Beauty in Battle Podcast

How to Stay Fully Present in Marriage

November 15, 2022 Jason Benham, Tori Benham Episode 46
How to Stay Fully Present in Marriage
Beauty in Battle Podcast
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Beauty in Battle Podcast
How to Stay Fully Present in Marriage
Nov 15, 2022 Episode 46
Jason Benham, Tori Benham

Your presence is the greatest present you can give your spouse! But it's not easy, especially in a day when technology and busy schedules saps our focus and pushes us to the point of mental exhaustion. 

So what do we do?  We can just give up and slide into a relational comfort zone or we can stop what we're doing, take control and do something about it. 

That's what we talk about in today's podcast. We're going to talk about two important keys to experiencing presence in your marriage and five practical steps to stay that way. 


Show Notes Transcript

Your presence is the greatest present you can give your spouse! But it's not easy, especially in a day when technology and busy schedules saps our focus and pushes us to the point of mental exhaustion. 

So what do we do?  We can just give up and slide into a relational comfort zone or we can stop what we're doing, take control and do something about it. 

That's what we talk about in today's podcast. We're going to talk about two important keys to experiencing presence in your marriage and five practical steps to stay that way. 


So today we're talking about how to be fully present in your marriage, and as I like to say, your presence is the greatest present you can give your spouse. That is so good. Boom, Boom. You can use that tour to say, It's so true. Boom Sauce. Yeah. Boom Sauce. That's our phrase, . You guys can use that. Yeah, that's, But it is so true.

It really is. It is the greatest gift that you could give your spouse and, and technology is robbing us of presence. Yeah. Mm-hmm. , and we're seeing it at all time high. That's why Tori and I wanted to spend the next 20 or so minutes talking with you guys about the power of presence, but, but how you can practically be fully present in your marriage.

Now, before we get going. Tori has a song for you. We do. We've got Brett Young. Change your name. This is a country one. Oh, it's so good. It is so good. Ja. Why don't you play the cheese? Okay, here we go. Ready?

This to be Why Only thing about you there. Okay.

Tell me that's not a cool song. The only thing he wants to change is her name. Yeah, that's it. . And that's kind of politically incorrect nowadays. Yeah, because what's to say that he can't change his last name to hers? Yeah. whatever. . . Uh, no. That could go, we go down a rabbit trail trail with that one. Oh, and I would love to do that.

We just had the elections. Um, and last week and just crazy stuff. But anyway, we won't get into that. This is not a political podcast. This is a marriage podcast, but we don't care about being politically correct. a tall, that's, Yeah. Um, anyway, that's a great song. Dance. Dance with your spouse to that song.

Yeah. Change your name. Brett Young. So good. Brett Young. Okay, but we're not talking about Brett Young today. We're talking about how to be fully present in your marriage. Um, and I just the go back to that original quote that I had, that your presence, like your full undivided attention, like your full presence, um, in your marriage is the greatest present that you can give to your spouse.

Yeah. And we all know this as parents too. The greatest present that you can give to your kids is your presence, right? Is to not be distracted. Yep. And it does, Did you wanna say something real quick? Well, I was just gonna say that we, we learned this in our marriage through counseling other couples. Oh man.

And we have a title in our book called Let It Count, Where we, we talk about that story of where God really showed us the power of presence. And, um, yeah, it was just, you know, as, as we have mentioned several times, um, Jason has his master's degree, marriage and family, which led us to having over, you know, a.

Or plus couples in our home, the past, you know, 17 years or so. Um, just pouring their heart out and we're just like, you know, little birds perched a pie, like, Oh wow, we do that . Yeah. Yeah. And, um, I think, you know, we talk a lot about emotional intelligence and I think the Bible really helps us and, and through the, the scripture in Matthew.

Seven five that says, First take the plank out of your own eye and then you will see clearly, clearly to remove the spec from your brother's eye. That's like emotional intelligence 1 0 1. If you want self-awareness. Look around, you we're 90, I think science shows that we're 99.98% wired. The exact same.

