Beauty in Battle Podcast

Establishing Emotional Safety

October 18, 2022 Jason Benham, Tori Benham Episode 42
Beauty in Battle Podcast
Establishing Emotional Safety
Show Notes Transcript

Did you know that Google spent millions of dollars on a research project that revealed the #1 characteristic of the best teams in their business?  The good news for us is that their findings can help you immensely in your marriage. 

Dive in to find out what in the world we're talking about!

Today we're gonna be talking about emotional safety. Yep. Doesn't that sound fun? Emotional safety and how intimacy and safety are linked. Mm-hmm. , uh, the more safe you feel with someone, the more connected your relationship's gonna be. Yep. And if you don't feel safe, which we, what we're talking about safe, obviously it's, we're not just talking about physically safe, we're talking about emotional safe today, you need to automatically be physically safe.

Mm-hmm. , if you don't feel physically safe, then get out. But emotional safety is that, that feeling of, I can reveal myself the deepest parts of who I am. Right. And not be criticized or experienced complaints or contempt. Right? Yep. I'm safe. And it goes along with. Core human need, which is security. Yeah, that's exactly right.

Our number one core human need is security says, Who can I trust? And if you know that you can trust someone and you can share your deepest, even the darkest right parts of who you are, and you know that they'll still love you and accept you, then you can be intimate with that person. So specifically we're talking about marriage, so you gotta be careful revealing the deepest, darkest parts of who you are to other.

Yes, that is true. You very keep careful. But, uh, in, in terms of marriage, you know, how safe do you feel with your spouse? And how fa safe does your spouse feel with you? It's very important, so they have to feel accepted. Now, before we dive in and start talking about this deeper, and we're gonna be looking at first, Ians five.

Today is gonna be, uh, kind of a foundation for our thinking on emotional safety. What we wanna first do is. Start off with a song. That's right. Okay. So one of our favorite songs, So last week we had a guy, so I figured we'll have a girl singer this week. , um, how do you pronounce her name? E Ellie Golding, I think.

Golding. Okay. G o u l d i n G. Ellie. Ellie Golding. Yes. Still falling for you? I'm gonna play little teaser guys. It is such a good song and it's not like, uh, it's not like one of those slow, sappy love songs. It's actually a little more upbeat. It's a little more upbeat. Although with one of our Valentine's parties, we dance, we all danced to this song and it was really fun.

A great dance song too. We, yeah, it was fun. Play it tour.

You'll all catch me.

So full. Yeah. Still falling for you. Still falling for you. I love it so much because it's so important that we're still falling for each other, right? Like, Yes. The pursuit never change. Never stops. The responses. Don't stop. . Yeah. And so I just played my, my favorite part, it says, You are all for me. I'm in. I love it when she goes, I'm in and just like that.

All I breathe, all I feel you are all for me, all for me. I'm still falling for you. Check it out. Did you guys just hear that Tori said, She's still falling for me. I'm, I'm in. It's on. And, and now, now you know what? You're on a podcast so everybody knows, like if you're not still falling, backing out now, no backing.

We're official. That is actually a really cool song. Tori and I had to do a marriage seminar like two or three years ago, and when we were driving to the, to the seminar, we, we actually played that song. And , we were, I was flooring it, we were driving fast, we were kind of singing at the top of our lungs. It was really fun.

It's such a great song, Getting ourselves psyched up, psyched out of our minds. Um, so the, this whole topic of emotional safety. Um, there was a study done. There was, Yes. So at Google it was, this was where we first like, had really started like researching this and getting into Yeah, exactly. Is this because Google launched an investigation years ago to find out what made the most successful teams?

Yeah. And, and obviously they've got unlimited resources to put to this, so they spent like millions, millions of dollars on this, millions of dollars. They measured it in 180 on 180 different teams. Wow. Using 35 different statistical models on, um, on hundreds of variables. And so, I mean, this thing was Yeah.

That's big. It was an indepth study for sure. Yeah. And what they found, and I thought this was so incredibly interest. Um, one, the fact that they would spend that much money shows you that they value teams. Yeah. Right? Uhhuh, , they're like, there's value in teams and that's, it's a marriage, it's a marriage, uh, principle.

