Beauty in Battle Podcast

Choosing Hope in Your Marriage

July 12, 2022 Episode 28
Beauty in Battle Podcast
Choosing Hope in Your Marriage
Show Notes Transcript

Join us as we share a story about our 12-year-old daughter who was in a traumatic accident that threatened her vision. What we have learned from her during this time has helped us in our own relationship. 

Specifically, little Lundi has shown us three keys for choosing hope in the midst of a trial. Applied to your marriage, these keys are pivotal in keeping your hope anchored on the one unchanging person who has the power to change your relationship for the better. 

Listen in. You'll enjoy this story. 

So today we wanted to bring you into, uh, a little bit of our story just in, in the last week, since our, since our last podcast. Um, and we wanted to talk about hopelessness and, and helplessness. So both of those hopeless and helpless, I mean, there's so many marriages out there. There's so many spouses out there that might feel a little hopeless.

Like my husband won't change. I don't know what to do. I feel hopeless, or my wife keeps, you know, Saying these things or whatever, and I feel helpless to, to, to help her. Right. Right. So hopeless, helpless, same thing. But we're gonna specifically talk. What it means to be hopeless and why it's so devastating on your relationship.

And, uh, and so Tori and I just recently went through something. I, if you follow us on Facebook or any social media, uh, her and I personally we've, we've detailed what happened, but it was a week ago. And the day after July 4th, our daughter, our youngest daughter and, and several of our other kids were at the lake.

And, um, Our youngest daughter, who's 12 decided to go out on a tube with one of her friends and they were getting pulled by the boat. And, uh, the boat was whipping 'em around and they, they got going pretty fast and they flipped over. And when they did, uh, they were going so fast that my, uh, our daughter's friends hip.

Hit her in the face and, and the bone of the hip broke my daughter's orbital bone smashed out her bottom row of teeth. Not, not that she chipped the bottom row of teeth. They didn't all fall out, uh, damaged her eye really bad. Uh, cut her face deeply. We rushed her to the emergency room. We got her with a plastic surgeon first.

Got her. Was it 33, 33 stitches in her face 33 stitches in her face. And then we found out that her orbital bone was broken and, and that part of the eye was leaking down. And it was just, I mean, all sorts of craziness. So we went to two emergency room visits, had to go to a child, uh, specialty emergency place.

We stayed in there until about two in the morning. And, uh, and so man, it was. It was a whirlwind of a week, quite an eventful week. It really was. And we got an opportunity to see how fighting together draws you together. That is one thing that our book definitely talks about, but at the same time, what we really got to see and why I wanted to apply this to marriage is, um, the power of having hope in the midst of a struggle, right?

In the midst of your pain. Yeah. We just became heightened. Heightenedly aware this week, just. What hopelessness does and how draining it is just the life is sucked out of you when you are, um, faced with any sense of hopelessness. And, um, it was just kind of like, um, a roller coaster all week of hearing, you know, encouraging news and then hearing really bad news and different opinions from so many different doctors.

And it there's a lot of confusion. And really just felt like you didn't know what the future was gonna hold. Yeah. And, and we still don't. We're still, um, We're still walking through it, but it's, we've, the Lord has just done some really amazing things in little Lundy. And he's taught us a lot this week as well.

And so we just wanted to kind of share some of the things that he's been sharing with us. And I, and I love this for, for us to be able to apply it to marriages because. I do think that in marriage, sometimes you, you have a goal, you have a dream, you have a vision, you, you have a place that you wanna go in your relationship and then it just doesn't work out like that.

The busyness of life happens and or one of your kids, uh, something happens. And, you know, sometimes it's permanent damage. Sometimes it's not, or whatever it may be where, um, those things take you away from each other. And you begin to focus on these other things like for Tori and I for a solid week. It wasn't about Tory.

