is to interrupt them back. Yeah. Be assertive and say, okay. Please stop now. You don't wanna be mean to him. Right. But like, Tori actually goes, honey, like sometimes she'll put her hand on me, honey, you just interrupted me.

Like, and I'm like, oh crap, I did it again. Yeah. You gotta be assertive. And that actually has really helped me a lot. Yeah. And just, and, and talk about it, like in your relationship, who, who is more quick to have the, the next line? Mm-hmm. Like who's just words come quicker. Yeah. I'm more of a processor. I'm more of a, I'm gonna take things in, think about it a little bit.

Yeah. And. Talk about it, right? Mm-hmm. And so we know that in our relationship, and we're just very heightenedly aware of it. And, and you're very much like, oh my gosh, I'm sorry, I'm doing it again. And I'm like, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm, I'm talking. So it's just having that understanding. And talking about that.

Like, okay, who's, who's the more of the talker? Who's, who needs to to be a more assertive, yeah. What's the next one? Lack of feedback. Oh, this is verbal or non-verbal? The non-verbal is the biggest one. Right. You know, your, your expression on your face. Yeah. Your body language. Mm-hmm. And we're gonna dive deeper into that in, uh, in, in the active listening strategies that we're gonna give in a minute.

So, but being able to give that feed. If, if you're not giving feedback, then again, that's the lack of communication. Mm-hmm. What's gonna fill the void in your spouse's mind. Negativity. Yep. So don't let that happen, but you are speaking through your body language. You also need to be very aware of that.

Yeah. The what your fa the facial expression, the way that you, you know, it, it matters. Yeah. All right. So what's next? What next one is getting distracted? Oh, that never happens to me. You know, I think this has a lot to do with timing too, of when you're gonna talk. Yeah, that's a good point. I know. You know, even, even just if you're a morning person or a night person, you're a morning person, right?

Mm-hmm. In the morning, I'm half dead. Like I'm, I'm a walking zombie, and so that's probably not gonna be a great time for you to, to like start a deep conversation. Yeah. Because I'm distracted by. This strong desire to be in bed. That's funny. You know? And at night for you, when it's, when you're like, yeah, you know, 10 30 hits we lay in bed, that's not gonna be a good time for me to like, don't bring up, bring up something deep because I'm gonna be really frustrated that my.

Voice has lud you asleep. Oh, it's like a lullaby. Look, I love your voice so much. I go night night now. Mm-hmm. Let's go Night night. The beginning of our marriage, it happened all the time. I was like, I'm a night owl. I'm ready to talk. I'm bring up all these things and Jason's, you know, snoring mid-sentence.

Yeah. And I'm like, So irritated, but I've since learned that's not the right timing. No, it's not. All right. So after getting distracted, what's next? Lack of eye contact. Oh, we talked about this last week. How important being fully present. Yeah. And a lot of that has to do with locking in with your eyes.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That, that's a good one. Uh, and you've talked to people before who can't look you in the eye. Mm-hmm. Like when you're talking, it's like they're talking, you're looking them in the eye. But when you're talking. Not. Mm-hmm. It's very hard to figure out that situation, but it's, it's something that some people have to practice.

I know that I've had to practice this. This is, I'm can be easily distracted and I have to be, um, you know, I probably haven't been this way in the last few years, but I do remember this being a struggle for me, that I can be very distracted and, and tend to look away when people are talking. I'm like, I gotta, that's something I have to really practice.

So, yeah, sometimes it doesn't come easy. Okay. The next one is daydreaming. That one's a hard one for me because Tori will be talking and she'll say something that makes me think of something else in the next, or, or she's, she's describing a situation and I'm actually thinking of that situation in my mind, and the next thing I know, I'm actually daydreaming about the situation and I don't hear her talking anymore.

And then you, you, I think this happened the other day when we were walking around. She's like, Hey, where, where, where's your head? Like, are you? Mm-hmm. Are you listening to me? I was like, oh, I'm sorry, I, you said this one thing about Trey, our son is in the transfer portal. And that got me thinking about, you know, this coach that wants to have a zoom call with him, and the next thing you know, I'm daydreaming about something.