You know, together, everyone accomplishes more. That's what team stands for. It's the same in your marriage. You can do so much more with your spouse than you can do alone. Right? And so they spent millions of dollars investigating all these different teams and what they found, Was the most successful team, all the most successful teams had was something called psychological safety.

And psychological safety is being able to show and employ oneself without fear of negative consequences. Oh geez. That's so good. So basically it's being known and accepted. Yeah. Which is the, the definition of intimacy to be fully known and fully accepted. And so here's. Google is spending millions and millions of dollars to discover what the Bible already tells us.

Right? That if you really want a team, and let's just call that you know your marriage, your marriage is a team. Yeah. You got a girl and a guy and, and you, you've got this team. You want your team to be successful. Well then. Each person has to feel safe to open up with their ideas. Right. And not be ridiculed for that.

Yeah. Or to not be demeaned. Right. Or to not be shocked. Yes. Like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe that's the struggle that you've had. Yes. Or whatever. And I think a lot of this comes from unlearning some things from our childhood, from our young, a adult life. I know for me, um, you know, growing up in a really small town, in a really small school, And I think, and I see this with my kids too, there was, there was a lot of joking around and a lot of sarcasm around.

Mm-hmm. , um, you know, like you say something and someone thought it was stupid and they'd be like, Oh, they start laughing. You're an idiot. You're an idiot. That's so dumb. And um, and there was not a lot of psychological safety of it. There was not like a lot of, I can be myself. And everyone will just accept it.

Yeah. There was a lot more, you know, as when you're a kid, there's just a lot of pushback. There's a lot of, Wait, what did you say? Oh my gosh. You're, That was kids making fun of kids. If somebody steps out, you know, I, I, I went to a Christian school, Tori did too. Every now and then we'd have one of our, one of our classmates would actually go up and, and like sing a song or something like that.

And, I have seen before where my own classmates laughing. Right at that kid up there. That's their age. Yes. And that is like so incredibly damaging, right? But just imagine putting that in the context of marriage. You put yourself out there in, in someone, there's some kind of response that's like, that was dumb, or that's, that's not cool.

Like you can't be yourself, you can't do that. And that's kind of what we've learned as kids. And then we bring that into our marriages. Like, can I really, Can I, Am I really. To tell you everything. Am I really safe to be my full self? You know? Yeah. Yeah. And, um, and, and in marriage, obviously it's not making fun of each other nearly as much.

I mean, there are marriages where people do get sarcastic, Right? You know, in, in the marriage. And, and I forget which psychologist said, it's not sarcasm. It's sarcasm, Right? Because in reality that sarcasm just can really get into your heart and it can, it can damage you. And, and that phrase words, uh, Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.

Right. That is such bull. Yeah. Uh, a word, negatively spoken or sarcastically spoken. When someone's trying to be open and vulnerable, actually it breaks more than a bone. It breaks a heart. Right. And it's awful. Yeah. Very, very difficult to get past that. And if you do, if, if you haven't established emotional, Safety in your marriage.

Sarcasm doesn't really work at all. Just don't do it. Right? I mean, once you get to a point where you really know each other and you know that your spouse is a hundred percent for you, thinks that everything about you is, you know there for you. Mm-hmm. , they think it's cute when you do stupid things and they think it's funny when, when you say things that, like for me, I'm con, I get words mixed up all the time.

Like in songs, I'm like, I, I always sing the wrong thing. . Yeah. It is funny. and at the beginning of our. I would be like defensive if you, cuz you're, Jason's a one on the igram. He's gotta, everything's gotta be right. Yeah. So like if she's singing the wrong, if you're singing phrase, then I need to correct it

So everything has to be corrected. Can I tell him the one phrase? I've got this song that I absolutely loved. It's, um, Home To You by John Michael Montgomery. So you need to pull that up on iTunes, Home to you by John Michael Montgomery. It is so good. Well, when I was in college, Tori and I, I was actually in grad school and that's when that song came out, and there's a phrase in there.

Where he's talking about a farmer or whatever, and he couldn't wait to get home to, to his wife, and he said it might rain. Mm-hmm. , but that's okay. I get to come home to you. Tori thought it said, hit my grain like he's a farmer. He, I, he's hitting the grain, hit my grain. But that's, she would sing it like that.