It wasn't about me. It was her and I both focused on Lund and because, uh, she, she wasn't able to sleep laying down because they didn't want the eye to sink back any deeper or whatever. We, we put her in one of those neck pillows, like you'd wear on the, um, on a plane. She slept right in between us. It was so funny every now and she'd reach over and grab my hand.

And it was just so cute. Mm-hmm , you know, at the same time, I. You know, I want to get her better. I, I would like to sleep next to Tori at some point, but you know, it, it was like in those moments, we're not thinking about me. I'm not thinking about me. Tori's not thinking about herself. We're both thinking about Ludy.

But we, we also recognized what it felt like to anchor your hope in something that never changes and someone who never changes, which is God. Yep. And because if you anchor your hope to other people, Or you anchor your hope in your marriage relationship. So you may say to yourself, um, man, I, I would love to see this change in my marriage, but man, we've been going on a decade now and I've never seen the change and you, you kind of give up hope.

Well, that's giving up hope based on the fact that your husband or your wife won't change or you, your you're giving up hope on the basis of your relationship. Not changing rather. Staying in hope and maintaining your hope because your, your hope is anchored in God, right? Like God can do all things, right?

Whatever the heck he wants, he can do. Right. I'm praying and asking God to do this thing, whatever it is. And I'm trusting that he's gonna do it. Right. But if for some reason he doesn't, he's doing it because he knows something better. Right. Something that I don't know. And it reminds me of Romans four verse 18.

Paul is talking about Abraham. And he says against all hope, Abraham in hope believed. And so became the father of many nations, just that he had just as he had been told. So shall your offspring be? So Paul is looking back to Abraham. You gotta remember Abraham the first Jew and he was called away from his land by God.

You know, this back, God spoke to him audibly he heard God's voice and it says. You gotta get up and you gotta leave this place, this place that you know, and, uh, uh, I'm actually gonna bless you. And I'm gonna make you the father of many nations. You're gonna have a lot of kids. Of course, Abraham's old. He gets up and he does this thing, but it says against all hope, Abraham in hope believed.

And I'm just telling you, what do you think that did to God's heart? That God would say Abraham, here's what I want you to. I want you to believe this, that what I'm about to tell. I know it's gonna seem impossible, but, but if you believe me, it's I promise you you'll receive what it is that I'm telling you you're gonna receive.

And Abraham believed it. It said against all hope, which meant it was a hopeless situation, right. And yet Abraham went against the hopelessness and he chose hope in the midst of that hopelessness. And because of that, he became the father of many nations. God granted him what he promised. Mm. So Tori and I got a chance to see what.

Feels like with our daughter Lundy when we literally were with several different doctors and a few of them even said, she's probably gonna have permanent eye damage. And, uh, and it was, it was just so bad. I remember meeting, meeting with the, um, the surgeon, one of the surgeons and we were in the, in the, um, doctor's office talking and he started getting a little graphic on the way he was explaining explaining it.

So I'm an idiot. I'm just a SIS. I walked out. I'm like, okay, honey. I, I can't cuz I started feeling lightheaded and , that was such a wimp. But anyway, after about 10 minutes I came back in and Tory was. and I, I was like, okay. And I looked at Lundy, Lundy was crying, and this is actually the, she was in with the physician's assistant as well as another, uh, trainee.

This was before the surgeon came in. So I, I messed the detail up, but still I came back in and, and they were both crying. Whereas before I left, they were fine. Mm-hmm mm-hmm . And so then the physician's assistant and the other person, the trainee left, and I said, what's going on? And she said, she just told me that Lund may.

Have rip fully restored vision again, and to be expecting that, and she's gonna have scars and all sorts of stuff. And, but in that moment, I remember thinking, man, if this physician's assistant is the final say then yeah. Right. We're screwed. Yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? But she's not the final say, right?