Now she, it's, it has something to do with what she said. Mm-hmm. But I didn't train my brain and I didn't, uh, control my brain from going into that daydream. Easy to happen. Yeah. Okay. Next one. Rushing. The person who is talking to today, junior, today, junior. Just being sensitive to the one who is a more slow processor and is working through it and just kind of being patient.

I would definitely say this is for men to, to make sure that they're not rushing their wives when they're talking in circles, because at some point the circle will. They'll realize it and they will, uh, they'll, they'll have already just because they talked kind of in circles. That's what helped, helped them process.

And, uh, because do you know this from experience? No, no. This is, this is what my mom did. Sometimes women talk in circles. Finish. That's so funny. Okay. And the last one was finishing. The speaker's thought, I am so bad with this. You, you're like, you know what I was thinking the other day. Let me guess. Yeah.

And I don't even say, let me guess. I just tell you what you were thinking. Mm-hmm. You're like, no. But you know, now I forgot what I was thinking. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly right. So let me give you the list again. Here are the bad listening habits, focusing on what you want to say next rather than listening, interrupting, lack of feedback, getting distracted, lack of eye contact, daydreaming, rushing the person who's talking and finishing the speaker's thoughts.

So don't do any of those things. That's, that's a good list for all of us. But the goal is to be an active listener. So here, this next list we're going. Look at some things that you can do to be a better listener. Mm-hmm. We're not gonna look at the things that you can do to be a better talker. Yeah. Okay.

Because if you can be a better listener, then the talking will take care of itself. Yeah. All right. So seven strategies to put active listening into practice. What's number one? Okay. Number one, give feedback to show you are listening. Yeah. And that's that. Honestly, most of that is the nonverbal, right. Most of it is looking, it's shaking the head, it's eye contact.

It's, you know, it's when you're seeking to underst. Then your spouse can see it in your eyes. Mm-hmm. It's, it's like, you know, with a movie, you can tell a bad actor. Mm-hmm. Because they're just not believable, you know? But the good actors are the ones who are so believable. They're in it. So what's the difference between a bad actor and a good actor?

Well, the good actor knows how to really be in it. Yeah. A bad actor is acting. So your spouse can tell right through your eyes mm-hmm. Whether or not you're really in it with them. Yeah. This makes me think of a book that I read recently, the Connection Code, and he talks about, mm, there's a whole chapter and I, and I forget what it, it's like, Ooh.

Is the, like the name of the chapter and it's, it's literally just talking about how important it is to have some sense of, um, of verbal. Acknowledgement that you're in the conversation. So when someone's talk, when your spouse is talking to you, like there has to be some sense of response. Yeah. And so it's, I think it was like his thing is like, I'm just constantly like, oh, oh.

Like it's just, it's really showing them that you're listening. Yeah. That's good. Through your verbal cues. Yeah. That's good. What's number two? Um, allow for period periods of silence. Hmm. That's, maybe that's, that's something I think that as you're married for longer period of time, That you get better at.

Mm-hmm. But being okay with silence. Yes. And not just filling it up with words. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You know, if you fill it with silence, then both of you have an opportunity to just kind of think, you know, I th I think by God's grace, we've kind of worked into a good rhythm with that. That we don't, we don't the, the minute you're done talking and I don't have anything to say or whatever, we just kind of sit in silence and then the next thing you know, we're both trying to say something at the same time.

Yeah. But yeah, sitting in that silence is a good thing. Yeah. Being, being comfortable with something that could feel uncomfortable. It's like there's some silence, but this is fine. This is good. This is what we need right now to, to move on in the conversation. Silence is the processing opportu. Yes. When that silence is there, it gives you both an opportunity to process.

