Beauty in Battle Podcast

Three Goals For Your Marriage

January 03, 2023 Episode 51
Three Goals For Your Marriage
Beauty in Battle Podcast
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Beauty in Battle Podcast
Three Goals For Your Marriage
Jan 03, 2023 Episode 51

A dream written down is a goal. A goal broken down is a plan. 

While this is true in every aspect of life, one of the areas which we often fail to have goals is in our marriage. So in this episode, we're going to talk about three specific goals that will help you connect deeper with your spouse. 

These three goals, when applied consistently, will foster the most healthy environment for your marriage to flourish. 

Happy new year!

Show Notes Transcript

A dream written down is a goal. A goal broken down is a plan. 

While this is true in every aspect of life, one of the areas which we often fail to have goals is in our marriage. So in this episode, we're going to talk about three specific goals that will help you connect deeper with your spouse. 

These three goals, when applied consistently, will foster the most healthy environment for your marriage to flourish. 

Happy new year!

So today we're talking about three goals for marriage. This is our first podcast in the new year 2023, and since everybody's talking about goals and visions and like New Year's resolutions and all that kind of junk, we figured that maybe we get together and we'll talk a little bit about maybe some goals.

Yes. Happy New Year everyone. 2023. That just sounds really weird. Yeah, it does. More weird than normal. We got married in 2000 every year. It feels weird, but that feels even weird. 2023. We got mod married in 2000. So for us to have thought 2023, that sounds like we'd be flying around in jets and cars and that kind of stuff.

Yeah, it's crazy. Hey, and we started watching this really cool, um, series 1883 mm, which is the precursor to Yellowstone. Now we do watch Yellowstone, but we do it on Vid Angel. because we can't watch Yellowstone if it's not, it's edited. Like it's really rough. Yeah, it's pretty raunchy. So, but we watch it on Vid Angel, so that got us interested in Yellowstone stuff.

And 1883, you don't have to watch on Vid Angel, but we're only three episodes in, but we were just looking, it was only 150 years ago. Yeah. 1883. And they had no technology like we have now. And just thinking what 25 years from now is gonna look like. It's just crazy. But anyway, this is how hard life was back then.

We were talking to our kids about it today, like it's. Only 150 years ago in life was just completely, they resembled nothing. Yeah. I don't know where it was, what I was gonna say, but yeah. , nothing like, whatever. But we did, we brought our kids out today and we, we talked about goals and we told 'em about how important it is to, to have a dream, you know, a dream written down as a goal, a goal broken down as a plan.

And, uh, and we taught our kids, you know, today, write down what your goals. And then let's break it down, make it into a process, and then claim proverb 16 three, which is commit your work to the Lord and then your plans will succeed. So you may or may not get the thing that you're pushing for, that you're aiming for, but you will get something cuz all hard work brings a profit.

So we're trying to get our kids to do that stuff. And then I was talking with Torres, said, Hey, let's talk goals today on our podcast. And so there are three specific goals we wanna give you, but before we do that, um, Tori has a little song for you. We do. So it was our anniversary, this. and Allie, our oldest daughter, she posted something on social media with this song.

Yeah. And some pictures of mom and dad and it's Billy Holiday. I'll be seeing you. It's one of our favorites. Yes. And she knows that. And I thought it was so sweet that she thought of it. Um, but it's from the Notebook, which is an awesome love sound soundtrack. If you don't have the the Notebook soundtrack, you gotta get it.

It's so good. So Jason, do a little teaser of Of Billy Holiday. Yeah. All right. So I'll be seeing you. This is.

I be seeing you in all the old familiar places. Now the reason why I love that is because if you really want romance in your marriage, you gotta go to some old school songs. That's right. Like that. You would think, oh, that, that song, you know, that's not very cool or whatever. No, no, no. It is cool. Get alone after the kids are in bed.

If you got kids in the house, turn off all the lights, turn a little candle on and dance in the kitchen to that song with your spouse. Yeah. Like hug each other for as long as the song lasts and just listen to the words. It's so good. It's so cool. If you like to cook like me, put on Pandora Billy Holiday when you're cooking.