God is the final say. Yeah. Now in that moment though, it was tough for tour cuz she's a mom. I mean, this is what mom's moms do. Uh, and parents do when they really care. Is that, I mean that, that hit her so hard. Yeah. It, I mean literally since Tuesday, since exactly been a week, there's just been kind of, it has been that up and down of, of me finding myself, looking to man for.

Comfort for hope. Yeah. For, you know, I need to know that L's gonna get her full vision back. I need to know what the future holds for Lundy. Like I, yeah, there's just this, you know, this, um, cry inside of me. That's like, and this longing to know, and to be secure in her future. And, um, and the Lord has just been teaching me all week that.

You cannot look to man for that. Yeah. Like there was just so many, I, I found myself every time a doctor would come in, it's like, I'm trying to read their body language, I'm reading their expressions. And I'm just like, you know, you're just, you're, you're just, you know, in my mind, I'm like, God, please let them say something good.

Like I's gotta be PO in Lundy's with me the entire time. So I'm also. You know, there's just been so many doctors that have said things that are so scary in front of her. I'm like on guard, like, you know, please don't say it. Don't say it, please don't say it. And, but the Lord has just been showing me like every time, like remember the first time that the doctor took off her, you know, took the band bandaid off, had bandaid, bandaged her up.

The whole, the whole thing was, um, Just kind of a nightmare, like it had happened and the boat, um, the boat had, um, the, the, the rope had tied around the boat. And so they actually got stranded on the lake for about 45 minutes. So anyways, by the time she got to us, Jason and I, um, there was just so much blood and there wa and when we kind of like patched it up and closed it up, We at that point, we just thought it was, you know, just a lot of, she was just gonna need a lot of help to, to straighten out her face.

And then when we got to the, to the plastic surgeon and he took off the bandage, the, the look on his face and the way that he responded like, oh, oh wait a minute. Like, he was not, this is worse than I thought this is worse than I thought. And that was the first time that we realized there was some that, that her eye was actually really impacted.

And I looked at L and her, I was just not wasn't moving it. Wasn't moving. It was well, first it was just out. It was completely off and scary. Yeah. And his response was so scary. Like it was, it looked like that was the first wave of hopelessness. Like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. What's going on?

Like, is something, is something really wrong here? And, um, and that was like the beginning of the Lord, like throughout the week, these just waves. Wait a minute. Is she gonna be okay? And every time I felt that it literally. Like a, like the life was being sucked out of my body. Like, I felt so tired. So weak.

Like, you know, like when you wake up in the morning, you can't like take the toothpaste thing off because you're that weak it's, that's literally how I kept like that. My body felt every time that there was this moment of, well, we think, or we're not sure let's we let's see if it's there's any permanent and just those scary, scary words of they, what they really were.

We're we're feelings of hopelessness and, and the Lord's just been speaking like this. Like you cannot, you cannot go down the path of hopelessness. And as I've been listening to the Psalms and how David, he, he, he's not like he's not being real with what's happening. He says what's what's happening. And he expresses himself and he's angry and he's frustrated and he's he's has these, these feelings of hopelessness, but then he always turns and he says, but, and he, he turn, he, he, there's always this transition in, in his writings that it's like, yeah, but God

Yeah, it's the pivot. It's the pivot. And, um, and you know, it's been so interesting because. There's been so many people that have been praying for Lundy and she's been turning to, she has been asking God for help. Like from the very, very beginning. Yeah. She has not said, I mean, I can't even imagine how scary this could have.

This has been for her. Like she literally could not, she didn't see anything when it happened for, until she got to the, you know, until we got to the first doctor and we took it off and then it was double vision. But up until that point, she couldn't see anything. She thought that her. Was gone, cuz there was so much blood and that's the, the way that it impacted it.

She, she thought she had lost her eye. And so there she's more scared than she's ever been. And so she's just crying out to God, like yeah, the entire time she's praying under her breath. And then she would say, am I gonna be okay? Is it, am I do, am I gonna get my eye back? Am I, you know, just all these questions.