Like all people. All people. Yeah. And so we're a lot more alike than we are different. We now, we, you know, because of nurture and nature and all these things, like we are gonna manifest very differently. We're gonna present ourselves very differently. Mm-hmm. . But we're, we're a lot alike. And you can learn a lot.

Watching other people and, and seeing their response and your, and you can ask God, Okay, like, you know what? I see something here. Do I do this? Yeah. And that's how God can bring so much awareness. Um, Through people. Yeah. And, um, so there was this, this couple, Hey, before we get into that couple mm-hmm. , can I give an example of my mom?

Yes. Yeah. She, uh, on her death bed, she was in the hospital and now my mom had been a nurse and so she kind of understood, you know, medical practice and all that kind of stuff. So when she's on her death bed, she, she died October, uh, 2017, October 11th, 2017, which was the day before my birthday. But she, she, before she pass, I remember she was in the hospital for probably what, two, like 13, 14 days?

Yeah. Like almost two weeks. And, um, they came in and discovered that she had pulmonary fibrosis, which is scarring of the lungs, and it was irreversible. And basically they just said, We need to be talking about comfort measures at this point. Right. And comfort measures basically meant you're gonna die with dignity.

Mm-hmm. . So let's give you morphine and you'll just go to sleep and then you'll never wake up. Right. Well, my mom 100% said no morphine. Right. She did not want morph. And we're like, Mom, why not? Like, we don't want you to suffer. Like she was even at that point, she had an oxygen mask on and she was kind of had a hard time speaking, but we were able to kind of make out what she was saying.

But she knew that morphine would put her to sleep and she didn't want her last days to be spent sleeping. Yeah. She wanted to be fully present with her family. We actually watched her suffer. They, they gave her enough medication where she physically wasn't suffering, Like, she didn't feel like, like sharp pain or anything like that, but she did have a hard time breathing.

But she would open her eyes and say, We, we would come around for the last, you know, three or four days of her life and all of family and, and her closest friends. This is before c. So we were allowed to be in the hospital and we did praise and worship, and she got a chance to hold each one of the grandkids hands and, and we'd be singing praise and worship.

And then she'd open her eyes and we'd see her look around the room. And you could tell in that moment she was taking every one of us in. She was taking it all in. Mm-hmm. , but, but not just her taking us all in. She was allowing us to take her in. Yeah. Like we could still see little bits and pieces of her personality, but if she had taken morph, Then she would've just been asleep and we wouldn't have been blessed with her presence.

Yeah. Now, you know, of course, fast forward, I'm, I'm always like, Well, if I'm in that position, I'm taking the morphine, I'm going to sleep. But my mom, she's strong, high pain tolerance. But you know, that gift that she gave us mm-hmm. . was the gift of her presence. Yeah. It was just so interesting to see how important that was to her.

Mm-hmm. , that she just over and over just kept reiterating that I do not want the morphine. Yeah. You know, just please make sure that I'm the one giving the, Okay. Don't make the decision for me. I'd like to make this decision on my own. Yeah. Because she wanted to be there with us as long as she possibly could.

And it reminded me of the scripture in Mark 15 where Jesus was at the cross and he, uh, was offered, um, wine mixed with. That was the painkiller of the day, that that could have been like the morphine that put him to sleep and he, he didn't take. He's like in the moment of his greatest pain, he's like, I'm going to be fully present.

Wow. In this moment. And it was tough. So I think the greatest gift that we can give to our spouse is full undivided presence, but it's always under attack. Yeah, that's right. And so, yeah, like as I was, I was mentioning earlier, we had a couple and they taught us this and um, it really has been life changing for me.

Ever since we had this encounter with them, I have thought of the phrase, Let it count. And I'll explain in a minute, just almost on a daily basis. It's actually the title of that chapter. What chapter number is that? It's Chapter 15. Chapter 15 in our book. Yeah. And so this, this couple came and there was just a lot of conflict going on in, in their life and in their marriage.