Oh, that's true. Jake would say it's a vibe. It is a vibe. You know what else is a vibe? Since Tory's such a cook, go to Pandora and, and, um, put on the station, um, Italian cooking music. Yeah, that's also good. That is a good vibe. But anyway, we're not talking about cooking music right now, but what we do wanna talk about are goals, um, and we're gonna give you three, but let me just say this real quick about goals.

Uh, we talk a lot about this on expert ownership, our entrepreneurial training company, but we talk about goals. Most people recognize that goals need to be smart. S m a r t specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time bound. So the three that we're gonna share with you for your. Have all five of those components.

They're specific, they're measurable, they're attainable, they're realistic, and they're time bound. Um, and so here's what I love about this because, you know, in our business, in our physical life, in every other aspect of our lives, we have goals. You know, businesses, I think about businesses every single day.

uh, people in the business are talking with each other. Mm-hmm. , and then every week they're having certain meetings, and then e annually there's typically a party or a get together or something. Yeah. You know, so they get into a rhythm that, and that allows the business to move forward. Yeah. You know, physically we have goals.

We, we, we meet at certain times during the day to, you know, go to workout or whatever the case may be. We eat certain things and, and eat it at certain times in certain quantities. So we gotta write that stuff out. Well, Tori and I made it easy for you, and you guys have heard us probably say these three things before, but I'm gonna say 'em again and then we're gonna break 'em down.

Three things that you want in your marriage, three things that are gonna help you immensely, and here's some goals for you. Okay? Ready? Number one, daily digest. Number two, weekly date. Night number three. Annual, overnight. I love that. It's that simple. Yeah, it's three steps. Very simple for you guys. Okay? You want a a, a daily digest.

In 2023, you want a weekly date night, and you want an annual overnight. Okay, now let's, let's look at these, let's break it down. Let's break it down like Jane. Okay? Uh, let's look at your daily digest. Let's start. Here's what you wanna do with, with a daily digest. You, you wanna make sure that you and your spouse on a daily basis are digesting what happened throughout the day, right?

And, and I like to say, have your daily tea. T e. I love it. You know, you know me and Tee so I can remember that. You know, it's so funny cuz Tori and I, we just finished our second, uh, marriage course of which we're gonna be releasing both, um, in February of this year. Our first is a five day marriage challenge, and then that moves into a 14 part marriage course.

So be, be looking, be on the lookout for that. But when we filmed those, , um, both times, , as I'm looking back and post, I'm looking at all the videos. Tori's got her tea in her hand the whole time. like it was, I'm like, I've got my laptop, she's got her tea. Mm-hmm. , well, one is in the middle of winter and I'm freezing all the time.

Yeah. And two, I have to have like five cups of tea a day. She does. I think that's what keeps you thin. You, you're, you drink more. She drinks so much tea. It's not even funny, but it's terrible when we have to go on a road trip because we are having to stop, stop a lot her to take leaks all the time. Mm-hmm.

But so Tori's from the north, so she's a tea connoisseur. She knows all the tea, she knows how to do fancy tea. She knows how to do all that kind of stuff. So when it comes to our daily digest, I like to think about having your daily or nightly tea, whatever you wanna call it, and whenever you wanna do it.

Yeah. Okay. T e a. Okay. And here it is. Education, appreciation, touch education, appreciation. With touch, you need to touch each other. Mm-hmm. a hold of the hand. A hand on the shoulder, whatever. It's like there needs to be the touch, but then there's the education piece that is where you talk about stuff that happened during the day that you don't know.

Yeah. Like so if Tori was homeschooling there for a long time, I was off at my. We had that oh, for like 12 years where I'm at the office, Tory's homeschooling. And so what, what we would do is we'd come home and whenever, you know, obviously whenever I was coming home for the first time, my kids would, you know, flock on me.

They were around Tory the whole time. So there was nothing about me and Tori hanging out at that point, you know, it was just me with the kids. And, uh, and then, but by the time the kids got bathed up and, and sh and put in, put in bed and all that kinda stuff, then we would come together and have our little.

tea. Now I didn't drink the tea, but, but this is where we, that that education piece was. Now I need to tell her about my day. She needs to tell me about her day. Things that we don't know, like it's education. Right? And then it ends in appreciation. So touch and appreciation are the book ends. Education is the middle.