And so that's our 12 year old. She's like literally asking us these things. Because she's, she's asking us, what should I anchor my hope in. Right. And, and so Tori at the same time, and, and I at the same time are like, okay, so doc, is she gonna see again? Or what do you think about this? Or does she need surgery?

And, and she does need surgery in, in two weeks time from, from the date that we're, uh, recording this podcast. But so be in prayer that, that she won't need it because there is an outside chance that she might not, but. Tori. And I found ourselves anchoring hope in what the doctor said. Right. And like, what Tori was saying is that began to drain us like crazy, especially Torah.

She just, just took it so deep. Like here, I, I know that I'm here, I'm supposed to be fighting for Lundy, but I felt such little energy and I know it was this, that sense of hopelessness. Yeah. That was just draining me. And so our own daughter. Became the object lesson for us. She really did. She did three things and this is what we wanted to, to just bring to you.

And it it's a testimony to what God is doing in her little 12 year old heart. And, uh, of course we've got four kids and all of them at 12 responded different ways to God. So it, it doesn't mean that Tori and I have done a certain thing. That's made her such a little worshiper, but she has, she has really a tender, worshiping heart, but during this time and her heart has just been so desperate.

I know it's, I mean, This been so scary. She's so desperate for the Lord to come through for her. And so watching how she's responded has, has strengthened us so much. And, and, and just imagine 12 years old listening to some of the doctors and, and specifically this one lady saying she's never gonna restore her vision again.

And it just, given's just this hopeless. Like, I can't even believe the lady. Was was willing to say that in front of a 12 year old, but it, it hit Tori and Lundy really hard, but then we watched Lundy. She did three specific things, and I know it was the holy spirit because she was asking for herself in the, in this holy spirit is our helper.

That's who he is. And as Lundy began to ask him for help, we watched her do three things all week and it's gonna help you in your marriage. It has helped Jason and I , she I'm constantly like God. Okay, I've gotta re I gotta do what Lund's doing because I'm starting to feel it again. But so first thing, what'd she do?

The first thing that she did, um, is that she began to worship. Yeah, we watched her during the scariest times, she asked that we would play worship music. We were driving to the plastic surgeon. Uh, no, we were driving to the, uh, second emergency room where, where they specialize in child trauma. And she said, you know, she's literally holding her eye Tori sitting in the back, holding her.

And, um, she's like, dad, will you put praise and worship on? So I, I put this song on and, and you can tell she's just worshiping. And, and then a few days later we had to go to another doctor's appointment. She said, dad, can you put this particular song on? I think it was worthy by elevation music. It was so good.

Next thing you know, Tori and I look back. And we're at home and she's turning on, like, we have this little like karaoke thing in the great room and she's singing all these praise worship songs. And it's always, when things are getting scary, like she's literally, it's like the holy spirit was like, I got, you let's do this now.

It was so cool to watch. You can go on and go on my personal, um, Facebook, Jason Benham. And you can see, uh, I, I put the video and I think you put it on your personal Facebook. The video of money of, oh, in the car on the way too, that was on the way to the, the trauma specialist. There were so many people, I mean, literally thousands of people said it was one of the most touching things they've seen because when you know the context, here's this little girl she's on her way to the trauma specialist who she doesn't know, she's gonna see again.

Or if she's gonna have to go through surgery, you know, that day or, or a few days later, and yet she's singing at the top of her lungs worship. Mm-hmm . It was powerful. It was really powerful. And then the second thing that Lendy taught us this week is that is the power of testimony she wanted to hear on audio books.

Um, Jason and David's book on, um, miracle and street park, miracle Andre court, which is Jason's story of, you know, God being behind the scenes during a. Big trial. Yeah. When I broke my leg in pro baseball and, and then I got released and David and I had this dream to play on the same team in the same stadium and, and all of that was shattered and it was shattered four different times where I had to die to that dream.