So embrace that silence. All right. What's number, number three is repeat back, what's been said? Oh, this is, this is a good one because it helps you and it helps your partner. It's like it helps you to be an active listener cuz you're, you know that you're going to, in your own words, say back what they just said to make sure that you're understanding Yes.

And then it gives your spouse this. Reassurance that you have been listening. Yes, it's, it's such a good, it really is such a good one if you can practice this because it helps. If you're thinking that you have to repeat back, then you, you actually listen. Yeah. You know, and you, and you probably don't want to start with the cliche-ish.

Okay. So what I, what I'm hearing you, what I'm hearing, what I'm hearing you say is okay if you say that chances are you're gonna get slapped. Yeah, that's true. Just figure out some other thing. Way to summarize. Yeah. Okay. I'm trying to understand is, is this what you're saying? And then say it. Yeah. You know, like if you can do that, very few couples do that actually.

Mm-hmm. Because you're too busy thinking about what you wanna say next. Yeah. But if you be an active listener and you're like, okay, so I think I'm hearing you right. Does this sound like it's accurate? Yeah, exactly. And I don't think it's something that you have to do continuously, but I think it's such a good practice to help you become an active listener.

Yeah. It, it's like understanding that like, we're working on this, we're practicing this. So, hey, let me just, can I repeat back to you? Cuz it's, it may not feel natural to be like, wait, right. It's like how much, yeah. It'll feel corny at first, but just do it and you gotta figure it out. Yeah. To get you guys into the flow of becoming active listeners.

Yeah. That's good. And then the, the fourth one is be neutral and non, non-judgmental. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's don't be so opinionated. You don't have tos Right. To voice your opinion immediately. Let, let, let them explain their thing. Yeah. And just sit with it for a little bit. Yeah. And, and remember, feelings aren't.

Feelings aren't wrong. Mm-hmm. Okay. Feelings are feelings. They, they, they are, emotions are an impulse to act. So if your spouse is feeling a certain way and they're saying certain things, let 'em say it. Let 'em feel it. Now, thoughts around feelings can be wrong, right? So you definitely want to talk about that, but don't jump to judgements.

Mm-hmm. You know, and you, you wanna listen with that empathetic, like, if this were me Yeah. That would've been crappy. Yeah. I would've felt the same way kind of thing. And, uh, you just don't, this is where contempt mm-hmm. Comes in where contemptuous. Our comparison thoughts, right? Contemptuous thoughts say, wow, if I were going through the same situation, I wouldn't respond that way.

Right. Well, now you have compared yourself to your spouse and you've placed yourself in the superior position. Hmm. So when you're thinking like that, like, oh, they did that. I wouldn't do that, then they feel judged and they'll see it in your eyes. Right. And then it causes them to not be as open with you.

Yeah. And you don't want. And I think this is where self-awareness comes into, are you a naturally judgmental person? Do you naturally jump to a conclusion? Yeah. Um, and just being self-aware, this whole book is actually, um, he talks about the different brain types, right? Yeah. Like the different ways that people naturally, um, think.

And, um, he's, he just talks about how important it's to be self-aware, to know. And that's why there are so many different ways. Self-aware. This is another, this is actually why I read this book to kind of understand which one is, you know, the way that I naturally invent. Yeah. Um, so the different types are spontaneous, persistent, oh, different brain types.

Yeah. Yeah. In the book it's, uh, spontaneous, persistent, cautious, sensitive. Um, and that's it. Yeah. There's just four different types. And so if you are the persistent, he talks about in this particular section of the book that if you're persistent. Then you're gonna naturally probably be a little bit judgmental.

Yeah. That's just gonna be your bent and it's important for you to know that Okay. And your spouse to know that so that you can manage that. Yeah. Because that's gonna be, that's going to happen unnecessarily a lot. I can probably be a persistent person mm-hmm. You know, with, with you. And, and I have to slow my brain down and be like, okay, listen to everything she's.

Don't jump to conclusions. I'm like, Hey, I already got it figured out, tour, right? I don't even need you to talk anymore because I got this figured out. I know. You're supposed to say no, that's not really good. No, I'm saying you're like, I know, like you, you're just like, you're a confident person. You know, you kind of feel like you have the answer.