I was like, it, it might rain . I mean it might rain, but if Tory, but in all. So that wouldn't defend me because there's emotional safety. I know. Yeah. You're for me, I know you're not, you don't think I'm dumb. You think I'm smart? You know, I, I I know that I can trust you if, but if I didn't Yeah. Then that would be sarcasm.

Yes. I'm sorry, I just interrupted you there. But if it was, uh, if Tory had been made fun of as a kid for messing up those lines or whatever, and it became an insecurity in her, then I, as a husband, can't. Like correct her in certain ways and I can't like, make a big deal of it and kinda laugh at it because then she doesn't feel emotionally safe with me.

So I think a lot of times we gotta figure out what is the baggage that our, the emotional baggage that our spouse brings into a marriage. Because there are some things that will be off, off limits, right. To your spouse or for you to say to your spouse or for you to react to your spouse. That wouldn't be off limit for somebody else.

Yeah. Just because there is some type of insecurity that, that, that we come into marriage with. Yeah. And one of the things that Google said in this, um, in, in this study is they said that they felt free. That the teams that were the most successful, they felt free to suggest new ideas and admit when they were wrong.

Mm. They, they were able to be vulner. Weren't afraid to be vulnerable. They knew they'd be accepted for exactly who they are. And, um, they, uh, admit when they're wrong without being treated unkindly. Mm. And so, I mean, that's just so important in marriage. Like, can you say, can you be creative? Can you put yourself out there and come and, and express your ideas?

Feeling like you're gonna get shut down. Yeah. And it's so good with our kids too. It's, it's, and, and I'm, I know this isn't the parenting podcast, but it is a marriage podcast, so most of us have kids, but I have discovered that my, my boys, especially my boys, they will open up to me about temptations, about struggles that they're having.

The more I'm like, All right bud. Yeah, I've been there, done that, and I don't, I'm not like, Oh my gosh, what'd you see that on? Bring me your phone. Like that kind of thing. If you respond like that, then they don't feel emotionally safe right now. Obviously we still have to erect boundaries and, and deal out punishments and that type of stuff when necessary, but to make 'em feel safe that they can bring me the thing that they're struggling.

That I'm not gonna like freak out on just because it might not have been something I struggled with. If we apply that in marriage, it's the exact same thing. Mm-hmm. , you know, like what can we, what, what can we do to make our spouse feel totally safe? That they can share whatever it is that they need to share with us.

And we give them that feeling. Yeah. That emotional safety. So I think about first, Ians. Paul is talking, he's writing this letter to these folks and he has this one extremely powerful verse, and he gives us two things that we need. If we wanna establish emotional safety in our marriage and for that matter, psychological safety, which psychological safety would be more on a team.

You know, you don't have quite the emotional depth that you wouldn't , right? Obviously with your spouse. But if we want that type of safety, then what we need to do is, is obey what Paul says right here in verse 11 of first lesson, only five. He says, Okay, therefore, Encourage one another and build each other up.

Those two things encourage, build up. The Hebrew word for encourage is per pero, I think that's how you say it, but it means to come alongside to give comfort. So in other words, we're supposed to treat people like we're coming alongside them as if God himself, were coming alongside them. We're supposed to treat them with the heart of.

So when it says, encourage them, saying, come alongside them, be, be God in that situation. Make them feel like, yeah, they're, they're struggling right now, but make them feel like it's okay. You're gonna get through this. There's nothing that you can say that's gonna shock me right now. Right? There's nothing that you can say, like, if you're.

I don't know. I mean, crying out loud, how many people have sang karaoke and and then decided they were never gonna do it again because of the way people laughed at . You know, it's like, but if you come along, if that mindset is my spouse is sharing with me, I wanna come alongside. Yeah. You know, or encourage also means to make courageous.

Mm-hmm. And so to make someone courageous. If, if you're, if you want them to be brave and open up to you, they have to feel like you're coming alongside them. Yes. You're not like above them. Right. To pull them out. You're like literally alongside them, Right. So that you can walk out together. Yeah. And this is something that I will say that you've gotten so much better at.