And uh, and Tori brought up a really good point because as we were talking through this before we, we jumped on here, she said, actually you say what you said about touch. I was just saying how I think the biggest. Has for me with touch has been, um, where it's going. , . Um, I think touch is so important and I've had to learn and practice, learn, uh, practice the mindset that I don't need to feel overwhelmed.

Yeah. With. What could come from touch? Because I'm afraid that you're going, you're gonna be going somewhere. Poor girl. That I'm not willing to go every time we touch . Funny, but we've been overly communicative about this and, and um, kind of just worked through it. And I, but I'm telling you like it's, yeah.

Even, even this week, you know, as much practice as I feel like I have put into this, yeah. I still have to really coach myself. Do not resist touch because you're afraid of where it might go. . . This is so funny. It is funny, but it's not funny sometimes. Sometimes it's overwhelming and it feels, I, I can feel the tension just in my body, like, oh, I don't wanna hold his hand, because then he might, well, it's not wanna rub my shoulders, and then he's gonna wanna go somewhere with it.

Well, I think that that's also. Something that we men and we husbands have to make sure that you feel safe, right? That not every time that you actually hold our hand or reach out and touch our arm, you know, like, because it can, it's gonna lead something, feel like rejection to you if you're reaching out for, you know, you.

Um, I think that some people are more physical touch in their love language. Yeah. Which you are. And so for you it's just a loving expression. It's something to feel connected and if I'm not careful, and, um, and, and react out of fear. Of it going somewhere that I'm not willing for it to go in that moment, then I can really express rejection to you by not, um, not moving towards that bid.

Yeah. Like we've talked about bids before. Oh yeah. And so there's two things that you can do with this, and this is what I have to do myself. The first is make sure that you guys are very clear about your sexual. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go back and listen to, um, our podcast titled Let's Talk About Sex Part Parts One and part two, we talk about the importance of, of establishing your sexual rhythm.

If it, is it gonna be every two days? It gonna be once a week. Is it gonna be on Mondays and Fridays? ? I mean, I don't know, whatever. Y'all figure that out and you establish that upfront. And what that does is that manages expectations. Yeah. So disappointment is the gap between expectation and reality. So establishing your rhythm and being open with that.

Is the first thing that you do. The second thing, and this is really good for what Tori does, is where you have to be open with communication. Mm-hmm. . So Tori and I can, can be, you know, let's say, so our rhythm, let's just say it's three days every, every third day or whatever. Well, if it's the second day or the first day after then and we're, we're doing our nightly tea, t e a, there's Rocky.

You can hear him barking in the background. You can hear our nightly tea or. , uh, we're gonna do our nightly tea, which touch education appreciation, and Tori and I reach out and hold hands or whatever. She can actually be open and say, okay, so you, this isn't, this isn't leading to something. Right. You know, we, we laugh about it or whatever.

But being able to be open like that then makes her feel more at ease. Yeah. And I think too, just being self-aware, I think for me, I. Aware. Now that one, I don't, if I don't like things, uh, hanging over my head, if I feel like there's something that needs to be done, it feels like stress to me. And so That's funny.

Yeah. It, but for me, if I feel like you're going in a direction that I'm like, oh, now this is something, like, this is not in our, in our rhythm, but I feel like you're going that way. And then it feels like pressure. Like, okay, there's something. That I now need to do that. I wasn't, yeah. Wasn't really on, on the agenda.

And I don't know that we can do this because, you know, this is, I've had kids hanging all over me all day long and all this kind of stuff, but now that I'm aware of it, it's like I sometimes when when you're unaware, you just respond. You just react out of, that's the point that feel that feeling inside that you just have naturally felt over and over, and then you feel like stressed about and you're like, don't even know what you're stressed about.

Yeah. But now I know, oh, you know what I'm. Stressed because I'm putting something on. Really? I ought not put on on me and Jason's not even putting on me. Yeah. But because of just my natural way of thinking, which is, oh, is this another thing on my to-do list? I have to, you know, I have to relax and be like, yeah, in practice this is something like, you know, we're just constantly learning ourselves and practicing new patterns.

So where my old pattern would be like, oh my gosh, that this, now there's something else that we gotta, I gotta be thinking about and we're, now I can relax and. . Okay. I can talk to Jason about this. I can, I don't need to put added pressure that's really not there. It's just, you know, a, a habit of my life has been, if there's pressure, um, just to, to fall into that, that kind of, um, yeah.