Yeah. But I think you've, you've, you're very humble in that you've really worked on this a lot and because you're self-aware, you, you actually hand you, I wouldn't even guess at this stage of our life that you are that persistent. Yeah. Because. I think that you've managed yourself well through, you know, understanding emotional intelligence.

Yeah. And really just working on things. We need to do another podcast on emotional intelligence. It's too good to not, it's true. Are you gonna do another one of those? Okay. So number five, ask for clarification. Number five, ask questions. Oh, this is in the strategies. Okay. Yeah. Back to the strategies. Yep.

Number five, ask for clarification. Just ask questions. That is, that's huge. And Tori and I have this little practice in our, in our marriage coaching, um, and we've got other coaches that use this as well, called, um, speaker, listener. Mm-hmm. So when, when the couple is going through an issue, you've gotta have speaker, we literally can walk them through.

Speaker, listener. Okay. Both of you. Shut up. All right. Now, wife, you're the speaker, husband, you're the listener. Mm-hmm. Wife you speak so she has like two or three minutes to speak. Husband, you do nothing but listen. Okay. Then once wife is done speaking, husband, repeat back what you heard. Yeah. Okay. Wife, clarify anything?

Okay. Then husband ask this question. Is there anything else? You have to ask that question. Is there anything else? Mm-hmm. And wife says yes or no to that. If she says yes, she explained anything else. Okay. Then at the end, listener says, thank you and doesn't say anything else. Hmm. Okay. Thank you. Then we switch it because what happens is the listener wants to lend rebut what was said and all this kind of stuff, but no, no, no.

They can't do it. That you just have to repeat it. That's where the ask for clarification comes in, right. And those kinds of things. And then at the end it's just, thank you. And then after both of them have done that, we give 'em a period of 15 to 20 minutes and you, you kind of sit and don't, don't talk about it.

And then we come back and I'm just telling you, it's, it's a really amazing practice. Yeah. I didn't come up with it. It's a psychological coaching practice, but so when you're asking for clarification, it's really good. And that shows your spouse that you really care about understanding. Yeah. And the last one is recap the conversation, which is exactly, no, we got the number six is ask open-ended questions.

So, so that's, yep. I actually skipped that one because we, we covered it in clarification. Did we really? But that you're gonna ask questions, but you're Yes. In his list it's ask open-ended questions. Yeah. And then, which is exactly what we just talked about. And then the seventh one is, recap the conversation.

See Tori, you're so much smarter than I am recapping the combo. Is is really good. That was that persistent brain. Nope. You skipped one. I'm sitting here looking at my list. I'm like, there we are. Right there. And see you guys. Rather than Tori and I editing that out. We'll believe it. Just so you guys can see how we work through our own little situations.

Things are very. Like, you know, more black and white for you. And I'm like, well, we just kind of summed that up. You're right. So that's moving on. We don't have much time. So you guys know, Tori and I were about to go hit a, a nice little workout, but we did this podcast first. And so she's got the book with the list and I wrote down the list and uh, I'm a one on Enneagram.

Do it the right way. Yeah. So I'm like, okay, so we can't go from number five to number seven. Tour. We got Where's number six? Dear Lord, give me number six. That's really funny. Um, so Tori's a nine. And so what she's learned to be is more assertive. Mm-hmm. Because as a one, I'm like, no, it has to be perfect.

And then she's like, no, shut your pie hole. It doesn't have to be perfect. So we've had to learn to Yep. To do that with each other. So, um, can, can you give the seven strategies? Yep. One more time. Read through. So you're gonna give feedback to show your listening. Allow for periods of silence. Repeat back what's been said.

Be neutral and non-judgmental. Ask for clarification. Ask open-ended questions and recap the conversation. Yeah, I love that. So it's recapping through that conversation. It's making sure that you guys are listening, you're speaking, you're doing everything that you can to be the most active listener who's seeking to understand more than being understood.