Over the years, cuz I think there is a real, um, pull inside of you to bring reformation to everything. To make things better. To make things right. Um, to find the best way of doing things and doing them right. Yeah. As a one on the igram, it's just that, it's in your brain is a critiquer. Like you can, you can see a problem, a problem, you can see what doesn't, what's not right.

I mean, we spent all week getting our lighting just perfect in our houses. Oh yeah. Because we switched over to Smart House, to a new, uh, program, and it's, you know, very much like it has to be in, in very specific way. But over the years, you have really done such a good job of letting me be me and accepting me for being different from you and, and not.

Not enforcing your ways on me because what that did at the beginning of our marriage, what made me feel like I can't do things right. That, you know, there was a little bit of, Oh, am I, did I do that wrong? Right. And it kind of, it kind of pushed me back a little bit. But over the years you've learned to really to, to really let.

Be me. Yeah. Yeah. And I just think it's been, it's, it just has, has allowed me to blossom in ways that I'm so thankful that you were able to make that shift. Well, it's interesting you say that because I actually did mess up, like I may, maybe it was a month ago, six weeks ago with you, and this a great example of, of what emotional safety does not look like.

We're, we're getting ready to do, uh, we're we're doing some brainstorming on podcast, what we're gonna do, and Tori said, Hey, I, I want to go this direction with this particular theme. And instantly when we're in brainstorm mode, I go transactional. Right? So Tori says, I think these three things really make sense.

And instantly I said, No, that doesn't make sense. You need a fourth thing in there. And I started going transactional on it. And I could see that I kind of hurt Tory because in that moment, she, and, and in all honesty, she was actually right. I was. So she was, she had her points and, and we talked through it and 15 minutes later we came back to her original points.

But what I had done in that moment was when Tori put herself out there and shared with me what she wanted to share it. The minute I came in and critiqued, like, and I treated it like a transaction, I actually didn't embrace the fact that like, Actually, those points are really good. Like let's think about that.

And I went Transactional instead of emotional. And it didn't make her feel safe in that moment. Well, I think it was, it wasn't really a matter of who was right or who was wrong. It was us learning how to deal with this situation. I think for. For a long time, if you were to say, No, that's not the best way of doing it, this is the best way of doing it, I would just say, Oh yeah, you're probably right.

Yeah, let's just do it your way because you're at nine on the engram. But I, in the last few years have been trying to be more assertive because that's something that I struggle with. So I'm like working out, trying to work my weaknesses instead of just, you know, falling into them over and over again. And so I'm like, No, you know what?

I actually think that. This actually is a, a good idea and when you shut, shut it down that quickly, my natural reaction is I just wanna go along with what you are saying. Yeah. And, but yeah, I don't think that's, I don't think that's probably the best way of doing life Yeah. Is just me going along to get along.

Yeah. Which is great. Which she had to learn to be a little more assertive and she actually spoke up and told me, like in that moment, When you just shot me down right there, that actually hurt. And the minute she said that, it put me on her side. I'm like, I'm an idiot. I'm so sorry. Rather than maybe 15 years ago, if I would've done that, it would've caused her to go into her shell, Right.

She doesn't tell me what's going on. She's just not talking to me. Like, what happens to, Well, what it can do to somebody who goes into their shell is, Well, okay, then I just won't be known. I'm just gonna hide. I don't wanna be known because when I'm known, I get shut down. That's a bad place to be. That's not a good place to be.

And, and if you continuously feel unknown, you, you, you are not able to, you're not able to blossom. You're not able to grow. You just hide yourself. Yeah. And so you, it, it, I think there's a kind of a paradox. You think, Well, if I, I'll protect myself by going into my shell, but you're actually not protecting yourself.

You're not growing. That's right. That's exactly right. You're stunting your growth. And so, So it was really cool though because you were, Yeah. You're like, Oh, you know what? That actually, like, let's tease this out a little bit. And we were able to talk about it. And I think one of the most important parts though of, of this whole thing is that you, if, if you are not secure in yourself, in Christ, you will never find security in your spouse.

That's right. So it doesn't matter. You know, for me, if I don't truly know that God knows me, that he sees me, that he accepts me. Mm-hmm. , then I really don't have the confidence to step outside of my shell. Yeah. But when I'm like, No, God made me this way for a reason, there's a reason that I must, that I process things a little bit slower than Jason does, that I'm a little slower to respond.