Overwhelm. So your daily digest involves tea. So have tea together. Tea, e a touch, educat. appreciation. Now the touch, we spent a little more time on touch. Obviously education is simply catch up with each other on the day, right? And then end it with appreciation. You know that appreciation, gratitude is what draws you close.

It's enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts of praise. That's what Psalm 100 tells us to do with God. So appreciation. You guys have heard us talk so much about Appreci. But just to be able to say, Hey, I'm thankful for something. You know, to you, you've thought some thankful thoughts throughout the day and then you communicate those to your spouse before you go to bed.

That is so powerful. Yeah. When you have the education sandwiched in between a touch and appreciation, it is powerful. Now let me just say one more thing about touch before I jump onto our weekly date night. Cause I have some good things. On weekly date night. Do you know there's such a thing called touch starvation?

It it, they also call it skin. Oh wow. Like, and. It's been around for a long time, but it really became big when Covid happened and we had social distancing. Wow. And they found that people were experiencing touch starvation, that people needed to be touched. So I started looking it up. You know, obviously I'm a researcher by nature, but just listen to some of the stuff I read from some psychological articles.

Um, skin is the largest organ in your body and sends good and bad touch sensations to your brain. When you engage in pleasant touch, like a hug your brain releases a hormone called oxytocin. So we've talked a lot about that. That's the bonding chemical. Mm-hmm. This makes you feel good and firms up emotional and social bonds while lowering anxiety and fear.

Wow. This is why when you guys get to the, like we're talking about your, your daily tea, te. , when you get to the education piece, make sure that you've had touch. And what that does is it automatically bonds you closer together and it lowers anxiety and fear. Mm-hmm. , your husband may have had a hard day at work.

The you, uh, wife may have had a difficult day, you know, at your job or whatever it is that you're doing. The first thing that you need to do is lower the anxiety levels. Yeah. Well, how do you do that? Touch? Yeah. It says it right here. This reaction begins at birth. When babies are born, doctors suggest that mothers hold and comfort them to promote healthy develop.

this human to human interaction keeps us, keeps up throughout our lives, even in adulthood. Human touch helps regulate sleep. Digestion builds your immune system and fights infection. Wow. Now listen to this. When you don't get enough physical touch, you can become stressed, anxious, or depressed as a response to stress.

Your body makes a hormone call cortisol. This can cause your heart rate, blood pressure, muscle tension, and breathing rate to go up with bad effects for your immune and digestive systems, which basically means you'll start gaining weight. Wow. Apart from touch. In 1966, a psychologist named Sidney Gerard conducted a field study of couples sitting in coffee shops around the world.

So he traveled around the world and he went and he did research for couples. Listen to this, he found that in the Puerto Rican capital San. Couples touched each other by handholding backs, stroking, hair caressing, or knee padding on an average of 180 times an hour. Wow. So a couple would go and they would sit down for coffee for an hour.

Yeah, yeah. And touch each other. 180 times in Paris, it was 110 times. In Gainesville, Florida it was twice. And in London, England, it was never what? Yes. And here's the thing. Wow. The research showed that it, in America and Europe, they experienced touch starvation higher than any other countries. Wow. So this is a big deal.

So I know that we, I've spent a lot of time talking about touch. Yeah. It is a massive deal. I wonder why, did it talk about why, how it had gotten to that point? Yes. Like are we afraid of touch? It's social taboo. So you're exactly right. And you hear about, people talk about this all the time, no pda, no public display of affection.

Right? Well, they they don't care about that over there in Puerto Rico. Yep. Do you know what I'm saying? Like mm-hmm. there, there's certain cultures where they don't talk about pda. There's no such thing. Now obviously you don't be salivating all over each other where somebody has to tell you to get a room, but you do need touch.

Yeah. You know? Wow. So it's important so that, that touch is important. Okay. So there you go. When, so in our. Thing that you need to do when it comes to goals. So you're gonna have that daily digest and that digest looks like your daily or nightly tea, t e a touch education appreciation. Now let's look into number two, weekly date night.

So I, I, I love this because I was looking up, um, some stuff on date nights cuz Tori and I love our date night. But I was reading this marriage blog, uh, it's one of my favorites on Preparing Rich. And they said that there are six main date nights that everybody needs to. In their repertoire and I thought, oh, okay.