And, um, the biggest pain point for them was that the wife really felt like the, the husband was not fully present. That was her biggest pain point. And as we began to dig in, um, she, we kind of were like, Okay, well give us, kind of bring us into your day. What does it look like? And she began to explain, you know, that, or actually I think he began to explain, He said, You know, I wake up around five 30 in the morning to get some work done.

Mm-hmm. , and then, and to spend time with the Lord and to spend time with the Lord. And just to start my, my, my day out with the Lord. And to get on top of my day. And, um, and we're like, Okay, what are, you know, what are you to the wife? What are you doing at this point? She said, Well, I, I sleep in, I have, she had some health.

Um, issues. And so she really needed more sleep. And sleep, you know, was a really big priority for her in that time of her life because of her health issues and okay, keep going. And he said, And then, um, I wake up all the kids and I get them already for school, and I get them breakfast, and then I do a devotion with the kids.

And, and we're like, Okay, so make their lunches and make their lunches. Drive them to school, right? Drive them to school. And there's like several kids in this family. So then he had to come home, bring the other set of kids to a different school on the other side of town. And you know, then I go to work and, and I just remember Tori stopping him in the middle of it, and she says, Okay.

So you've done all this before, like eight 30 in the morning and she Right before your wife has woken up. Yeah. Well that's when you looked over at the wife and you're like, And you're in bed at this time, right? Mm-hmm. . And she's like, Yeah. And she, yeah. She said, Yeah, but you know, he's, I've never been a morning person.

He's a morning person. This, it just works best for him to do these things, you know? And so we're like, Okay, keep going. I'm wishing the guy would stop explaining all this cuz I didn't do any of that. I know. I'm like thinking, Wow. Dang girl, you got it made. Yeah. So, you know, then he goes to work and then he says, And then I stop by the store on the way home to grab dinner to get, you know, I usually, I usually grill something for dinner and, and I'm like, Is this accurate?

I'm looking at her, I'm like, Is this accurate? And she's like, Yeah, this is pretty much what our date, you know, looks like. And I'm like thinking, Okay, I'm, what am I missing? You know, like, . And then I'm like, Okay. Then they come home from work, you do dinner, and she's like, And that's when the problem starts, you know, after dinner.

He's just really not fully present. Yeah. Like, I'm not really, he's not really there with me. I can't really connect with him. And um, you know, I'm just kind of like thinking, okay, I kind of can see the problem pretty quickly. Like, but didn't, you know, didn't wanna ruffle too many feathers up front. But I said, Listen, I'm, you know, I'm from one non morning person to another.

What he's doing is a lot. Huh? Like what he, him waking up and doing all this? That's quite a bit. And she's like, Yeah, but he's, you know, he's a morning person. I'm not a morning person. I require more sleep. And he says, you know, but it just feels like some of that should count. Yeah, I remember. I remember very distinctly.

I'm saying some don't, I just feel like some of it should count. It should count for something and, Right. Yeah, exactly. And so we just as we went deeper into the conversation, I, we started asking kind of like, Why doesn't that count? Why don't the things that he, he does do? Mm-hmm. count. I think it was really eyeopening for, for her as well to see, Oh, you know what?

I don't really let those things count. Yeah. And um, and so I remember that evening the Lord had really been convicting me as, you know, through that scripture in Matthew, like I mentioned, Matthew seven, five, um, to take the plank out of your own eye. Cuz in my mind I was like, this just seems so obvious, you know, to me that, that there is no gratitude.

Like she's not operating outta gratitude. And. And the Lord, I was like, God, do I do this? Do I, do I, do I not let things count in my life that are just, would be so obvious to everybody else around me, but they're not to me cuz of my blind spots. Yeah. And he was like, Yeah, pretty much Tori. Before you get to that, because I, I want you to share how the Lord kind of rebuked you in terms of, you know, take the plank out of your own eye.