Cause it's deeper . Cause I'm thinking deeply about something. You're quicker on your feet to, to know exactly what to say and when to say it. And I'm like, A few steps of mind, but there's a purpose, there's a reason that God made me that way. Yeah. And so for me to just hide myself is, is actually not serving myself or others at all.

Yeah. And so, um, I have to know that I am known in scene that I'm made, I was made in the image of God for a very specific purpose. And so because I'm known I'm safe. Yeah, that's good. And. Uh, there's a few scriptures that I thought were so good. I was looking up scriptures on just how, you know, being known by God in Psalms 1 39.

Oh Lord, you have, this is David saying, Oh Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know, when I sit down, when I rise up, you discern my thoughts from afar. You search up my path and my line down and are acquainted with all of my ways. Mm. We are known like you. It's on the basis of being known by God that we can truly know and accept others and be known and accepted by others.

Yeah, that's so good. And, and then the other one was, uh, first Corinthians eight, three. But if anyone loves God, he is known by God. Mm. And then Hebrews four 13. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked, exposed to the eye, to the eyes of of him, to whom we must give account. We are known by God.

And if you don't, if you are struggling with security, it's, it's mostly, it's gotta start Yeah. Being known by God. Yeah. Which is the foundation of intimacy. So always remember this definition of intimacy. To be fully known and fully, fully accepted, right and into intimacy into me. C, it's the Revelation three 20, the famous verse that you've all heard.

But this is so good when you incorporate it into marriage. Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If he opened up the door, I will come in and dine with him, and he with me. So what that means is, is that when Jesus says he's standing at the door of your heart and he's knocking, he's saying, If you simply open up and let me see, let me in.

Yeah. I mean, he already knows it. He already knows what's going on, but you let me in. He says, I will come in and dine with you. You would think that, that the creator of heaven and earth would say, I'm gonna come in and I'm gonna clean house. Right. You know, I'm gonna come in and I'm gonna fix stuff. The stuff that you need fixed.

He says, No, I'm gonna dine with you. Dining is an intimate experience and can you imagine Jesus walking into your apartment? All of a sudden you hear the, you hear the knock and you look. You're like, Oh, snap. That's Jesus . He's at the door, Honey, we gotta clean the place. Right? You know? And if you're in a bad place, maybe you're a single dude or whatever, and, and it's your college dorm room, you're like, Well, I gotta turn that, Turn the TV off and I gotta get rid of those beer cans.

You know, kind of get rid of some of those magazines that I've been reading or looking at or whatever, and you're like, I gotta get rid of all this stuff. And then Jesus knocks again. He's like, Hey, just let me in. You're like, I gotta clean the place up first. He's like, No, no, no. Do you just let me in and we're gonna eat?

And can you imagine Jesus walking in and there's just all this trash around your house and all this junk and that you're embarrassed of and, and he just looks you right in the eye and says, Hey, let's eat. Yeah, I actually brought leftovers from yesterday's meal. Like, Right, let's sit down and. . And in that moment when you're sitting there eating and you're kind of glancing over and seeing some of the stuff around your house that you wish wasn't there, but yet Jesus looks at you and is just fully accepting you for who you are, right?

And then you get up, you know, at the end and you're like, Well man, that was great. Here, you know, come, come back tomorrow and I'll have this place clean. And he says, Don't worry about that. I'll be back tomorrow and we can clean it together. That's what I'm talking about. In marriage. Okay. It's like, let's open up to each other.

Right? Let's just be real with each other and give, uh, each other that, that emotional safety that we need so that we can do it right. And you know, I need to finish this verse of verse 11 of first left. That's alone five, because I said it's therefore encourage one another and build each other up. So encourage, encourages the first part.

Yeah. That's to come alongside. It's to make courageous. It's to give them that. Feeling. It's to give your spouse that safe feeling like you can share whatever it is with me. The second is to build up, that's what he says, to encourage one another and build each other up. The Hebrew word for that is, Oh man, I'm gonna butcher this.

Oca de Mayo, oca de mayo. You said that wrong. I didn't. Totally kidding. You think I know ? Yeah, you did too. What in the world am I thinking? Of course you don't know. . Oba. You know what it means? It means to edify, which is to improve someone either morally, intellectually, emotion. So edify, it's like help your spouse improve whatever it is that they Yeah.