And, and ultimately, you know, spoiler alert here. If you haven't read the book or listen to it on audio, you should. We gave you a spoiler alert. Uh, we ended up playing on the same team in the, in the same stadium, which was an absolute miracle, but LDI listened to that and she held onto that testimony.

Right. And just, you know, in the middle of the story is, you know what Jason shot, um, just am I allowed to say, or you pretty much gave the whole book away? No, I did it I already gave the spoiler alert. Jason broke his, um, his leg, like almost, almost. Yeah, it was gross. Half awful compound fracture. It was a compound fracture and it was awful, but God healed him and there, it was just a testimony of, I mean, Jason didn't know if he'd ever walk again, um, walk with a limp or what, what life was gonna look like.

There was so many unknowns, um, during those first few months, um, But God, you know, showed himself faithful. And so it Lundy, there was something inside of her. I know it was the holy spirit was the helper that she was asking for help for, um, from was, was saying, okay, Len let's listen to the testimony. And she was so gripped.

She just wanted to listen to that book. She wanted, it was like the hope that she needed that. Well, my dad went through something really hard. and it didn't really make sense to him and he didn't know what the future was gonna look like, but this is what, this is how he. Oh, he handled it and that's in revelation 12.

It's the same thing. It's like, how did, how did the angels overcome the demons in heaven? When there was war that broke out in the book of revelation, it says the, the blood of the lamb, which is salvation, the word of their testimony, which is salvation lived out, which is our, our God stories where he's proven faithful.

Mm-hmm , but not just our own personal stories, but the stories of other believers. Yeah. This is why reading your scripture is so incredibly important during a time where you feel hopeless. It's. Read the Bible, like how hopeless do you think the Israelites felt when they were standing at the edge of the red sea, a mountain on one side, a mountain on the other and the Egyptian army, chasing them on the O on the backside, they felt so hopeless, but then God came through.

Right. And part of that ocean that's the same God who works on your behalf. Right. So Lundy was listening to that testimony. Yeah. There was something inside of her that knew the power of testimony and it was bringing her so much. And, you know, as the week went on, there were so many people that reached out to us that gave us testimony.

Oh yeah. And we were holding onto that. We're like, okay, God, God is healer. He heals. And look what, you know, there was, there was one that was actually just like, so, so encouraging about a little boy. I, that, I think it was a little boy who had a very similar accident. Mm-hmm to Lendy very, very similar. He was actually, um, They, you know, airlifted to the hospital.

So it was even worse. Anyways, he now, you know, plays football and has no, yeah, no problems with his vision. And it was just, it was something that I held onto all week, you know? Yeah. And so we watched L worship, we watched her, um, used the power of testimony, use the power of testimony. Um, and then the third thing is gratitude, gratitude.

She just, it was amazing to me to see how, um, how soft her heart. Towards us and the people that were, who were taking care of her, like she just kept on saying, thank you, mom so much for taking good care of me. Thank you for being with me. Thank you for letting me sleep with you. I mean, she just . She did not.

Um, she didn't, um, miss out on any opportunity to be thankful for the people who were walking it beside her. Yeah, she was that. That's just so powerful though. And, and it's so helpful to all of us in marriage. it's the process. Mm-hmm that she was thankful for. It's like, okay. At that moment, when she's thanking me and to, for letting her sleep in between us and it was like a deep heartfelt, thank you.

Mm-hmm it wasn't just like, thanks for letting me sleep between. No, it was, and I was like, she felt it. Yeah. I could tell. She felt loved. She's like, thank you guys so much for letting me sleep in between you and, and the way that she has been so grateful, but she was thanking. In the process, because when she was doing that, she still didn't know if she was gonna see good again.

Mm-hmm she still didn't know what the surgery was gonna look like. And it was like, none of those things were resolved and yet she experienced gratitude yeah. In her heart. Yeah. And so to worry about her. She was the rock star. Like she just. And, and it was the whole, it, it, I'm, I'm just a hundred percent convinced that all it, all it, um, this came from was her just asking the holy spirit for help cuz that's what he does.