Um, and when I say rebuked, it's not like you were thinking negative thoughts toward her. I do want to give you guys real quick the, the remedy of what we gave her that day when she told us basically that he's a, he's a morning person, this is what he does. Then Tori says, Well, you know, that should count for something.

And we could see this guy was just dejected. And he's like, You know, it is true. Sometimes I do have a hard time, you know, at night, fully engaging. I don't know exactly what it is. Sometimes it might be my work or whatever. And I remember sharing Psalm 100 where God says, Enter my gates with thanksgiving and my courts with praise.

Right. And we've shared this scripture before. Actually we share it several times on this podcast. Uh, and in our book and in our seminars, but we talk about how if you want God's presence, then in the Old Testament you had to go to the temple cuz that's where his presence was. Right? Right. Inside the Holy of Holies.

And this verse here is saying, Enter my gates, like the gates around the temple. Thanksgiving, and then my courts, which is the inner courts of you, you can get into the inner courts where God's presence was with praise. Right? So if you want God's presence, then you have to do it through thanks and praise.

Yeah. Thank him for what he's done. Praise him for who he is, and then you get God's presence. And so I was telling her, and I said, If you want your husband's presence, you have to do that with your husband, right? Thank him for what he does. Praise him for who he is. I said, an acknowledge. A very simple acknowledgement like, Wow, you actually got a lot accomplished with our kids this morning and let me sleep.

Thank you. Yes. And then go move it into praise. You are such a hard worker. Like you're, you're very proactive. Like, tell him who he is and then watch how he's gonna bless you with his presence. Yes. And so I remember her going on and she listened and she went on a little, uh, kind of, um, I don't know if it's a binge or whatever you wanna call it, a gratitude binge where she actually started writing things on their mirror.

She was thankful for. Yeah. It was awesome. And so it really helped them a lot in their marriage. Yeah. But at the same time, like what Tori was saying, you know that scripture is very clear. Take the plank outta your own eye. Yeah. And then you'll see clearly to remove the specs from your others. So Tori and I are, Yeah, thank God we don't struggle with that.

But then God was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. God showed us. I'm so glad that you interrupted me with that important detail in, in the story about, um, Psalms 100 that we enter into his gates with thanksgiving and to his course with praise, because that was, that was the breakthrough wor that was the word that really gave them broke breakthrough in that, in that, um, session together.

And I just remember, think. Lord, do I do this? Yeah. You know, do I, um, do I let things count in my life? And very quickly he said, Yep, you do. Yeah. And um, and he began to show me, I remember there was a particular, it was that weekend. He was really quick to, when you ask the Lord and when you bring him in, you're like, Show me if I do this.

It's like, never pray to God and ask him for patience. . Yeah. Right? Because it'll be a long day for you. He's faithful though. Like he's faithful. If you ask, he's faithful to respond. And he was, he was faithful to respond to that, to that ask in my life. And I'm so grateful that he was. Um, but anyways, you were out of town.

Basically, um, for the first time in my life I had really was experiencing the feelings of loneliness, like when you would leave. Um, the kids were getting a little bit more independent of me, and I wasn't really used to that. I wasn't used to any kind of margin of my life and any kind of space to be alone.

And often when, when you're alone with yourself, You all sorts of things come up in your mind and your mind can really go wild. And that particular evening I was listening to a podcast and they were talking about friendships and how important it was to like, you know, set a time, um, time, set a part time for your friends.

And I find started feeling like maybe I wasn't doing that as much as I should. And you know, how do you incorporate that when you've been out, out of it for so long? All those things. And so I just started really feeling sorry for myself that night. I. Like, just feeling really like, just sorry for myself.

Mm-hmm. . And I remember, um, the next morning I woke up and I, you know, was right back to no margin in the day I was running the kids from sports, sporting events and all these things. I was really busy and, um, I came home. I had just dropped off the boys at some different things and then that came home to be with the girls and my dad was across the street.