This is good. I wanna share this with the folks. Okay. So yeah, this is really good. The first one, the at home date. Mm-hmm. , obviously this happens most of the time when you got young. You don't wanna spend the money on a babysitter or whatever, but you do wanna put a new bed and you wanna do something at not either get getting some cocktail attire.

Mm-hmm. , get, get a bistro table in your room, set it up, do a candlelight dinner mm-hmm. and enjoy it that way. Or stay in your PJ's. Yep. You know, order in, do you're in bed and, and that specific dinner, I tell you we've, we've said this and so many people are thanking. Get the gluten free pizza from Domino's Dominoes with mushroom.

No red sauce. No red sauce. Make it one the butter. Garlic sauce. Yes, that's the base. You have to get that. Well, thank us . It was so good. So that's the o at home date. Then there's the spontaneous date. This one's important because in dating, uh, before you guys got married, spontaneity was one of the things that keeps your love growing.

and, but we get married and it's like everything is so routine. Yeah. You know, regimented and scheduled. But the spontaneous date, and what I found the best spontaneous date is a lunch. It's like, hey, just let's just go to lunch, you know, or whatever. Obviously you have to figure out a way. If you got young kids mm-hmm.

you know what's gonna happen with the kids. So it's the spontaneous date. Then there's the reconnection. , this is where you, you maybe it's been a little bit and there's, you know, there, there's a little bit of distance between you and the whole reason you're going on the date is to reconnect. Mm-hmm. , this is, that's, that's an important one.

Um, I like this next one, the fourth one, the something new date. This is where you, you wanna do something that you don't typically do for Tori and I, that would be like going to, um, sky. . We haven't done that, but that's a skydiving place where you don't have to jump out of a plane. Oh, I can do that. I would consider that , but not jumping out of a plane.

No, it's like pushing your limits kind of thing. Mm-hmm. , you know where you, that's fun. You go do a little date like that. That's the something, new date. Mm-hmm. . Then you have the traditional date. That's the thing that you always do. For Tori and I, our traditional date, what is it? , what would you say? Well, probably e uh, not well E noodles.

Probably E noodles and ease. Mm-hmm. , it has to do something with an Asian fusion type sushi place. You're such a good husband. . Now for me, I'm always like, does not love, um, Asian, but he's such a great sport. With that, I would like to, I'm always like, let's do the, the something new date. Yes. Let's go to a new steak place Steak.

And if you ever do one of our marriage intensives, you will get the finest steak that you've ever had. Okay. So that's the traditional date. And then the sixth one they said is the all out date. This is where you throw caution to the wind. Uh, spare no expense so long as you can and just do something fancy and awesome.

That's fun. Yep. Right. I love it. That's so good. Yeah. So those are six different dates, but then I would throw in a seventh a day date where it's not just at night. And it's not just a lunch, it's an spontaneously day. Yeahs an all day thing. Yes. And I love this and I, I don't wanna send That's so cute. Um, you, when you said that there were these, um, two of our neighbor kids were, um, outside with their grandparents and they're like, Someone was just telling us one of the kids.

Yeah, David was telling us, he's like, they were walking past them. Where are your parents? They're on a day date today. So my grandparents are watching us. They dropped us off. They'll leave us all day long. But I love that people need that. Um, I wanna give a shout out to, um, one of our mentor couples that we're taking through our mentorship program, uh, Zach and Andy Woodridge.

And I just love this because, um, when you're talking about a day, , you, you really need to find something that you guys really like doing together. Mm-hmm. , like some type of hobby, like for Tori and I, we'll do a day date and we'll drive to Blowing Rock North Carolina. That's about an hour and 45 minutes from us, and we'll find a good hiking place and we'll hike and then we will end up, you know, going and eating dinner in downtown Blowing rock later that night.

But, That's our favorite thing. Uh, Zack and Andy, what they like doing is, um, kite boarding. Mm-hmm. and we talked about that before. Yeah. We talked about it last week. Yeah. But they just took the day. Yeah. Spontaneously. And they do that often. Really. I think they do it, you know, a couple times a month. Right.

Yeah. But the beauty of that is that it makes them feel connected when they're done. The shared activity. Shared activities are so important in marriage, especially for the man. We've been doing the SIMBI test Oh gosh. With couples, gosh, for years. Gosh. And one of the things that they cover, that's they, they talk about through research in, in marriages for over, I don't even know how many years.