And when you do that, Listen, your, your, your relationship is going to go to a whole new level. So good. I love that. Um, I just wanted to read one more verse as I was praying this morning about this, um, that I just think is so important to keep in mind when you're, um, when we're talking about communication in Colossians four, six, it says, let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

And it just so good looking at. That seasoned with salt. Salt is an enhancer, right? Yeah. So when you're using salt on a meal, you're using it to make what you're, to make that food more palatable. Hmm. To be, to make it better, to make it enjoyable, right. Yeah. And I just think it's so important to keep that in mind.

Like what, what you're saying, season it with salt, be gracious with your words. It can be, I, I don't think that we. Fully understand how powerful words are. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I know for me, like even looking back on my childhood and like looking at back at my life, there are things that I have to like unlearn.

Mm-hmm. Because of certain words Yeah. That were sa, that were spoken, and then just the power of like the words that you have spoken over my life. Mm-hmm. When I look back on, on our marriage, like some of the things that you have said to me have spoken such life to me. Um, and they've just been literal life to my body.

Yeah. And so I just think it's so important to keep that in mind that our words are really, really powerful. They have, what's that one? Um, the power to give life. Yeah. Uh, I, I forget, but, but I mean, your words bring life or death. Yeah. The power of is in the tongue. You speak and you will get out what you speak in.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. So you speak those words of life over your spouse, so important and watch what you'll get out of it. Exactly. Are you doing a, do you have a recipe or anything for us? Yes. So my friend Brittany shared a recipe with me at the beginning of the week, and it's a two ingredient donut. That you make in, um, the air fryer.

And so, um, all it is is self-rising flour and, um, Greek yogurt. Mm-hmm. And so, They actually are so good. You can make a donut out of them or you can make little bagel bites. Mm-hmm. And, um, instead of doing self-rising flour, I made my own flour. And there's any kind of flour that you wanna use. If you wanna use almond flour, if you wanna use, um, gluten-free flour, whatever flour you wanna use, you can easily find a recipe for self-rising online.

And so I did it, uh, with um, kamut, which is a pretty healthy organic. Yep. And so I made my own all purpose, which was just a cup of flour, one and a half teaspoon of baking powder, and the fourth of a teaspoon of salt. So it's super easy to make. And then you just mix that all together. And then it's equal parts flour to, um, Greek yogurt.

I don't even know what that means, but that's cool. Equal parts, like three-fourths of a cup of, of flour to three-fourths of a cup of. Greek yogurt. Oh God. That's actually the actual recipe is three-fourths, I think. Next time I'll just do a cup and a cup. Okay. Because it'll make a few more extra donuts.

And then you basically just roll those, roll those little balls into little balls. And you spray them with like coconut. Yeah. Um, uh, a coconut spray, like Trader Joe's has like a coconut spray and then you roll it in cinnamon. You pop those babies into the air fryer and ballgame. Oh my gosh. You, you can, you bake 'em for like eight minutes?

Yeah. At 360. And they are really, really good. Thank you, Britney. Thank you. Britney Point. And Lundy loves the little, um, bagel bites from Dunking Donuts, so I'm gonna try them as, as, um, bagel Bites tomorrow. Oh, that's good. And you can put some. Everything but the bagel seasoning on 'em. Let's do this, this, this might be a new staple.

I like it. Well guys, thanks for hanging out with us. We're talking all about communication today and next week. Um, we are going to be talking about assertiveness. So that's, that's one. I'm just gonna, you know, let Tory just talk to you guys and maybe I'll keep my mouth shut. Just let her be assertive with it.

Okay. I'm ready. Okay. All right. Hey, thanks for hanging out with us. Listen, if you haven't been to our website, beauty and, taking our five day challenge, go take it. It's free, it's fun. And uh, otherwise follow us on socials. Um, yeah, that's it. We'll see you guys next week. That's all I got. We'll see you.

Peace. See you guys.