He yelled over to me and he is like, Hey, Tori Garland, which my, my middle name is Garland. And I was like, There's his dad. Like, that's what he call, that's, that's, I just, he's always, uh, using my full name. And I was like, kind of chuckled because I was kind of taking it in like, Oh, this is, that's, that's really cool that my dad is next door.

Like, this is cr this is awesome. And I hadn't really taken that in in a while. And then, um, he said, Why don't you come over for some coffee? And as I was walking over, I literally heard the words in my head. Let it count. Yeah, yeah. Let it count. Like this is you, you're feeling, you are feeling lonely. Well, your dad and your mom are next door and they invite you over often and are you letting it count?

Yeah. Like are you really taking them in? Like you have this companionship and Yep. And them, but yet you are feeling awfully sorry for yourself. Y and he just began to reveal to me like how easy it is to not let things count. Like there are good things in your life, but if you don't take them in, if you don't let them count, they're.

They're, the benefits are good for nothing. Mm-hmm. , like you're missing out on so much when you don't let things count. Yeah. And so it was just a real eyeopener for me. And then it, it became something that I just really began to focus on, like what are the areas of my life that I don't let count? What are the areas, what are the things that Jason does for me that I just don't let count?

And what I found is when I went over and I spent time with my dad that morning, there was this in instant connection. Between him and I and um, I was really grateful. Like I was, I remember just being like this, like feeling really grateful and kind of expressing it more than I normally would, and I felt really connected to my dad and I realized that.

That, that there really is power and gratitude when you really feel it, and it sometimes it's not even your words, it's the way that you receive something. It's the way that you are fully present with that person because you're so grateful. Mm-hmm. , and you're actually taking them in and they know you're taking them in because they, they sense that, right?

Yeah. Like they can just tell. and, um, it just, it was just, it was really cool because I felt so connected to my dad that that day and I knew that he felt connected to me because I was letting it count. Yep. I was taking it in. I let it count. And, um, it was just, it was kind of like, okay, now this is my testimony.

You know, the, the talk about, or, uh, Revelations 1211 talks about how we overcome by the blood of the land, by the word of your testimony. And that became my testimony. It's like mm-hmm. , this works when you let things. Yeah. It brings connection. Yeah. And the connection is the, is the result of presence, right.

That, I mean, it's, it's circular, right? Mm-hmm. , it's like your gratitude makes you more present, but at the same time, your presence makes you more grateful. Yeah. So it's, it's circular. Yeah. You know, And so, yeah, and I just, I, I think that, The people in your life, they know if you're letting it count and if you're not letting it count.

Yeah. They just know. And I think that when you begin to live, like it counts. You will get their presence. That's that you're somebody that they want to be around. That's right. If you're constantly, um, if you're just constantly, like not all there, not appreciating things, it's just there's, there's, there's not that magnetism that comes through gratitude and that comes through letting things count.

But they're, they're g. It's truly magnetizing when somebody, when you feel like what you do matters and what you do counts, people are magnetized towards that. Oh yeah. Why would it be any different for your spouse if every time that you're in, you know, coming, coming into contact with them, there's something negative mm-hmm.

and there's something that, that you've done wrong and that they need to correct, and there's just. There's something about that that's like pulls you away. Like, I don't wanna be around somebody who's constantly bringing me down, but when you're around somebody who brings you up and calls you forward.

Yeah. It's magnetizing through gratitude and praise. Yep. There it is. Thanksgiving and praise. And, and so what, what, I do wanna leave you with some practical tips that have helped me, uh, I think have helped Tori, but I wanna give you five quick things, um, because the one thing that keeps us from being fully.

Well, it's not just the one thing, but one of the main things is taking things for granted. So we wanna let it count. Taking Thingss for granted makes you less likable. You just need to know that, right? Like if you don't let it count and you take things for granted, you take another person for granted. You are not a likable person.

Yeah. So you're not gonna get that. You're not gonna get what you need, which is their approval, right? You're not gonna. Their their gratitude. Right. Because you're not showing them gratitude. Yeah. And it's gonna make you less likable. And the problem with that is you're actually not gonna like yourself.