Yeah. They have found that for the man, a shared activity is crucial. Yeah. To him feeling connected to his wife. Oh yeah. Gotta have that. So that, that, that's our date night. So we've got the Daily Digest, which involves your tea, remember? Touch education appreciation. Then you've got the weekly date night.

Make it happen. Go out once a week if you can't, and it doesn't have to cost you any money. And the third is an annual overnight. now Tory, and I gotta admit, uh, there were, there were a few years where we didn't do an overnight, not once, because our kids were so young. Mm-hmm. , of course, they're all strong, a personality type kids.

So, you know, there were a few years where we didn't get to do that, but for the most part, as long as we could help it, we always did an, an annual overnight. Mm-hmm. . And here's what I love about the annual over. Um, that it gives you something to look forward to with your spouse. Like, here's what I would do, and, and Tori and I have done this, like, sit down, make a list of the places that you'd like to go to together.

Mm-hmm. , like one of ours, when we first got married, we always wanted to go to Italy together, so I'm like, let's go to Rome. And then we discovered that Florence is actually the place for lovers. So we're like, we'll go to Rome, so we're going there, then we're gonna go to Florence. We had that on the list for like a decade.

Mm-hmm. , and then we activated on it. But you know what? Before we went out there, it's like we're. You know, stuff to do in Florence. We're figuring out what we want. Honestly, eat, honestly, it's just as much fun planning those things. Dreaming about those things together are so important. It, yeah. Like Jason said, it took a decade for it to happen.

Yeah. But we dreamed about it. We talked about it. Yeah. We were excited about it together for years and years and years. Yeah. And that's a part, that's a part of it all. Like once we got there, we're like, oh my gosh. We talked about like going on the cobblestone. Take a picture. We're like this, take a picture.

You know, like we were, we talked about, you know, finding a little market and we, this is the market we've, you know. Yeah. Because this looks just like the one we saw in the picture. Yes. It's just all those things are, they're so important to share. To share, and we did that, share those dreams, to share the excitement when to, and I first got married.

This actually before we got married, we thought, we said one day we want to go to London and Paris together. Mm-hmm. . So in our first year of marriage we actually did that. But leading up to that, we watched movies. Yep. That were set in London and Paris. You know, I mean, just think of all the Disney movies, the love stories.

In Disney characters that are set in London or Paris. We watched Nodding Hill. Mm-hmm. . And on nodding Hill, there's the famous blue door, you know? Mm-hmm. on that little flat, you know, the apartment there. So we went and saw the blue door and got a picture in front of it. You know, now for us it's the Amalfi Coast.

It's, it's, there's this lady who's a cook Yes. You know, and we want to go take a class with her. Yep. Mm-hmm. , , we're gonna do it, but it doesn't have to just be, you know, overseas or whatever. We, we obviously. You know where we are in North Carolina, we're blowing rock and Asheville and Banner Elk and Boone, and places like that for us are really important.

Like we love, you know, a, a really good hiking trail. That's, and that's free to do on the Blue Ridge Parkway, right? So, and then we just find a little cabin and then, and then we, we book it and stay in it. So it's those annual overnights. Now, when you get a rhythm like this, Where you've got your daily digest, you've got your weekly date night, you've got your annual overnight.

Here's what we promise at the end of 2023, if you stay on this little process, you will be closer, connected to your spouse, period. It's just gonna happen. . You know, I'm not gonna say there's not gonna be struggles or anything like that, but there will be a deep connection there and you have a lot better chance at succeeding in your marriage, applying these three things.

Mm-hmm. than if you don't. Yep. Right. We talk about in our book that you move towards what you focus on. It's the law of nature. Yeah. Like whatever you're looking, when you're on the road and what you're looking on. Looking at is what you will move towards. Yeah. If you see something on the side of the road and you look too long, you're gonna rear off the road.

Yeah. You're gonna run right into it. Right. And so it's so important that you have these focal points in your marriage. This is what we're moving towards, this is what our goal is, this is what we're looking at. And you know, Jason and I also talk about like, the greatest gift I think in our marriage was that you got your marriage, you got your uh, master's degree in marriage and.

which then opened the door for so many people to come to us. Yeah. And it wasn't it what? What ended up being the greatest gift was not that you had your marriage degree. Yeah. Or you had your master's degree in marriage and family, but that people were coming to us, which made our focus on marriage stronger.