They're bringing something to you. Mm. And you know what, A lot of times it doesn't involve you saying anything. Yeah. It just involves you listening. Yes. Which is so incredibly powerful. So if you want to emotionally connect with your spouse there, there's gotta be emotional safety that leads to intimacy.

You need to encourage 'em. Yeah. Come alongside them, you know? Right. Like God. and build them up. And the best way to do that sometimes is a nonjudgmental listening ear. Yes. I I love that listening part cuz it's so important that we feel safe to speak and, and that we don't feel like. What we say is not valued.

Yeah. Or your husband if, if it's the wife speaking and she just needs to kind of process through things and she's a verbal processor, which most of women are, and the husband's like, just gimme the bottom line. Well, you automatically right there, you have not established emotional safety. Right. You will shut her down.

Right. You know, and then just the tendency sometimes for a man to fix it before it's been spilled. Yeah. Like, let her, let her just get it out. Spill it. Let her spill it. Don't fix it first. Let her just get it all out there. And then, you know, then hopefully your, your wife will say, Okay, now I want your opinion.

Like, what do you think? What, How am I saying this wrong? Yeah. I wanna bring you in. I do want solutions. But we first need to be heard, and I, if this is so good for guys too, that if your wife is spilling her heart to you, but you're not then spilling your heart to her mm-hmm. , she won't feel as deeply connected to you as you do to her.

Yeah. So Tori and I, when we do our marriage mentorships, we like to ask, Okay. Uh, husband. On a scale of one to 10, how connected do you feel to your wife? Yeah. You know, and then they tell me whatever number, and it's like, Now why do you feel that? And then how can we raise it? Yeah. You know? And then turn to the wife.

How do you feel? And a lot of times those numbers are different, right? The wife is feeling one thing and the husband's feeling another. There's nothing worse than the husband's saying, I'm feeling nine. And the girl's like, Well, I'm feeling three . Right? Right. It's like, Okay, you, sir, you are way disconnected.

Um, I wanna read this paragraph from a guy that I. His name is Skip Moen. He's a Hebrew theologian, and he was writing about this passage when he was talking about, uh, first Ians five 11, Encourage each other, build each other up, and he's talking about emotional safety and how relationships grow. But listen to what he says.

He says, Generally, relationships build by a process of reciprocal self revelations. One individual takes the leap and reveals some intimate material, thereby placing himself or herself at risk. The other closes the gap by reciprocating in. Together. They deepen the relationship via a spiral of self revelation.

If the person at risk is left hanging without the other reciprocating or if they're made fun of, or if they're not accepted. Yeah. Then the friendship, the relationship, often flounders. Hmm. So he said, if you had to open up that most grievous wound, the one you've been caring for a long time, the one you're afraid to even admit to yourself, if you had to reveal it to someone else, how would you want 'em to?

I could tell you that I, I don't want to hear a solution to my problem. I don't even need fixing advice. I don't want averted eyes turning away, body language, gas, suppressing, dismay or disgust. I want, I need acceptance. Just listening, nothing more, at least not yet more than anything else. I need to feel safe, and if I don't, well, It looks like I'm gonna have to go to the therapist.

Emotional safety. It's so good. That's what we need. So hopefully this is encouraging to you. I know as Tori and I, we, we go through these, uh, this, this, we do these podcasts, not because we want to teach you guys something, but because she and I love researching and studying stuff. Yeah. And as we discover things that help us, we simply wanna pass it along to you.

That's right. So, That's it. Okay. So I'm gonna share a recipe that, So Jason, you were out of town for several days this weekend. Yeah. And you had an amazing chef cooking for you all? Yes, we did all the games. So Jason was sending me pictures of all the yummy food he was eating all week. And what was the name of the chef?

Rosalie. Rosalie. She and Sasha. And we brought them in, and I can say this, when we do a beauty and battle marriage retreat, which we will, it'll be private, um, it'll be next year in 2023. We are gonna have Rosalie and Sasha as executive chefs. Yes. For the whole time. She's amazing. I actually had the privilege of eating her food.