Yes. So, yeah. We often say, um, to couples, Well, what do you want? Yeah. Like, you wanna, you want a strong marriage, you want a marriage, you know, that you feel connected in, You want your spouse to be grateful to you. Yeah. Okay. So what are you doing to get that? Because you do that. Yeah. So if, if you, if you want that in your marriage is what you are.

Giving you that? Yeah. Well, if it's not, then let's fix that. Yeah, that's true. You know, it's like if I really want, I really want a strong marriage, but I feel like I have to correct my husband 18 times a day for every little thing. Don't I don't think that's gonna get you what you want. Yeah. So let me, let me give you these five keys.

Okay. Just five quick things that will help you not take your spouse for granted. It's gonna help you be fully present in your marriage. Okay. Five. Five. Quick keys. Let's do them. Number one, slow. Appreciation is tied to pace. So you've gotta just slow down a little bit. Slow down your thinking, slow down your schedule, get some margin and your time.

That way you can be more grateful. If you're running too fast, you're not gonna have the time to think or appreciate the people who are most important to you, specifically your spouse. Yeah, I like to say to entrepreneurs, run at the pace of your people. Yeah. And your people are your family. Okay. So the first thing you wanna do is just slow down.

Mm-hmm. , just slow down. Number two, keep a gratitude. Now whether that's something that you're actually writing down or it's like what I do where probably once a week or once every two weeks, my, my entire prayer time in the morning is I'm, I'm up. Um, I'm walking outside. It's typically dark and I'm just thanking the Lord for everything that I can think of in terms of, I start from when I was a kid, my earliest memory, thanking the Lord that I was raised in Garland, Texas with two parents that stayed together.

You know, that I had good teachers, I didn't, you know, and, and great coaches. And then I just, and I naming people by name, like Ronnie Littleton and Vernon Littleton and John Keys and Larry Horner and Joey Roach, All of these coaches that were so important to, to, to me and my brother. And then moving to when I met Tori and thanking just like gratitude.

Yeah, that right there, it's like a food log. If you go to a nutritionist, one of the first things they're gonna tell you to do is write down what you eat for a. Just writing it down will help you eat healthier, right? Because you're logging it. So when you're keeping a gratitude journal, either in your mind or or actually writing it down, which actually is a very good practice, it will make you more thankful, right?

So it's slow down. Keep a gratitude journal. Number three, practice saying thank you. Like you actually have to do it like express appreciation, proactively go to a. And the person, the server there is, is serving you or whatever. Be proactive about your gratitude. You know, What's your name? You know John.

John. Thank you. You're doing a good job, buddy. Appreciate it. Like that's a little more proactive than just, he gave you the straw and you said thank you. Mm-hmm. , and I think you do this in your marriage as well. Yeah. It's like be proactive with your gratitude. Yeah. Express it like radically, like it's not just, Hey, thanks for making breakfast.

It's. Hey, thanks for making breakfast. I thanks for always being so awesome that you're making breakfast every morning and I'm not even, I'm not doing it. It's like you're being a little more proactive in the way that you're saying Thank you. Yeah. And that will move you into praise. It'll move you into, you're, you're awesome.

Like, that is so cool. You're so proactive. Yeah. I think that's great. So you're gonna practicing. Thank you. Um, here's a good one. Number four, you're gonna lower expectations. So think about what your spouse does on a consistent basis, okay? That you don't do. Mm-hmm. , then choose to go do it yourself. So let's just say, this is what it was true for me.

Toya always emptied the dishwasher. So I'm thinking early on in our marriage, maybe I should jump in and do that. And then I end up emptying the dishwasher. And you know what I discovered? I hate emptying the dishwasher. Now the one thing I'm. Is I can take the silverware tray and I can do that because I open two drawers and everything that's in those, that silver tray, you know exactly where I know where it goes, goes.

Yeah. Tori, I still, we've been in our house 17 years. I still don't know where everything goes. I know that's bad, but, and I would rather empty everything else out. So he's not asking, where does this go? Where's this go? Where does this go? Yeah. But the thing is, is what, what helped me though is I didn't think.