Yeah. And because our focus, we began to focus on it, we began to move. Reading the reading books about marriage. Yeah. You know, talking, talking marriage so much that it became our focus. Yeah. And it grew our marriage. Just like with working out, when it becomes your focus, you're going to get healthier. Yeah.

When you're, when the health of your body is, is in focus, then you're gonna move towards it. When the health of your marriage is in focus, you're going to move towards it. And that is something That's a such a good point. Tour because it, it, this would be helpful. For, for you as you're listening to this in the new year in 2023, uh, most everybody who's listening to this has been married, you know, for a little bit.

Although we do have some folks that aren't married that I know that, that listen to this and one day you will get married. But this is a challenge to those who are married. Um, you always need an upstream and a downstream. Mm-hmm. . You need an upstream, which means that someone is pouring into you. Right? Uh, maybe Tori and I represent that to you, but there need to be other people that, that are pouring into you.

Other couples that can pour into you, but you also need a downstream. Yeah. Why do you need that? Because you have to pour whatever's poured into you needs to be poured through you to others. Right. Find a young couple that's about to get married or maybe is newly married. and invite 'em over. Mm-hmm. and let 'em ask you questions.

And you're like, well, we've only been married for four years. Doesn't matter. Yeah. You're four years ahead of where they are. Yeah, exactly. Tell 'em how you made it through your first year, because that's typically the roughest one. Yeah, exactly. You know, and pour into them and what, what you'll find is what Tori and I found.

That'll help your marriage more than it'll help theirs. It helps your marriage more than It helps. Absolutely. Because you're thinking about it, you're like, oh my goodness. Like you feel a sense of responsibility to help them. Yeah. And to learn for them. And you're like, oh, I need this. Yeah. So good. And, and you'll, you'll feel like, uh, Chris Farley on Tommy Boy, when he is sitting in the , he's a salesman and he is sitting in the restaurant and he can't sell anything.

He just doesn't know how to sell. And he's looking up at the server and he is like, Brenda, let me tell you all the reasons why I stink as a salesman. . And he didn't say stink. So you're, you're sitting in front of those people. You're like, let me tell you all the reasons why we stink as a America. Yeah, exactly.

What we screwed up. Exactly. It'll help you a. Okay. So that's it right there. Okay. Tor, do you have a, um, you got a recipe first? Yes, I have a recipe. Um, it's an egg in sausage casserole, paleo egg and sausage casserole. Super healthy. I think all of us. By the time the new year comes, you're ready for some healthy food.

I know, I'm like craving healthy food because I've just stuffed myself with bad stuff for the last couple weeks and I'm like, my body is craving good food and so this one's such a good one. It's dairy. Um, it's, uh, anyways, I'm gonna share on Jason and Tori Instagram and it's such a good one. Allie had a bunch of her friends over and I thought that they were all going to be, um, spending the night.

And so I wanted to have like a really good casserole for them to wake up to. But, you know, mom life, they woke up and all went, went out to brunch. Of course, of course. So Jason and I had this amazing casserole to munch on all week, and it's super healthy. It's has like, Three cups of fresh spinach. Oh. Um, yeah.

Sweet potato. That was good. And just a dozen eggs. And, um, nieces, you can use any kind of sausage, but you know me and I love the local nieces. Sausage is the best. Anyways. It's, it's delicious and it's something great to have in your refrigerator. You've been eaten on it all week. And I have, I've actually eaten so much of it that I have a monster bloat going on.

It's not supposed to bloat you. It's got like, but, but when you eaten way too much. You can get bloated on good food. Well, yeah, you can. You can eat too many eggs too. That's true. And it's a lot of eggs. So anyways, I'm gonna share that on Jason Tory. Yes. Instagram. And it's, it is extraordinarily good. So good job Tor.

All right. Proud of you. Happy we done. Happy New Year, everyone. Yes. We're excited about 2023. Yeah, we are. Because you're gonna do your daily digest, your weekly date night. And your annual overnight. Okay. Boom. No excuses . All right. All right. We'll see you guys soon. See you next time.