I think it was last year when we were, Yeah, in Colorado. And so she cooked for you guys all week and oh my goodness. Everything looked just amazing. And Jason reported home with each meal that they was just so good. I was really jealous that I missed it. But our kids were home from college, so I couldn't make it the trip.

But anyways. One of the things that you sent, Was a salad that looked incredible and it just, it made me think, I mean, I didn't know how she made it, so I just, Decided to make a, a recipe of my own with, with kind of the same what I saw in the picture. Yeah. So basically this is what I did and I'll, I'll share with you guys how I did it and because it turned out so really good.

Oh my gosh. It was such like a, See, I didn't get that. I, I need to eat that. I'm, I'm, I have it already for you. For tonight. Yes. Yep. Jason just got home, so he hasn't had it yet, and I, so I, the way I, um, packaged it, you can make like a ton of this and then just put all the pieces in the fridge. Make your salad whenever.

Oh, that's cool. Okay. So basically the lettuce was arugula. I'm just loving arugula in the fall. Something about it's got like a very peppery taste. Hmm. I just love it. And so I roasted, um, butter nut squash, which is such a fall flavor. Yeah, right. Yeah. And we just got a. Uh, air fryer. Oh, that's right. We did.

And I love it. It is the coolest thing. Like I can, I can roast, um, butternut squash in 15 minutes and it was delicious. It's real crispy, but you could totally do it in the, in the oven. So basically you just roast some butternut squash with a ton of fresh rosemary. Our neighbor has like this huge rosemary bush that she lets me.

Glean from , , steal from. And so I loaded it up with that. And then I did, um, beets. So I had, oh, the butternut squash, the beets. I mean, it was like the most colorful, beautiful dish ever. If you would've told me 10 years ago that I would love beets on a salad, at first I would've said, what? Beets? But then secondly, when you tell me they're those maroon things, little ball things.

I just said, No, there's no way that's gonna happen. But now it's one of my favorite things. It tastes so earthy. So earthy. It feels like it literally feels good in my body. Yes. And then I did goat cheese, like just this. The crumbled goat cheese. Yeah. And then pistachios. Oh, ballgame. Oh my gosh. It was so good.

And then I made a vinegarette. Um, with, it was just basically lemon juice and, um, dejan mustard. Anyways, I can write it out, um, and, and give everyone the recipe. I just put it in a mason jar. That's a good idea. And it took me like two seconds. Made it, it, and you know what the trick, what the, the thing that I think made it really yummy.

A little bit of maple syrup. Oh, it just had like this real fall flavor. That's cool. Cause you got the maple syrup. You've got the butternut squash. Oh, it was so good. That's legit. And it looked beautiful. I made this huge plate and all the kids left. They literally, they were like, Oh, I'm going here. I'm going there.

I was like, Oh my goodness. I just made this amazing salad. I ate the entire thing. , You know what's so funny is I'm, I'm at our, we, we are doing this mastermind for our expert owner. Uh, company where we teach, um, kingdom minded entrepreneurs how to crush it in business. And so we're doing this mastermind in Vail and I'm bored.

I'm, I'm literally like in the middle of something. It was a break or something and, and maybe I was using the bathroom. I forget what I was doing, but I just jumped into , our security system, and I'm like, I wonder what Tori's doing? And I, I could see her on the, the camera in the. She was in a robe and there was this massive bowl, but I couldn't see what was in it.

And it looked like she was eating cereal . I was like, She's crushing cereal. And I just caught her like in a massive bowl. And so I was texting her, but I was watching her at the same time. So she didn't pick up the phone or anything. She's just smashing this thing for like 15 minutes. Yeah. And she gets done.

Was so good. Told me it was a salad. Yeah. So that was a salad I caught you eating it. It You're gonna love it. You're gonna try it tonight. I can't. All right guys. Well, thanks for joining us. Yeah, this was fun. Don't forget, rate, review, subscribe, share it out. If you hadn't read our book, you need to do it.

And soon, soon enough. I'm just gonna go ahead and just tell you, Tori and I have a five days to deeper to connection, uh, marriage Challenge coming out. Oh, yes. I'm not sh I'm probably gonna release it after Christmas before, um, Valentine's Day, but we've been working on it and you guys are gonna love it.

You're gonna love it. All right. So, all right. Until next. Peace, Peace.