He helps. And this, this is exactly what this was the way that he brought her through through worship, through testimony and through gratitude. Um, he has just been her, her rock and her peace and she, I mean, there have been, um, certainly. Up and down moments for her of overwhelming fear. Oh yeah. Um, but every time she's over overwhelmed with fear and she starts to cry and she starts to ask questions.

What is, what about volleyball? What about this? What about, you know? Yeah. And, and it's always that one, one of these three things I can see her being empower. By, um, falling on these three things and, you know, uh, uh, in the introduction of our book, beauty and battle. And if you haven't got it, get it on Amazon, but beauty and battle, right in the introduction we say this, we say the joy of your marriage journey may be a distant memory as you hold this book in your hand, praying and hoping that God will reignite that old refl relational flame.

Once again, his promise to you is that he can, and he. He did it for us and he'll do it for you even better. He wants to, if you'll let him hold on to God's promises and don't lose hope, cling to him in faith and let him breathe new life into your relationship. You know how he does that through worship, through the power of your testimony and gratitude.

If you do these three things, I promise you, God will breathe new life into your relationship. We got an opportunity to see our young daughter Lundy at 12 years old, do these things, and it brought her through the most difficult time of her. And, uh, and I, I knew, I said to, I tell you what we should talk about on the podcast this week is exactly what UND taught us.

Yeah. That we can apply to our own marriage and that, and that, um, others can apply to their marriage. So worship, testimony and gratitude. Yeah. And, um, we should add that yesterday was a really, really good day because we took lend to get her eyes checked. Her the swelling went down yes. Enough to where she could go, um, to her eye appointment.

And it was just really, really good news. There's no, there's no, um, damage to her actual eye. There's no tear. There's, there's so many things that could have happened. Because of the, that trauma, but, um, you know, she just, that was a really, really good, I mean, she's just so happy right now. And right now she's just seeing double.

And so we're waiting for that to, to go away in Jesus name. And then, um, and then she'll, we we'll look into this surgery for her orbital fracture. Yeah. So thank you guys for your prayer. So many people have reached out so many people have just showed such love and, and it is, it is a great example of what the church.

Is like when people go through hard times like this and, uh, and just, just the encouragement. So we really appreciate that. But these three things applied in your per personal marriage, your personal relationship. With your spouse and you can apply it to any other relationship where it seems like something is pulling you down and trying to zap the hope from you.

Mm-hmm , but you have an opportunity to make a, a decision at the level of your will, that you will place your faith hope and, and trust in God. You're not gonna anchor it in other people. You're not gonna anchor it in your spouse. You're gonna anchor it in God. Mm you're gonna worship him in the midst of.

You're gonna rely on testimonies where God has been faithful in your past, in the past of others, where he's come through in a miraculous way, and you're gonna show gratitude at the exact same time. And when you do that, I promise you you're gonna see a change in your, in your relationship for the better.

It's gonna be good. Yeah, absolutely. Now we didn't start with jokes. We're not gonna end with, uh, would you rather, this, this was kind of heavy topic. Uh, so we didn't wanna, um, mess that up or anything like that. So, but we do love you guys. We're so thankful. So many people reach out to us and they, they listen to this and it's just the joy of our hearts to be able to watch and, and listen to people, tell us that certain things we talked about, help them and, and to spark conversations with their own spouse.

Mm-hmm so. Thank you guys. Don't forget to rate, review, subscribe to this. If you think this will be a blessing to anybody, send it out to them. And, uh, we're just, we're just thankful for what the Lord is doing and what our little Lund taught us about worship, testimony and gratitude and how that'll help our marriage.

So now Tori, you just gotta do it. I know , it's so much harder. I know. Right. All right, we'll see you guys next time. Thanks guys. We'll talk to you next week.