How grateful I was that Tori emptied the dishwasher until I went and emptied the dishwasher myself. And then I realized so true. Snap. She's good. So that's lowering your expectations. So good. Yep. And so, so that's number four. Lower your expectation and number five. Okay. This one has actually the best one go to your funeral.

Mm. I mean, you don't have to do it every day, but, but once a month or quarter, at least go to your own funeral. This is where you're. You're literally in your mind, you're attending your own funeral, there's your casket, and you're, you're laying in the casket, but you can see everybody walking past you and think about your spouse.

Think about your kids. What do you want them to feel? What, what do you wish you could say in that moment? Then say those things. Yeah. You know what the beauty of going to your own funeral, you know, the scripture says, Teach me to number my days. Yeah. What that's saying is teach me to go to my own funeral Right.

And see what I wanna accomplish at the end of my life and then work backwards. Yeah. In light of that. So good. Um, it's like, uh, there was this study done where they put, um, uh, they put these brain, these, um, nodes on these people's brains. Yeah. And then they had a certain group of people envision a. Then they had the, a different group of people, they were also hooked up to these brain nodes where they could see the brain activity.

They had another group of people actually watch a real sunset, and then they went and they looked at the differences in the two groups and the, And what they discovered was the brain activity was identical in both of them. Wow. The people who envisioned the sunset had the same brain activity going on as if they saw it in real.

That's what happens when you go to your own funeral Yeah. Is that your body begins to feel emotions. Hey, turn some mu, turn some music on turn, do this, go to your own funeral. Turn on a, a amazing grace. Yeah. Played by bagpipes. Yeah. And, and . Watch what happens to you emotionally. Wow. And now doing that is gonna make your body feel as though it, it's really.

And what you'll do is you'll come out of that experience feeling more grateful for the people that you love. So good. And you won't take 'em for granted. That makes me think of the verse that says, Unless you're like a child. Yeah, right. Like that, That it's a child just has an imagination. They're able to go there.

They're able to just imagine and to be in that place of wonder. , it's a superpower. Mm-hmm. and everybody can have it. We all have access to that. So those five things, if you want to be fully present in your marriage, slow down. Keep a gratitude journal, practice saying thank you. Be proactive about it, lower your expectations, and then go to your own funeral.

Yeah. It's gonna help you a lot. I like that. That's good. Okay. Okay. So, um, a recipe for this. I'm gonna share, um, one of the things that I've made this week, or actually last week, our daughter, um, came home from college sick with the flu. It was so sad. First time being sick away from home, poor girl. And so I had to make her her favorite, uh, kale soup.

And so I'm gonna share that recipe with you this time of year as it's getting colder. It's, that was the best kale soup I had ever had. Yeah, it's interesting because I, on Jason loved it. I used, I did ground. Sausage. Typically I do the breakfast patties and I fry the, or not fry them up, but you know, put 'em in a skillet and cook those up and then chop 'em into four cuz they're the little round patties.

And then I just cut 'em into fours. So they're like the big chunks, but they were out of that. Um, this week. And so I had to get just ground sausage and you liked it even better. It was great. I honestly, I like the chunks better, like the chunks. So you can go either way. You can use ground sausage or you can use the breakfast patties, but, um, it, it's a really good recipe.

It's so healthy. It's just, Full of vegetables and, um, broth and kale, which is a super food. Um, so anyways, I'll go ahead and share that on Jason and Tory's Instagram for you guys. Uh, it's one of our family favorites. It's allie's absolute favorite. I have to make it for her. Every winter likes it's the bomb dignity.

Yep. So it's a good one. So I will share. This week. Okay. Hey, thanks for hanging out with us. Don't forget rate, review, subscribe and, um, Tori and I have some fun stuff coming out soon. We'll tell you about it later. Do tell, do, tell . Okay? All right guys. We'll see you next week. All right. God bless you.